curtis s wrote:I found that, perhaps because of the writing style, that I could not relate to a lot of the big book. I would say that I never drank unless I wanted to, but then at some level I always wanted to. However I have known folks who found themselves drinking even when they desparately did not want to.
Or take the idea of going to any lengths. Yes we must be willing to go to any lengths. But they don't tell us what those lengths will be. Today going to any lengths does not include going to a meeting when I am sick because I don't want to pass on my germs. (Sitting next to someone with the virus when I was noticably ill got that rather strongly brought to my attention) I don't go out to meetings in really bad snow storms unless they are close enough that I can walk home, which after my knee injury got to be a prohibitively short distance. And I don't do stuff like skip my wifes birthday to go to a meeting although if I felt close to a drink I would.
My drinking problem has been removed for the moment. My thinking problem is only partly fixed. I don't think it was any one thing that removed the compulsion to drink. It was a combination of things, the steps, the fellowship, and a bunch of things also that happened outside of AA.
The thing is none of this matters really. What matters is that I was desparate to avoid the problems that continued drinking would bring. Even if my desparation was very quiet and I had few of the outward signs yet of alcoholism like jails, institutions, homelessness and failing health. When I came to AA they did not tell me I had to be a certain way, a certain kind of alcoholic, have a certain bottom. They didn't get into the alcohol vs drug thing. They just said that I should keep coming and to listen carefully. When this seemed to be working I decided to stay.y
The BB, and AA itself, is full of contradictions. My favorite is the huge paradox in the 8th and 9th steps, that we do these steps for our benefit but they will only really work if we do them for the benefit of others. So what? Someone once said that the person who never contradicts themself probably never says much of anything interesting. I think the same thing is true here and if we get caught up in looking for contradictions we will be in real danger of losing sight of all that is important.
Your bottom is when you decide to quit digging.
Don't worry about trying to climb outta the hole, we jump down in there with you.
Then again, before you can get out of the hole, you need to put down the shovel.
I will stay in the hole with you for a few scoops... I am stubborn and my HP has not yet found it to be a defect in this area!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB