Hey Crystal,
Welcome to e-AA. I have seen all five of your posts so far and get the impression that you aren't quite sure what to do here. And it sounds like you are not all that familiar with the program of AA. I hope you don't mind a couple of thoughts from me.
First, you say that you don't want to hurt your kids, or lose your friends and family. While those are great things they won't do much to help you quit drinking or find a better life. I found that I had to get better and want recovery for myself first. Once I got better then the people I loved also got better because I quit hurting them with my drinking. It sounds selfish, but it isn't. We are no good to anyone until we get ourselves straightened out. We have to WANT to for us, first.
Do you know if there are many meetings where you live, or close by? Do you know how to find all of the meetings in your area? If not, you can go to:
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/central_offic ... igpage=373 for meetings in the US and Canada
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/aa_internatio ... rigpage=31 for meetings everywhere else
AA is a simple program, but one that requires work and willingness to do things differently than we have done them before. People, like myself, who decided to give the program our all have found sobriety AND happiness, along with a new way of living. We did this by working the Twelve Steps, reading and studying the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We worked with other people who had the same problems and learned the solution. You can, too.
So, first things first. Look up meetings and go to some. Listen and talk to people after the meeting. Let people know you are new and really want help. There will be people there who can and will help you. Also, see if you can find the book Alcoholics Anonymous, what we call the Big Book. If you want to read it online, it can be found here:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfmLet us know how it goes, and if you have any questions, ask them! We are here to help in any way that we can.
Be well,
Chip
The only constant in life is change.