Hi everyone, my name is Feeya and I am an alcoholic!
first time I ever said those words was in late May of 2016; the first
time I ever believed them was on June 16, 2016. After a one-night
relapse I found myself feeling worse than I ever had, so full of guilt
and so hopeless that I was finally able to surrender.
remember sitting on the dance floor, surrounded by people who were
dancing and celebrating their lives. I wasnít. I wasnít able to move, my
muscles were trembling to a point where my jaw was shivering and while
my supposed friends were in awe at how drunk I was, I realised that for
me, the party was over. I was fourteen.
that I decided that it was probably safest for me to not drink anymore.
I started doing drugs, substituting my alcoholism, thinking that it
would be safe and that I would be able to stop whenever I wanted to.
"I am able to stop, I just donít want to!ď was a slogan I was very well known for amongst friends and family.
the drugs stopped working I started drinking again, doing drugs on top,
to heighten the effects of my escape. I was eighteen when I decided for
the second time that it was probably safest for me to not drink
anymore. Only this time, instead of substituting, I tried to kill
have tried everything. Controlling and moderating my intake,
substitution, self medication, inpatient treatment, outpatient therapy
and suicide. Nothing worked and the day I came to realise that I reached
out. I ended up at e-AA, confused, alone and so, so scared. I was
looking for encouragement, which I got and which led me into my first
I walked through that door I was greeted by people who actually did not
even look like alcoholics. They seemed wonderfully normal and very, very
were three things that I immediately appreciated. Everyone seemed to be
understanding and empathetic to my situation, no one made me feel
guilty and no one told me what to do,or what not to do Ö except for a
"Keep coming back!ď
And I did. And I do. One day at a time.
a lot of things are uncertain and sometimes I am overwhelmed with fear.
But I have a solution. I call my sponsor before I take that first
drink, I read the Big Book, I go to meetings and surround myself with
I ever feel like I donít want to participate in AA I know that is when I
absolutely have to. Because I am an alcoholic and if I donít work the
program eventually I will end up in a place where I never want to be
It works if
you work it.
And if you donít believe that to be true for you, you might
just wanna bring your body to AA and your mind will follow!
Good twenty four hours,