Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby ConsoleMe » Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:38 pm

I want to stop drinking, but the thought itself sends rushes of fear throughout my body. I dont know why i'd stay sick. I dont want to. Why does recovery scare me? Its a fear I dont know the origin of.
Has anyone else felt this way? They'd rather stay sick than get well because of feeling afraid?
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:36 pm

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby Tosh » Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:58 pm

Hi Console,

Yeh, I relate. Of course the thought of stopping drinking scared me.

I mean if I put the booze down I remember thinking that life would be dull, grey, meaningless; just one long struggle without relief. And then what if I endured all that only to fail again (like I'd failed so many times before)? Would I end up letting my family down again? And then there's all the grief I'd caused and money I owed.

What a mess!

In fact it frightened me so much that suicide was a viable option and something I'd considered and planned for quite a while; a few years even. Each morning I'd regain consciousness and be annoyed that I hadn't died in my sleep.

And talking of sleep; going to bed sober. Do I have to explain? :lol:

Can I ask if you've been to any meetings yet?
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 3738
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby Brock » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:10 pm

Thanks for the question ConsoleMe, and welcome to this AA site.

I certainly felt the way you feel, my life revolved around drinking, and I figured life without it would hardly be worth living. That was one fear, going to meetings with a bunch of strangers was another, and since every time in the past that I managed to stop for a while, I still felt like drinking, maybe my greatest fear was living without it but feeling for it.

When I finally committed to AA and read the literature, it said if I did what they suggested this would happen -
We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.

The people in meetings said it worked that way for them and I tried it, and it turned out better than I ever hoped for. Alcoholics suffer from many fears, this program will help you conquer them all.

Please ask any further questions, you will find we enjoy replying and have all been where you are now, best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Forums Coordinator
Posts: 3578
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby positrac » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:22 pm

Fear is one scary thing to try and trust. I would say you have nothing to lose and yet so much to gain by learning to live sober. It takes one step in the right direction and once you start you'll never be able to hide. I hope you'll consider getting sober for the sake of your future and the clarity of your life.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
User avatar
Trusted Servant
Posts: 1301
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby Roberth » Mon Dec 11, 2017 11:45 am

Hello Console, My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. My guess I am like many alcoholics and afraid of so many things but fear of the unknown is at the top of the list. The fear of failure is right up there too. Believing there might be some kind of power that can help gave me the hope I need to go forward. I was still afraid but willing.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
User avatar
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 703
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: In The High Desert of California

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby beginningagain7 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 7:47 am

Fear for a alcoholic is simply this: False, Evidence, Appearing, Real.

We fear that when we quit drinking that we will not have fun. Not true you can have fun and the best part is that you will remember it, and will have no hangover.

We fear that we can not function. False we can function in society, better than when we were drinking.

We fear that we will lose our friends. If they decide not to support you, where they really friends?

There are people that drink because they are depressed. Well alcohol is a depressed substance so it makes it worse.

What is true if you keep on drinking you could die from it.

If you have not gone to a meeting then I would suggest you do. You will see that we do have fun, we can live life on life's terms and we no longer are afraid of life and it's challenges.
John T.
User avatar
Trusted Servant
Posts: 355
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2001 2:01 am
Location: middletown, ohio

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 8:34 am

The mind tricks us into procrastinate. The alcoholic wants to solve the problem on his/her own. The problem is the mind/ego enters thru the back door and says this is how we fix it. Then we try and fail again. If we get lucky and not die we reach a certain point, the inner self realizes that we are doomed, left on our own resources. Then again if we are lucky we run into the right set of people who will give us the right understanding of un-manageability and powerlessness, then we awaken.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
Trusted Servant
Posts: 4917
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby jenko » Fri Dec 15, 2017 5:11 am

Agree with avaneesh.

Our mind/thinking is the core of our problem. Generating fear is a great way for the alcoholic mind to keep justifying drinking. A scarier thought is that even without that fear - you'll drink anyways! The fear just makes you feel like you've got a legit excuse to continue. Sick stuff, huh? That's why real alcoholics need more than abstinence to keep sane and happy in sobriety.
Jennifer K. :)
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 3:34 pm
Location: NC

Re: Why am I so F*** afraid to get well than to stay sober?

Postby BrendaChenowyth » Mon Jan 01, 2018 2:42 pm

It's just a fear of unknown. It takes time to find your footing. The stories in the big book and in the Grapevine are helpful reassurance that people find their way.

And there is nothing wrong with hanging out before and after meetings and just asking someone how they did it. Your feelings will be understood.
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2017 12:46 pm

Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests