Hi!: 11 days in recovery AND COUNTING!

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Hi!: 11 days in recovery AND COUNTING!

Postby amxx » Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:22 pm

Hi All,
I hope by joining this forum I can help you and you can help me.
To briefly explain my situation, I've been a regular drinker since 2010. However, the problem got worse in 2011 when I had a seizure and doctor's discovered I had a brain tumour.
After that, I sent about seven months in basic home detention, as I was not allowed to drive.
It was then when regular went to dramatic on the drinking scale, when I discovered my parents' overflowing wine cabinet.
I "helped" them out there.
After I got the tumour removed it was supposed to be life as normal, but it didn't really feel normal again.
The excessive drinking has remained and I've had three more seizures since, all of them being when I've tried abstinence and my body is craving alcohol and taking in anti-seizure and depression meds at the same time.
After seeing different doctors, councillors and therapists I'm now working with a doctor who recommends I withdraw slowly.
On a bad day, it was not weird for me to drink a litre of vodka in one night.
Now I'm on about 250-300ml/day and it's paining me, and stressing my relationship with my fiancé.
Up until my last seizure when my sister informed him of my drinking habits he had NO IDEA. I'd got hiding it down to a fine art.
So now I'm just depressed all day, dreaming about alcohol all night, worried I'm going to have a seizure AGAIN.
It's also REALLY weird talking about alcohol intake during the day with him.

I'm just wondering if I can get any advice from people who may have gone through the same problems.
It's been 11 days on the slow withdrawal system the doc put in place and I nearly want to scale the house for the bottle of vodka I bought my fiancé to ration out for me.

I want to kick this, I really do, but it seems one step forward, two steps backwards at the moment.

Any help!

I hope to help others going through the same thing with any advice I can offer.

Thanks for reading.
A xx
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Re: Hi!: 11 days in recovery AND COUNTING!

Postby PaigeB » Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:41 pm

Hello Amxx! Glad you are here. I don't know about any advice from me. My experience is that I needed to get to meetings - a lot of them. And I got a sponsor.

You will find our basic texts here http://aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm?category=2

Lots of people like the Living Sober book also... lots of everyday type tips to staying away from the Fatal First drink.

But what helped me was reading in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. I found so much in there that I could identify with. And the people at the meetings! Hearing their laughter and seeing in their eyes that they were sober and genuinely happy! I wanted what they had - relief from alcohol. A new freedom and a new happiness... that is what the Book promises on page 83 and that is what I found.

Keep coming back - we need you!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65
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Re: Hi!: 11 days in recovery AND COUNTING!

Postby ann2 » Mon Jan 28, 2013 2:32 am

Welcome, Amxx, I'm really glad to see you here, thank you so much for sharing your situation here.

My alcoholism wants control, especially of the pain. I used to say, "if you knew what it was like to be me, you'd understand." The thing is, AA is full of people who know what it's like to be me, they *do* understand, and -- they don't drink. Not because they are able to stop themselves -- the reason we are all here is because we couldn't stop on their own. Only because they asked for help, and took the help.

Part of taking the help, for me, was accepting that the pain I attempted to avoid through drinking (while of course creating more pain while doing it) needed to be faced, not run away from. I had/am in remission from a mental illness that was painful and created pain by my responding to it. It wasn't until I put down the drink, however (my personal prescription, coming from my ignorance of anything covered in med school, plus my lack of training and my complete absence of any certification in the medical professions) that I was able to get the help I needed for my illness.

I had to face the pain in order to get help for it. Turned out I didn't have to do it alone. Thank God.

Numbing, oblivion, escape -- many of us find this kind of "release" in alcohol. Sadly, it is a phantom, because the problems we avoid don't disappear -- they just get worse while we are on that temporary vacation from reality.

Some of us are alcoholic from day 1, some of us drink fine for awhile but then cross a line. Once we have this thing, we can't go back. We can't gain control of our need for alcohol. Alcoholism controls the drinking and uses any excuse (illness, pain, confusion, worry, relationships, you name it) to keep the supply coming.

But the self-diagnosis of alcoholic was actually good news for me. This gave me a direction, a remedy, something to deal with daily that I KNEW would positively affect any other problem I had. I knew I had to get help for my mental issues or I would drink. So I got help and stuck with it over many years of various treatments. Eventually I got somewhere with that, and it was my desire not to drink that gave me the patience. I slowly learned to apply this attitude toward every problem . . . and AA has constantly given me the tools needed, day by day, not to drink.

If the slow withdrawal the doctor gave you works, then I'm all for it. Perhaps you don't need AA and that would be wonderful. But if you find you can't stop on your own, no matter what schedule you are given, then I encourage you to visit a meeting and find out what AA has to offer, and what others like me have experienced.

Best to you,

"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
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