Putting home group member out

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Kirbo
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Putting home group member out

Post by Kirbo » Mon Nov 21, 2011 1:51 pm

We are having a problem with a group member wanting to control everything go figure. He has ben in a fight (cops were called) a restraining ordor because he stalkes women. Won't let other people use his keys to the building. Called a home group member a Expletive in her face she's 65. What can we do with out breaking traditions. Help

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Todd M
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Todd M » Mon Nov 21, 2011 2:45 pm

my opinion only... it is a matter for the Athorities, (police)...
when abuse occurs, we must proceed through the proper methods...
if we do not, someone could get hurt, and a good person could do the Wrong thing, and endup in jail.

The Group, and or, the individuals...
will have to step up and file a official complaint, for the restraint process to begin.

Locks can be changed, and new keys made...

I say all this, from only two similar experiances (actions) my home group HAD to take.

AA meeting halls, must remain safe from Stockers and Abusive drunks.
There is Hope, Todd M
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happycamper
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by happycamper » Mon Nov 21, 2011 3:34 pm

Where is this guy's sponsor in all of this?

Has the group taken a group conscious yet?
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Tuff Gong
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Tuff Gong » Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:08 pm

Home group meeting, group conscience with plan of action. If no old timers to lead, ask central service for a few members with long term sobriety that could guide the home group meeting through this issue based on the traditions with an objective perspective.

My vote would be to have 2-3 men with long term sobriety talk with him and explain how his actions are making others feel unsafe and how critical safety is for recovery.
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ann2
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by ann2 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:32 am

Vote with your feet.
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Lali
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Lali » Tue Nov 22, 2011 5:26 am

I personally would not leave my home group over the actions of another person. Besides, If I and others leave, who will show the newcomers that there are people with good sobriety, people who can serve as a good example. We had a situation in our home group where there was an assault. The "organization" that we pay rent to (Alkanon) banned the offender from the building for a year. We, the fellowship, had no say in it. Whenevcer there is violence, that is a liability to the property owner and a danger to others and that person should be temporarily banned. I want to point out that there are plenty of meetings in town and the surrounding towns where this person could still go but I think that a person should have consequences for bad behavior. I would suggest a group conscience as suggested above. P.S. If he has restraining orders against him, he is a liability. Kirbo, where do you hold your meetings, by the way? Do you own the building or are you in a church or some similiar situation?
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leejosepho
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by leejosepho » Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:06 am

Possibly with some help like Tuff Gong has mentioned, the man's sponsor (or someone else if he does not have one) should first approach the man and let him know some of his actions are unacceptable, and then the group will have to take action -- take his keys or change the locks, as suggested -- if the man's behaviour amidst group members and at meetings does not change.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
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("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
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PaigeB
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by PaigeB » Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:41 pm

Ann2 said:
Vote with your feet.
Pure & Simple! Thanks Ann! I agree - if all else fails. First, I think that talking to him, talking to his sponsor, calling GSO and having 2 or 3 old timers from other meeting talk to him are good ideas. Certainly we owe our old timers the same considerations as we do the new comers.

This may or may not be a cry for help.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Roberth
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Roberth » Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:52 pm

the group conscious is the best way to handle a disruptive person. Asking a outside party for advice is good but I would keep a vote to the member of the group. You can also have your GSR talk to other direct member if they have had and thing happen in their home groups.
Finally there is finding another meeting, but I would do that if it couldn't be resolved. This is just me but I wouldn’t want to leave the problem for someone else without making an attempt to solve it.
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Kirbo
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Kirbo » Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:47 pm

Thanks for All the advice and opinions. We had a group concience and voted him out of our group. He does have a sponsor his sponsor told him not to come around our meeting and drop out of our home group he doesn't listin very well. We have our keys back. District is thinking about not supporting our group because of voting this guy out. We were told that we can't put anyone out of a home group. It's up to my higherpower now

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ann2
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by ann2 » Wed Nov 23, 2011 4:04 am

Kirbo wrote:We have our keys back. District is thinking about not supporting our group because of voting this guy out. We were told that we can't put anyone out of a home group. It's up to my higherpower now
Well, thank goodness for that, and congratulations on the positive action you all took.

District of course is going to want to meddle, after the fact, of course . . . let them discuss. You have your meeting back, that's the important thing.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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leejosepho
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by leejosepho » Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:12 am

Kirbo wrote:We had a group conscience and voted him out of our group ...
District is thinking about not supporting our group because of voting this guy out.
If the man would not alter his unacceptable conduct, your group's action was completely in line with what God, through group conscience, would have us do. And as to any Intergroup or District committee, they exist as mere extensions of our groups for the purpose of coordinating things needed by all groups and have nothing to say on the matter. If the folks there do not understand that and they truly believe they have any kind of authority over any group, a letter to GSO requesting a reminder from there should easily take care of that. My own f2f group once had a similar problem over not signing attendance slips in our closed meetings, and it only took a little carefully-worded (no criticism or fault-finding) effort to get our local Intergroup straightened out on the matter of their plan to then exclude our group from the local meeting list. However, there was nothing we could do about having also been blacklisted at a local treatment center.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Lali
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Lali » Wed Nov 23, 2011 6:30 am

Is he banned for life or is he going to be allowed to come back after awhile and prove that he can act like a gentleman? Are there other meetings in town he can attend? Just curious.
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MyNameisVictor
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by MyNameisVictor » Wed Nov 23, 2011 10:29 am

Some people are sicker than others... In reading abotu this person, the First tradition comes to mind about how the common welfare of the group must comes first. So, if the person you described is continuously disruptive during the meeting or harassing others/making others feel uncomfortable, then you can take a gorup conscience vote to ban him/her from the meeting. It happens here in NYC all the time. If you chair the meeting, you have the right to ask someone to leave if they are continuously disruptive. For example, in my home group, we have a rule (that we clearly state at the beginning of each meeting) that if your cell phone rings once during the meeting, it means that you simply forgot to shut it off before the meeting and it's okay. If your cell phone rings once again during the meeting, however, that means that you are putting your phone call ahead of the group welfare and therefore, you will be asked to leave that particular meeting (although you won't be banned from the meeting). It's happened several times during my tenure as chair of my homegroup.

Anyway, hope that helps, and have a happy Thanksgiving.
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Kirbo
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Re: Putting home group member out

Post by Kirbo » Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:37 pm

We did not ban him from our meeting, just our home group. He can come to our meeting any time he wants to. We don't want him to represent our group.

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