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My Truth

Rosemary P., Pennsylvania, USA

I have been in AA since I was 43 (am turning 56 now). The first time I relapsed I had 6 years of sobriety. Then I had 3 years when I relapsed. I am now enjoying my 4th year sober.

My story is a simple one. I am an alcoholic and never had just one drink.

First time I was off to the races. I had periods where I didn't drink but when I did: It was disaster. It wasn't pretty.

I was not a happy drunk or a fun drunk. I hated myself and did much feeling sorry for myself. I needed help not just for the alcoholism but depression too....and, as you know, the more you drink, the more depressed...etc.

I was a stay at home drunk with my husband being my best drinking partner. When he left my career really took off. The kids were gone and I thought: Party Time.

At the same time I am pretending to be this normal woman with a job, going to college church..the whole nine yards.

I lived in my own hell. I didn't think God would help me cause all my 911 prayers went unanswered, and heck, God only helped those who could help themselves..right????? I was wrong.

One night all the right things were in place: I was hopeless, drunk and crazy. I had no where to turn. I called the AA hotline and talked. The next day I walked in to my 1st meeting. I could barely focus, didn't remember when I had changed my clothes last.

What I heard was unbelievable to me. I remember thinking they know my neighbors, or they had been peeking in my windows. I really didn't believe anyone else went through what I did.

Slowly I came to enough to start reading the Big Book, take suggestions and work the steps. I went to at least 1 meeting a day for the first 3 years. I worked hard, but I was alive!

The miracle for me is this: How does a person one day want to end their lives and the next walk into a room full of strangers and hang on every word to stay alive?

Today I know the value of working the program, going back to those roots and practicing these principles IN ALL MY AFFAIRS.

My truth is this: It works when I work it and when I don't it's not pretty and everything around me starts crumbling in a very big way... Thank you all for being here.

I hope I wasn't too wordy, just hard not to want to tell all the details of this miracle.

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