Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby ThelonleyMango » Tue Oct 03, 2017 10:31 pm

What is self will run riot? And just for understandings sake, what are some examples of self will run riot in your own life?
Not sure if I'm allowed to ask personal questions to others in AA but any feedback will be appreciated
ThelonleyMango
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2017 6:34 pm

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Oct 04, 2017 3:56 am

Like being engrossed in what I want. An alcoholic is extremely selfish and self centered when it comes to his/her needs. So when I was experimenting "beers on Friday only" which of course failed miserably, the whole week would go waiting for Friday and when Friday comes it will be over in few hours and then depression. Everything revolves around booze. Magic kingdom doesn't serve alcohol so dont go there go to other theme parks, even though the kids would like this particular one.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4646
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby Brock » Wed Oct 04, 2017 5:36 am

This was hard for me to understand at first also, I didn't think I was selfish I was nice to other people and so on, it took a while to realize that I was always trying to run the show, and things usually didn't come out how I wanted, which is self will screwing up my life. In the chapter 'How it Works' we see things like this -
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

When we are trying to practice step 3 in our day to day lives it becomes even more important, at first it sounds a bit weird, that by just trying to not run everything, and saying in our minds that we are not in charge of the outcome, that life could become easier and better, but it does. Now every time I get tied up and pause to figure what's messing up my day, as the book says I ask for the right thought or action, instead of what thought or action my will is imposing on the situation. The AA program, and understanding why things like this work to make us more peaceful and happy takes a while, at the start we should just try to say I am not in charge, sort of go with the flow. It's a thing you will come to understand as you go along, and ask any questions here you want, that's what keeps forums like this lively, we enjoy answering, and thinking about what others ask helps us as well, best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3175
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby Patsy© » Wed Oct 04, 2017 6:49 am

ThelonleyMango wrote:What is self will run riot? And just for understandings sake, what are some examples of self will run riot in your own life?
Not sure if I'm allowed to ask personal questions to others in AA but any feedback will be appreciated


Hi loneyMango,

Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

Our Will is our Thinking and our Lives are our Actions.

We as human beings can't take actions without "thinking" first. So this illness centers in the mind.

Examples of self-will run riot for this drunk are:

I did what I wanted to do, and I didn't give a second thought to what others wanted or how they were affected, it was about me, me, me.

I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it NOW!

I would twist things in my mind so that I could do what I needed to do....to get a drink. At the time, I believed my own "thinking"....literally, believed it. I was running the show, I "thought"..... when the truth was ... Alcohol was running the show.

I lied to be able to get out and drink, I would say things like "so and so has a problem, I have to go over and talk with her"...... and go immediately to the bar, I was only going to have one or two....that's all. I wasn't capable of discerning the truth from the false.

I blamed people, places and things for how I thought and behaved, I wasn't capable of looking at ME...I didn't realize it at the time, but if I did look at ME, then I would have to DO something about my drinking and I had convinced myself that alcohol was keeping me sane....so no chance I was going to give up drinking! Alcohol was running the show, and I had no idea it was making all the decisions in my life.

I was brought up with pretty good values that I had been taught from a very early age. When I crossed that invisible line into alcoholism I just kept moving my own values down, thinking things, saying things, and doing things that I never ever thought I was capable of, until my own value system became unrecognizable even to myself, and I would do whatever I needed to do... to get a drink, because I had lost the ability to choose to NOT drink.
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby Blue Moon » Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:02 am

ThelonleyMango wrote:What is self will run riot? And just for understandings sake, what are some examples of self will run riot in your own life?

Have a read of Step 3 in the Big Book. It talks of the actor trying to direct the show, and how this analogy plays into the alcoholic's thinking. Egocentric, self-centred, we come in with resentments about how others treated us, but if we dig deep enough into the 4th Step inventory, we can see how our own actions or reactions contribute to a chain of events that result in us getting hurt.

For myself, this played out in several ways, usually involving personal relationships.

So the trick is to learn from past mistakes, and change what we do. By learning to act and react differently, we get different results. AA is a program of action.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3564
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby Roberth » Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:21 am

Hello Mango, my name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. For me it was pretty simple, it's was all about me and what I would do to get my way. I wasn't think too much about who and what I hurt, only about getting away with stuff.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
User avatar
Roberth
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: In The High Desert of California

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby clouds » Fri Oct 06, 2017 4:06 am

For me, as long as I'm motivated by fear, insecurity, pride, envy, selfcenteredness, an attitude that is set on winning something ( such as a useless argument, prestige, what people think of me etc. ) or I start thinking that if I only manage well I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world, then I'm in a state of self will run riot and I'm basically doomed to feel some kind of pain in the near future.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
User avatar
clouds
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1063
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:45 am
Location: España

Re: Self will run riot? And can I ask personal questions?

Postby Barbara D. » Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:51 am

In the beginning, as a full-time homemaker, I thought I was in charge of the household and responsible for everyone's else's happiness. My self-will run-riot focused mainly on thinking it was my duty to be in charge! Basically, I thought doing everything for everybody else was going to fill me with love like it did my handicapped mother. But instead, I kept trying to cram my square self into that round hole I thought was the way to be "good" and "normal." I became a denial expert trying to hide from all those resentments. Of course, I needed to drink to escape the reality I had created!

Having worked the Steps and been sober for many years, now, one of my recurring problems is how to balance my excessive need to be by myself versus making time for social relationships. I'm not shy, am quite extraverted in groups. I've got people skills. I must still think that missing out on the joy is worth it if I can avoid the pain that is invitable when I get close to individuals. God, please help me achieve balance in this area!!! I am currently learning how to have a short-distance relationship with my son, his wife, and the 4 grandkids. It's 14 miles between our houses.

So, for me, self-will run- riot comes in many forms, before and after I stopped drinking one day at a time.

As for asking personal questions in an open forum or meeting, early on, I just up-chucked on everybody. I got very personal! In time, I came to believe that personal details need to be presented in general terms. I did not have a bad experience. But I began to hear more of what others said. AA is open to the public. And we do not "test" newcomers to see if they really have a desire to stop drinking. In short, we are wide open.
I still need details from folks in meetings, but I do my nitty-gritty sharing 1 on 1 95% of the time.

Thanks for listening, Barbara D, alcoholic
User avatar
Barbara D.
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 203
Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2014 7:21 am
Location: Tennessee, USA


Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests