What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

Postby ThelonleyMango » Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:30 am

I always had trouble understanding the phrase, "ego maniac with low self esteem" because how can you have an inflated ego but still be insecure? Very curious.
ThelonleyMango
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 6:34 pm

Re: What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

Postby Brock » Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:43 am

You do bring up some head scratching topics mango, this one had me looking at various definitions of 'egomaniac' on Google. The only one which I saw that kind of makes sense in this case, is from Wikipedia, it says -
Egomania is also known as an obsessive preoccupation with one's self and applies to someone who follows their own ungoverned impulses and is possessed by delusions of personal greatness and feels a lack of appreciation. Someone suffering from this extreme egocentric focus is an egomaniac.

So where it says “and feels a lack of appreciation,” maybe we can say the person is insecure, someone going around thinking nobody appreciates me, or what I do, is insecure.

It says at the start of step 5 in the 12 & 12, that all of the steps are designed to deflate the ego, and everybody would probably agree, that alcoholics tend to suffer from defective egos, in one way or the other.

What I have encountered and don't like in the fellowship, is people making pronouncements about others. And if someone other than a person very close like a sponsor, says to another anything about them being negatively affected by ego, it makes me mad as hell. We have amateur psychiatrists galore in some meetings I have attended, and I find them dangerous.

A good member here avaneesh, put me onto a book by Eckhart Tolle called 'A New Earth,' it's all about ego and I have read it twice, and now am half way through for the third time, reading while listening to the audio version, really studying the topic. I now understand that any negative thought is ego, and the only way to avoid it is being conscious, basically living in the moment, and putting a stop to the constant thoughts we humans suffer from. I have made some good progress and can 'stop thinking' for quite long periods of time, but on the subject of ego I am still a rank amateur, definitely not qualified to tell any AA member they are an egomaniac. Some of the phrases we hear in the rooms I would like to put in the bin forever.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3162
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

Postby Cristy99 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:04 am

Very good question!!!

And difficult to answer!

There are so many oxy-morons that seem to occur when an alcoholic works the program of AA. This is definitely a big one. I'm not even sure I understand it myself. My philosophy has always seemed to be, "I know everything and I never make mistakes. I am better that everyone. If you catch me making a mistake or doing something wrong, I had a darn good reason. Don't you dare approach me about it....because I know everything...remember??? " Then in the next breath, talking only to myself, "I am the lousiest no-good, worthless, fat, ugly piece of crap that ever existed!! I am not worthy of love. Don't you dare tell me I am wrong, bad, or no good because that's MY job!!"

Perhaps for me it's really believing I am not capable of messing up for some reason. I MUST be perfect. All the while hating myself for my imperfection and believing I am the worst person in the whole world. "How dare you criticize me...that's my job!"

I am learning that all of the above is wrong.

First, I am okay. I am worthy of love, even from myself. Second, I am learning humility...slowly, but surely. The more I learn to feel my higher power's unfathomable love and acceptance, the more comfortable I am in my own skin....and the more I have to give away.

That's the best I have. :lol:
I can't wait to read all of the answers you are going to get to this amazing question!!!
Have a good day!
Cristy
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
~ Chinese proverb
Cristy99
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Sat Aug 05, 2017 7:36 am
Location: Texas

Re: What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

Postby Roberth » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:35 am

hello Mango, I don’t know about anyone else but my ego made me wantg to better than others. I would either lie about my accomplishments or question other about their. All the time worrying and hiding that they would find out who I really thought I was. My desire for acceptance was keeping me from being who I really was. At 25 years for the most part I am ok was the guy in the mirror with occasional bouts of delusions of granger and low self-esteem but that is a different topic LOL
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
User avatar
Roberth
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: In The High Desert of California

Re: What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

Postby Noels » Thu Oct 12, 2017 4:51 pm

Hi Mango, id say the egomaniac seeks control especially because he/she feels insecure. That would be a way to hide the insecurity and lack of self-esteem.
Just my take on it.
Love and light Noels
There is only Love
Noels
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1247
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2016 6:14 am

Re: What is an ego maniac with low self esteem?

Postby Patsy© » Fri Oct 13, 2017 1:57 am

Hi Mango

When I got sober the term that was used is "an egomaniac with an inferiority complex"

The untreated alcoholic is a classic case of "an egomaniac with an inferiority complex." This contradiction in terms I believe comes from the fact that because the alcoholic has low self-esteem, they often feel the need to hide behind a mask of superiority.
I believe the term "emotional sobriety" was coined by Bill Wilson in a letter he wrote over 50 years ago.

12 and 12 Step Twelve, p.123
"When A.A. was quite young, a number of eminent psychologists and doctors made an exhaustive study of a good-sized group of so-called problem drinkers. The doctors weren't trying to find how different we were from one another; they sought to find whatever personality traits, if any, this group of alcoholics had in common. They finally came up with a conclusion that shocked the A.A. members of that time. These distinguished men had the nerve to say that most of the alcoholics under investigation were still childish, emotionally sensitive, and grandiose."
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA


Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests