Let's try this!

[Dax]

Hello all,
This is my first time posting here. My name is Alex and I am an alcoholic. I am 30 years old, I have 2 kids, one 13 and the other 6. I am married to a very supportive wife who has stuck with me through all my S*** and I do not know why she did. I am a U.S. Army combat Veteran, I have a DUI and I would not say that was the point that turned my life backward...

The day way February, 28th, 2013. I admitted that I needed help. Back then I was drinking at least a 5th of vodka per day. I knew I had an issue and wanted help! I finally got the help I needed in the ICU at a local hospital, I was admitted for 3 weeks in the ICU because of DT's and how my body reacted to the absence of alcohol. After which, I was active in an aftercare program which took place 3 times a week for 2 hours a day and I attended AA meetings as often as I could.

I felt so strong at that point in my life. My kids were little, my addiction (to them) was new, and I stayed sober 100% for just over 2 years. It's the honeymoon phase, right?

Today is January 12, 2018, and I have relapsed 4 times since the time I originally quit.

Since my original admission to the hospital in 2013, I have willing taken myself to the emergency room two other times and admitted defeat by alcohol. Because of this, I have missed my children's birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries!

I have been lucky enough to find a great job. The problem with this job is that aside from everything that happens during the week, we have a meeting every Friday at 430 and everyone drinks beer. I have never drank at these meetings, but I always leave it on my mind, and I would be lying if I said I never drank after work on Fridays.

I do not like going to AA meetings in my area because often times it just makes me want to drink afterward..

I do want to be sober, I hate who I am when drinking. I hate how my wife hates who I aM when I am drinking... My kids are getting too old to see their dad drunk... I just need a good support group to hold me accountable.

So I am sorry if this post is out of line or not in the right place... There is so much more between the lines here... Just direct me where to go and I will be a daily poster!

Thank you,
Alex,
Alcoholic.

[Jojo2]

Welcome, Alex.

You are absolutely in the right place.

Thank you for reaching out.

You will find much support here and hear from others how it worked for them.

Going to meetings alone is not the Programme of AA. If we are serious in our desire to stop drinking, we have to be willing to go to any lengths.
For me, this involved investing time and being prepared to travel. It is suggested we have a sponsor to guide us through the 12 Step Programme.

With this in mind, I attended many meetings and listened to much sharing of experience, strength and hope. This helped me to identify who had what I desperately wanted.

We also provide a temporary sponsor facility here at e-AA.
http://www.e-aa.org/form_sponsors.php

An excellent introduction on sponsorship, permanent or temporary, with questions and answers, is this pamphlet
from GSO :

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship:
http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

[avaneesh912]

Welcome to the board my friend. The first step in recovery is that realization should come within that we can't continue like this no more and we need help. Also need to realize powerlessness is not losing control after we take that first drink. Real powerlessness is, alcoholics mind will trick them into taking the first drink. We all could look back how many times we decided to stay stopped but we somehow came up with a reason to drink or sometimes, somebody offered us a drink we drank.With that we could start the journey. Hope you are convinced that you are an alcoholic and that you believe that the program of AA could work for you.

[Brock]

Welcome here Alex.

There are a number of things in your post I relate to, and they bring back memories of the twenty or so years I spent going in and out of AA. This thing about meetings actually making someone want to drink is real, I used AA mainly as a means of slowing down, and my wife even felt that was a good thing. Looking back I can remember sitting there thinking these people are mostly talking crap, many repeating the same story every meeting, and at some point I would decide OK I will sit out the rest of this meeting and buy a bottle on the way home, then I would relax, knowing all would be well. Looking back I believe I really didn’t want AA and was just trying to please others, especially my wife, and this had me noticing the differences between myself and others there. The time did come when I ran out of options and it was stop drinking or die, only then did I listen for and hear many similarities to myself in others stories, and I identified with them.

I am positive that the worst way to live is to feel like drinking, but resist it. Even the best job I ever had, company car perks great salary, resisted for a whole year miserable like hell, no amount of money makes that type of life OK. I quit to open a golf shop so I could drink all day as my own boss, of course within a couple years that busted and I was broke again.

Many people helped me when I took AA seriously, including those here, and regulars might be fed up of me pushing the same AA speaker over and over, but only when I was told go to you tube and type in ‘AA Chris R,’ did I hear someone speak not only a similar story to mine, but say how he recovered from the obsession to drink just two weeks after finding the right meeting. I learned that doing those steps provide a complete relief from feeling to drink, and have a side effect of feeling more peaceful and at ease, the book says “the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.”

So we can mess around and take months deciding if we ‘get’ this step or that, or do like the book suggests after step three, (which is basically a decision to try the rest), it says - “Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted… it says launched out, not fool around for months on each step which is what I was doing.

If you keep in touch here it helps us and those newcomers looking for information as well, any questions or comments are welcome, giving this program an honest shot is by far the best decision I ever made, and it’s not half as hard as it sometimes looks on paper.

[Dax]

Thank you all for your welcomes, replies, and information!

As I sit here drawing a blank on what to write, I might as well add that I am preparing to go to a work event, which is dubbed as a Holiday Party, but is really just an excuse for everyone to come together and get wasted. I am not going to this party because I want to, I have to work at it. With that said, I will do everything in my power to stay sober.

If I had to give 1 honest admission it would be that I do not hate who I am when I drink (but who doesn't feel this way?). I know the damage it does to mind and body. But I think that I was mostly in denial about it, but recently I had a death in the family that was directly related to alcohol. Even though my wake up call came years ago, this for sure woke me up a little bit more!

Thanks again!

[avaneesh912]

My brother passed in 94 and it took another 12 years for me to realize I was also caught in the vicious cycle of alcoholism. I had to internalize lot of stuff around powerlessness and un-manageability. I had to be deeply convinced that if I don't change my mind will trick me back into that vicious cycle of alcoholism. Read the stories especially the ones in the chapter more about alcoholism. Its there to relay the "peculiar mental twists" the alcoholic goes through prior to taking that first drink.

[Roberth]

Hello Alex and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I had a problem with thinking about drinking during meetings too but the day came when I hear my story coming out of someone else mouth. He caught my attention when he mentioned the base camp he was flying his missions out of in Viet Nam…..It was the same one that I was flying out of. I knew AA would work for me and I make the commitment to keep come back. From that point on alcohol was no longer a threat me. My sponsor told me I had done my 2nd and 3rd steps. Of course he then dragged me kicking and screaming into my 4th step….. That was almost 26 years ago and I own that man everything……

[D'oh]

Hey Alex.

Wow, quite a story. Putting a Plug in the Jug, is just a start. But Alcohol was only a Symptom of My illness. I call it My alcoholISM. Until I worked (with Help of the Program) on the ISM and Living Life on Life's Terms, I was lost.