Not the Same

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Not the Same

Postby odat12 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:23 am

AA doesn't seem the same as it was back in the day. The community does not seem as close knit or prominent. As a newcomer I feel people look at me like a deer in headlights rather than with understanding. As I read literature and observe other forms of AA, it seems back in the day, alcoholics were adamant in living the program. For instance, I asked a woman for her phone number and she quite rudely barked back, "Why?" I'm trying to abide by the staying with the same-sex for sponsorship but its damn hard and I'm apprehensive to talk with the men because of this untold "rule". It's kind of off-putting because I really feel like I need the program. I'm just sad to see that the principles aren't as strong as they seemed to have been back then. And I'm not the only one noticing this. And also another notice being given a number then being told to not call them because they are mentally ill and don't know the program. I hate to say these things about such an amazing fellowship but I'm finding its like a diamond in the ruff to find the "winners". As a newcomer this is hard enough.
odat12
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 11:31 pm

Re: Not the Same

Postby Blue Moon » Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:12 am

I'm not sure what you're comparing to, it seems pretty much the same since I came in. But it's not the same as how the literature describes it. Back then, you wouldn't even see the door of an AA meeting until you'd already taken (the equivalent of ) at least the first 3 Steps, possibly the first 8... which would mean that everyone else in the room has done at least a chunk of the recovery bit .

I too have been in the situation where even AA seemed hopeless. I've also 12th-Stepped women in the middle of a room with plenty of "sober" women in it. Some of them needed a sharp reminder of why they're supposedly in the room, that it has nothing to do with "catching up" or reminiscing over the latest holiday snaps.

Today, the concept of "12th Stepping" seems to have gone out the window, except for those of us who choose to proactively do it.

The woman who was rude, and those who are mentally ill (in which case, why give out a number? Totally illogical) have nothing you need.

So AA is proof that bigger does not equate to better.

What to do? ISTM the real question is: where do you find what you need, if not in an AA meeting? One possibility is to head to a closed Big Book Study group. They tend to be far more recovery-centric than the run-of-the-mill "open discussion" meetings. Or you could go to a bunch of speaker-meetings, and talk to those speakers who you identify with. Or go to a few of your local District meetings as an "interested AA", as others in the room are active members rather than merely bums on seats.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3564
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Not the Same

Postby odat12 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:29 am

The same people telling me to look for the winners are the ones cross-talking and gossiping of other people in the rooms. I may be casting high judgment here, however its hard to build trust within the rooms when its hard to find the ones are here for the principles of the meetings and the program. I go to meetings to listen to the shares and recover. Hopefully tonight I will be able to surround myself with like-minded persons.
odat12
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 11:31 pm

Re: Not the Same

Postby Layne » Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:56 am

The same people telling me to look for the winners are the ones cross-talking and gossiping of other people in the rooms.

There is much to learn from these people. Use the experience gained from interacting with them to fuel your own growth.
Layne
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1518
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:20 am
Location: British Virgin Islands

Re: Not the Same

Postby Blue Moon » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:09 am

odat12 wrote:The same people telling me to look for the winners are the ones cross-talking and gossiping of other people in the rooms.

Take what you need and leave the rest. In any community, it seems that some element of gossip is part of the deal. You don't have to engage in it. Is the gossip malicious? If so, maybe they also have some spiritual growing to do. If not, maybe they're expressing concern for their fellows.

Bear in mind, many of us present a different persona in public than we felt in private. That's part of the typical alcoholic condition. "My case is different ", we had to drink to "fit in". So when I quit drinking, I didn't feel entirely comfortable anywhere. For me, part of the purpose of AA meetings was practicing being around others without being booze-enabled.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3564
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Not the Same

Postby odat12 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:41 am

Thank you. I needed a new perspective to look from.
odat12
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 11:31 pm

Re: Not the Same

Postby Roberth » Thu Oct 26, 2017 11:52 am

Hi ODAT, my name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. This may sound hash but I can hear my sponsor telling me if I was going to be part of the problem or be part of the solution. As in life 20% of the people do 80% of the work. It’s no different in AA. I have learn the more I put into AA the more I get out of it……..there is so much to be done in AA. Things like getting active in the home group, signing up to answer phones at central Office, working with the intergroup to carry the message into hospitals and jails and getting involved with general service. By my doing these things I have met some of the best examples of the principles of AA and all did was say okay when asked.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
User avatar
Roberth
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: In The High Desert of California

Re: Not the Same

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Oct 26, 2017 1:02 pm

Look for literature based meetings around where you live. Preferably Big Book Study like format. That is probably where you will find people close to what you read in the big book.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4646
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA


Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests