New behaviour

Some alcoholics still have families when they get to AA. This is a place to ask questions and share experiences about relating to family members sober, especially when newly sober. (If you are not an alcoholic, please use the "Our Friends and Families" forum.)
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KathyAnne
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Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:13 am
Location: England

New behaviour

Post by KathyAnne » Mon Dec 23, 2013 2:39 am

Hi I'm Kathyanne and I'm an alcoholic, feeling really down I went round my younger sisters to drop off presents for the kids since I've been in recovery (2yrs 7mths) I've withdrawn from her as she's a an active alcoholic and she's to toxic for me to be around she's in denial at first she asked questions about AA and how I was but for a long time now it's never mentioned and I feel uncomfortable. Anyway it all went ok on the surface but she's guarded about stuff and I used to tell her everything and since I've been in AA and got support and a good sponser I don't confine in her anymore in fact she had all my power and I've since taken it all back I've been empowered by getting sober. So it was difficult to talk about anything that mattered I wanted to ask about our mum but have given up as she never says anything so I've become more guarded about what I say now. I felt I was being scrutinised and being judged or is it me being judgementle and critical. I don't think it will ever be the same anymore I felt she was really baffled by my new calm behaviour I now please myself and not others ( well sometimes) but she was definitely uncomfortable so why am I beating myself up today about how I was???
Being myself and not pleaseing others is hard it really is but I know I have to persist as I'm a lot happier now than I was.
When I listen to my sister I am now very aware of what I was like and I can see clearly what is troubling her because I was in her shoes it's like looking into a mirror looking at her.
Thank you for letting me share I feel better having got this out.
Have a good sober day.

chessiesmile
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Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2013 12:34 pm
Location: Arkansas, USA

Re: New behaviour

Post by chessiesmile » Mon Dec 23, 2013 2:57 am

<hug>
I am a newcomer, so that is all I have for you. :)
I am sorry for your pain, but in awe of the fact you have an inner peace even with your trials.
God Bless ya,
Susan

Layne
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Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:20 am
Location: British Virgin Islands

Re: New behaviour

Post by Layne » Mon Dec 23, 2013 8:41 am

KathyAnne wrote: I felt I was being scrutinised and being judged or is it me being judgementle and critical. I don't think it will ever be the same anymore
She might have felt and thought exactly the same way. And even though she is in denial, seeing the progress and change in you, probably raises sniggling little doubts in the back of her mind about her own drinking.

Just keep on doing what you are doing because it sounds to me like you are on the right path. Also remember that as you trod this path, a beacon is being provided for your sister. The choice of utilizing it or not, is up to your sister.

TonyWARMS
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Location: Outside of Chicago

Re: New behaviour

Post by TonyWARMS » Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:31 am

It sounds like empathy on your part.
While doing the right thing by concentrating on your well being, you are still concerned for your sister.
You want her to have what you are getting.
It will have to be entirely up to her so, again, keep doing what you are doing, and maybe she just won't be able to take seeing you so happy, she might just ask you, honestly how you're doing it. :lol:

Peace, Tony
"Nothing comes to stay. Everything comes to pass".
(I don't know where I heard this)

Roman
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Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2015 3:14 am

Re: New behaviour

Post by Roman » Thu Mar 26, 2015 3:16 am

This is exceptionally pleasant and respectable post....You shook posting it....Thanks a ton for posting it....!!!
Johni

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