At a complete loss

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At a complete loss

Postby odat12 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:19 pm

I've been talking with a friend who has been in bed for a couple days suffering such great depression. It's heart-wrenching to watch someone suffer and to know what that suffering feels like. I'm new to sobriety and I have no idea what to do. I offered to go to a meeting with him this evening. He said no although he's open to going to a meeting in the future. I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to help him if I even can. I've been crying since talking to him because I know too well what he's going through and I know how much AA has helped me.

Besides telling him he is a worthy person who deserves happiness and that he's loved, I feel like I'm failing him. Is there anything more I can do? Or is this just a case of Let Go and Let God?
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Re: At a complete loss

Postby Brock » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:49 pm

There’s a very nice young man that comes to our home group, about 6’ 6” very handsome, everything good going for him, except like your friend he suffers from crippling depression sometimes. He says openly that it doesn't really help when people speak words of encouragement, when he is feeling like that he just wants to be left alone.

As you probably know our founder Bill suffered from this as well, I can’t remember reading anywhere that he said AA helped him get over depression, drinking will make it worse but not drinking is not a cure. Such great strides in medication for this have been made, the young fellow I know said the medication ruins his sex drive, so he doesn't like taking it, but admits that it works well in relieving depression when he does. I believe your best bet is encouraging him to seek medical help.

Well done on caring as much as you obviously do, he is lucky to have such a friend, but as you say, apart from advising him what to do, the rest is let go and let God.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: At a complete loss

Postby positrac » Thu Nov 30, 2017 3:28 am

Last edited by positrac on Thu Nov 30, 2017 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: At a complete loss

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:22 am

At the early stage of recovery, I wouldn't be too involved in others recovery. We got to be careful, because we are not in a position to handle our own un-manageability let alone others. Best thing would be to point them in the right direction. Thats all we could do.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: At a complete loss

Postby odat12 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:47 am

I came to the conclusion that I'm trying to use this other persons situation to avoid dealing with myself. I told him there are meetings, that I'm here if he needs to talk and then I went to work in my Big Book. I noticed my mental obsession took over when I was trying to sleep only telling me that I know nothing and I need to start learning. Watching someone else suffer is heartbreaking and I can only let God do what he will and help because I'm not a doctor nor a recovered alcoholic. A real lesson in humility. Thanks for the input.
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Re: At a complete loss

Postby Roberth » Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:12 pm

Hello ODAT12, I am not qualified to diagnose or treat mental illness which depression can be. Nor do we try to treat mental illness in AA. We help others recover from alcoholism. What I would do is be the best example of the Big Book you can be if my friend is be suffering from alcoholism.
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