Alice finally leaves wonderland

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Alice finally leaves wonderland

Postby Brigitte » Wed Oct 04, 2017 5:32 am

Hi there,

I have only just found this amazing online resource and I'm so relieved to have ongoing support an inspiration in a safe and understanding atmosphere :)

Long story short; my name is Brigitte and I'm an alcoholic. I may be a relatively functional alcoholic, with a white picket fence, two degrees and a successful full time job, but I have struggled for the last 10 years and I know that my addiction will ultimately cost me my family, friends and ultimately my life if I don't acknowledge and put a stop it it.

When giggly glasses of champagne with the girls turn into 3 day binges and hiding empty bottles of vodka from my family, you know its not fun anymore. When your colleagues joke about finishing off a bottle of wine after a long, nasty shift- but you do so on a daily basis, plus more, the joke loses its touch. I claimed not to understand my relationship with alcohol, but the simple truth was that it was my escape. No matter what I needed to run away from, I could find the numbness I desired so deeply in excessive drinking. I could be the confident, funny girl, instead of the hurt, frightened person I have become.

We all think that we have control of something until all of a sudden the reins are out of our hands (and we haven't showered in days and won't answer phone calls from friends or family). I'm, finally, wholeheartedly embracing a multimodal recovery from that life with a beautiful team clinical and peer support personnel to help me through. I found the concept of attending AA incredibly confronting as I work in the healthcare industry and feared my anonymity would not be maintained, so this is my first point of call.

I would love to hear from others in a similar situation or if anyone has advice of any kind to share.

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Re: Alice finally leaves wonderland

Postby positrac » Wed Oct 04, 2017 7:14 am

Welcome and I hope you can become sick and tired of being sick and tired.

You have education, understanding, and can see the danger signs of your future and yet you can't prevent the inevitable. Isn't that insane? I've been sober a long time and years don't matter right now because my points are more of the understanding that I am also insane when it comes to alcohol if I take that first drink.

I am of the belief that with any addiction such as smoking, drinking and drug use (all forms). We can't just quit for those reasons like for the dog, cat, kids and or spouse because in time we'll resent something that triggers that huge bender binge. So I suggest you get sober for you because it is you that wakes up everyday looking into the mirror and you are the key to it all. I know you are totally aware of this and yet it might seem impossible.

I am sure other women on here can address from their experiences of how best to change this pattern.

But I want to welcome you and I hope you'll find sobriety. It is a rough beginning and like the end of the line of drinking is rough these can become new learned behaviors and you can find freedom to deal with life on life's terms and not ours. So keep coming back and know that hope is available because you reached out.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
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Re: Alice finally leaves wonderland

Postby beginningagain7 » Wed Oct 04, 2017 8:26 am

How It Works

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has throughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to his simple program, usually men and women who are contitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands regorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happend, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it---then you are ready to take certain steps.

As some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with alcohol---cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power---that One is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

Alcoholics Anonymous, How It Works, pgs 58-59, 4th Edition.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol---that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to theses principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, How It Works, pgs. 59-60 with permission from AAWS

Welcome to the Forum, glad that you found us.

I would suggest that you get a Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book to read. Then read it.

The Forum here has several forums you are welcome to use and I suggest that you take a tour of our Forums. For they are here to help you.

Yes alcohol can numb you from what going on in your life. But I have found out that after it wears off that life's situation is still there, and oops it has gotten worse not better. I have and so have many more found out that it is better to go through the hurt and trying to numb it. For it will always be there when the numbness wears off.

Take a hard look in the mirror and if you do not like what you see then it's time to do something about it.

I also was in the health field before I retired. For me I found support and help in my recovery. They did not condemn me.

Have a good day.
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Re: Alice finally leaves wonderland

Postby Mike O » Wed Oct 04, 2017 10:38 am

Hi Brigitte,

Welcome to the group.
Regarding your comment that the "joke loses its touch", I used to join in the laddish jokes about drinking, at work and even when out for a pint with "normal" drinkers. Eventually, though I still joined in the laughter, I knew deep down that I was not like them when it came to drinking. I knew that every morning when they awoke, they didn't dread opening their eyes to a hangover and the accompanying remorse, or worse - still tipsy and facing a day at work.

Like you, I am a healthcare professional. I have been sober for almost 10 years. I reached this point by working the 12 steps which make up the A.A. programme. I have never attended a face-to-face meeting, for the reasons you also state, concerning anonymity. Online A.A. does work as long as you are totally honest with yourself and work the A.A. programme as described in the Big Book. That has been my experience. The experience of others has been that meetings are indispensable to their sobriety. I guess everybody's different, so why not try a meeting or two before dismissing them out of hand. You might be surprised who else you see there.

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Re: Alice finally leaves wonderland

Postby Roberth » Wed Oct 04, 2017 11:39 am

Hello Brigitte and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I will tell you what they told me what I was new which is "you will never have to take another drink if you don't want to and even if you want to you won't have to if you are willing to do a few simple things." This is a fairly simple program, trust in God, Clean house and work with others.

Best advice I got when I was new was don't let my intelligent get in the way my recovery.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: Alice finally leaves wonderland

Postby Cristy99 » Fri Oct 06, 2017 6:00 pm

Hello Brigitte!!
Welcome to the jungle!!!

I am also in the health care field.

I attend many face to face meetings and have never felt threatened that my anonymity would be lost.

I am pretty new to this forum and have learned a whole lot here. There is so much wisdom!!!

Alcohol made me happy and care-free. It lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders and completed me. Alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself. Then I needed more and more. If I started drinking, I didn't feel I could stop. If I managed to stop for 24 hours, I told myself that I was fine....if stopped for a day, I could stop for any length of time, so time to celebrate with a box of wine. I gradually found it necessary to consume close to two boxes of wine in a 24 hour period. That is the equivalent of 12 regular bottles!!! I started hurting the ones I loved most in the world, neglecting them, neglecting life. I lost the power to choose whether or not to take a drink. I had become a slave to alcohol.

I received an ultimatum from my boyfriend at the time. It was him or the booze. So I started attending Alcoholics Anonymous, found a sponsor, worked the steps, and never looked back. Is recovery hard/miserable??? Not even close to the difficulty of maintaining the lifestyle I was leading; and the misery I feared did not manifest as misery, but a gradual relief of the strong desire to drink. Does life turn all rosy? No ma'am. Life is life, but the exciting part is that I am learning to deal with the curve balls of life (betcha Robert H. liked that one) as they come. I don't have to be perfect!!!! Things are soooooo much better now. I am alive now. I am excited that I get to be on this journey and I don't ever have to be that woman again!!!

There is hope for you Brigitte!! It just takes a little effort and an open mind.
"Talk doesn't cook rice."
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