Zoom meeting that I feel uneasy about

[Sam]

There is a meeting on zoom where the man who started it sponcers 5 women that I know of, all newcomers. Many who have dual diagnosis and extreme trauma in their past. These woman came to me saying that he crossed many boundaries to the point they had to block him on their phones. He is taking women through the steps on the phone. Including their sex inventory. I am so uneasy with this. This meeting was shut down on zoom and he started it again under another name.
I suggested to them that they go to women's meetings, and seek outside help. I have trauma in my past, but have been working on letting all of it go, through lots of therapy, and working the steps with a sponsor. I have been in recovery for 41 years, and had a relapse on Marijuana; eventually I drank again with dire consequences.
I allowed the 13th stepping and resentments around this to drift away from meetings and a few years later came back. I have worked through the steps again and am doing my best to practice. I am having intrusive thoughts about this very popular meeting. My sponsor tells me that each time try to do any action regarding this I am retraumatizing myself.

Any advice, thoughts or comments are welcome

May we all walk in the sunlight of the spirit

Much love
Sam (female)

[PaigeB]

My sponsor tells me that each time try to do any action regarding this I am retraumatizing myself.

May we all walk in the sunlight of the spirit

Much love
Sam (female)

Oh Sam I feel you! I am sorry you are enduring the racing, recurring thoughts. I am having these too as a result of some work in therapy, eventually we found some trauma, laughing but serious. I have 13 years, a strong home group (women's) and many close AA friends. Today I do not feel the urge to drink, but I feel like I am SO emotionally sensitive that IF I DID harbor fear or anger, I might think that Drink was some kind of a solution. I am now trying to stay close to my AA herd and close to my program and friends. I even have some service positions which keep me thinking daily about AA and what my job is here. ALL of this helps with the sad/mad thoughts. I also call out to my HP for Mercy if there be any for me. I am grateful for even a few moments when I get it. I woke today, feeling better.

That's my long way of saying I agree with your sponsor! We cannot HARBOR these criminal thoughts. I practice what it says on page 84... It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.

I do believe that I must be hard on myself and not others. I also believe that I must be gentle with myself during difficult times. Both can be true at the same time. I think you can see that what happens to others on their AA path is not your business, but the business of their own HP. You only have to deal with the feelies and the ego thoughts. Here is a prayer my sponsor gave to me. I printed it and taped it to my computer monitor!

I love you. I bless you.
I release you to you own
Indwelling presence of God.

She knows I like them short and sweet! It really helps though. I cannot help the 13th stepping man or every woman who might cross his path. But I can turn my thoughts and call that woman from the meeting last week and see if she needs a ride. I can call my friend who I know is going through a had time with the alcoholism of someone in her life. I can put shoes on my feet and get over to that AA meeting they started taking into a treatment center near my house. I also joined a service committee and I am ready and willing to meet monthly and take on the business of whatever we come up with to help those that still suffer. Who knows - that committee meeting might come up just when I need it the most!

Thanks for writing in and giving me the opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope today. Pass it on.

[PaigeB]

Sometimes, one of the daily readings is just what I need it to be!

Meditation for the Day

Love and fear cannot dwell together. By their very natures, they cannot exist side by side. Fear is a very strong force. And therefore a weak and vacillating love can soon be routed by fear. But a strong love, a love that trusts in God, is sure eventually to conquer fear. The only sure way to dispel fear is to have the love of God more and more in your heart and soul.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that love will drive out the fear in my life. I pray that my fear will flee before the power of the love of God.

From Twenty-Four Hours a Day © 1975 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

Which kind of answers the question I had about why "love & tolerance" is thrown in at the end of that paragraph!

[MyNameIsBetsy]

Hello Sam. Good to have you here with us.

That's a difficult situation. We try to be safe in our meetings, but then this guy goes off and starts his own! Given some time, those women will wise up and see what is happening.

We're not responsible for everyone. We can't control everyone in meetings, any more than we can control everyone in grocery stores. Jerks will be jerks.

I had someone act inappropriately to me years ago. I put his hand back where it belonged, walked out (in a huff, thank you very much!), and never went back to that meeting. The guy was a predator. I was fairly new to sobriety and I let it build up as one first class resentment. That was before I really understood what resentments could do to me. I didn't drink over it. But it gave me a lot of perspective on sick alcoholics! I had to let it go . . . there were so many other things to concentrate on!

You asked for a suggestion. Give him to God, and walk away. He is not worth your serenity!

Betsy
an alcoholic

[Layne]

I let it build up as one first class resentment. That was before I really understood what resentments could do to me. I didn't drink over it. But it gave me a lot of perspective on sick alcoholics! I had to let it go . . . there were so many other things to concentrate on!... Give him to God, and walk away.

I pretty much second this, excellent suggestion! I heard the same suggestion at a meeting the other day, just different words but it still keeps playing through my head as a helpful mantra "Sometimes you just have to let go of what you think should happen and live in what is happening."

[Sam]

Thank you all for the comments. This man is not renting space in my head for free any more. I am still in touch with the women who came to me about him, sadly they aren't going to meetings, but three are seeking outside help.

Enjoy the day,
Sam