I'm feeling so alone.

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San
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:41 pm

I'm feeling so alone.

Post by San »

Hello everyone.
I am currently 34 years old and had my first drink at 15. I have never really gotten over the hump of drinking. It just remained a part of my life and omg, i have done so many things that are not like myself. Or are they? See, alcohol has a way to make you feel like someone you're not, or the evil shadow of yourself.

I have chosen today to never ever go back to drinking for as long as I live. I will take this journey day by day. I have ruined friendships, family, and work life balance because of alcohol. There is something wrong with me.

I have alot to think about but the constant thoughts that roam in my mind are that what and where was I for almost 20 years? How did I get here? I was in a haze for 20 years and everything about myself is coming to the suraface and it really hurts. I am crying for no reason, I am really suffering from acute depression, which I hope doesnt spiral out of control.

I feel like I have been living in a lie, and I have to go out on a journey to rediscover who I really am. I mean, I know who I am, I'm just lost in the sauce. I really want to be able to enjoy life. I am tired of blacking out, and and spending so much money, and screaming "woooo" for no reason, and engaging in extremely dangerous behaviour with people who I never see again.

GOD. This is gonna be so tough. But today is day one. I choose me. But choosing yourself is always the hard part. its lonely when you want to get yourself together.
MyNameIsBetsy
Trusted Servant
Posts: 536
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:18 pm
Location: California

Re: I'm feeling so alone.

Post by MyNameIsBetsy »

Hello San. Welcome.

Congratulations on Day One. And thank you for sharing your first day with us.

Getting sober is hard, but it is doable. We here at e-AA have all done it. We are living proof for you that sobriety can happen, because it happened for us.

We work at it. And you will have to work at it too. Anything worth having is worth working for, right? And a sober life is very much worth working for!!!

Glad you are here. Today was a big day, a new beginning.

If you don't have access to the main book of our AA program, here is a link to the Big Book online: https://www.aa.org/the-big-book . Take a look, and read some of it. Ask yourself if you identify with what is written. When we identify with each other, with the problem of alcoholism, then we can also identify with our common solution.

Please come back tomorrow and let us know how you are doing.

Betsy
an alcoholic
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."
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PaigeB
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Posts: 9852
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: I'm feeling so alone.

Post by PaigeB »

San wrote: Tue Oct 18, 2022 7:49 pm Hello everyone.
I am currently 34 years old and had my first drink at 15. I have never really gotten over the hump of drinking. It just remained a part of my life and omg, i have done so many things that are not like myself. Or are they? See, alcohol has a way to make you feel like someone you're not, or the evil shadow of yourself.
Drinking always made me act outside of my morals and values. In fact, I was so far gone that I could not even NAME my morals and values! Trust me though, I was way outside what I wanted to be.
I have chosen today to never ever go back to drinking for as long as I live. I will take this journey day by day.

I feel like I have been living in a lie, and I have to go out on a journey to rediscover who I really am.
AND YET YOU MIGHT WELL DRINK AGAIN. WE CANNOT DO THIS ALONE. AA has given me a way to "re-create" my life. It is TRUE my friend. I know right now it doesn't seem so, but it is. I was able to become a nicer person and a person with some integrity within just a few weeks of setting aside the drink! Thing of it this way: You can't fix a broken tool (your brain) with a broken tool. We do this together.

Unlike so many other ideas for how to get and stay SOBER ~ AA WORKS! IF you work it!
GOD. This is gonna be so tough. But today is day one. I choose me. But choosing yourself is always the hard part. its lonely when you want to get yourself together.
Alcohol was my only solution for a long long time. It is easier than you think and harder than you think. The book says:
Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

We have shown how we got out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together...
Find other drunks like you - those who have escaped the disaster of active alcoholism. https://www.aa.org/find-aa
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB
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