Hey Everyone! New member

[WendyR]

Hey all!

Great to be here. Looks like a great option for me when I can't make it to meetings. A little about myself, I've been drinking since my teenage years (in my 40s now)...so yeah, it's been awhile. I come from an alcoholic dad who recently passed a couple years ago. I've been struggling with my alcohol addiction for over 15 years now.

Last year I signed myself into a rehab facility (I spent around 45 days in there before they let me home). I was over 60 days sober before I relapsed. It's been a year now since I relapsed. It was over 8 days ago that I finally came to my breaking point (and my sons and boyfriend did too). We've had enough with my drinking. I'm a totally different person when I drink and I don't like who I become. That was 8 days ago that I made that decision (once again) to become sober. And that was my last day of drinking too.

Since then, I've been to a few meetings and I'm being referred to an outpatient program to get help. I look forward to hanging around here with you all too as we all share the journey to sobriety.

[Brock]

Welcome to e-AA Wendy.

Congratulations on 8 days, as a 'relapser' myself until I too hit a breaking point, and embraced the AA program, I can relate to your experience. I had tried AA a few times over the years, but my trying consisted of sitting at meetings and listening, accepting up to step 3 and then chicken out because I was scared of 4 & 5. The last time I came in I did those steps, and they weren't half as hard as I expected, and the relief was just as the book says after #5 on page 75 - “The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.” I hope you don't delay in finding that relief, it's a life changer.

We have a good group here, the discussions cover all sorts of topics and can get a little 'passionate' at times, but it's all in good AA spirit. You can also find email and chat meetings here - http://e-aa.org/talk.php

I expect others may be along to welcome you, any questions we would love to answer, and keeping us informed of your progress and trials might help both you and us, as you said sharing the journey.

[WendyR]

Thanks for the warm welcome Brock! I'm not afraid of the steps, I just enjoyed drinking.

But, my kids, boyfriend and myself are way too much more important to me than living in a constant foggy buzz. Since I have kids, it can get a little hard to get to meetings. My boyfriend watches my kids for me when he can so I can get to one. I tried bringing my kids to a meeting, but they seemed to frown on it, understandably. People pour their souls out and it's not something kids should really be listening too. Plus the whole anonymity thing too. But, this forum seems like a great way to still get in my meetings, interact with others who are going through the same struggle. I'm so glad I found it.

[PaigeB]

Welcome Wendy! Paige here ~ alcoholic from Iowa. I post here daily and have been for a while - almost 10K posts! I still go to a couple meetings a week and I love it. I have no kids I need to get care for... mine are all adult and are also afflicted with this dis-ease. But they have to decide if they they really have it... this is an inside job for each of us.

Do you think you have the disease of Alcoholism? Read the Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book, it is before Chapter 1. Then read page 30 of the Big Book into page 31. Pitiful And Incomprehensible Demoralization? You might want to make a decision about how you want to treat your disease. I have found that 30 day treatment programs are good for a separation from alcohol, but we have a lifetime of maintenance treating this disease. And, without fail, it gets worse.

It is Life or Death. Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly. My friend was sober and preparing for her first grandbaby to be born. She decided that "one more time" she'd have a couple of drinks, you know, before she had to settle into Super Grandma mode. That night she missed a curve, rolled her car and died alone in an Iowa cornfield. On the other hand, my brother in law died an elongated liver death while his mother and family held vigil in a waiting room outside the ICU for days on end.

Personally, only my soul died... I drank the entire time that my 4 children were growing up. Oh god - the stories I can tell about that are NOT for an open forum. I rationalized and justified and then I romanticized The Drink. You DO NOT have to drink anymore. Provided you follow a few simple Steps. I took the Steps with a sponsor and 8 years later I am doing it again! I have grown so much spiritually, it only makes sense that I need to rediscover what they mean to me.

It is an inside journey, but you don't want to take it alone. My best thinking just got me drunk. I needed help. I still need help... I WANT help. It is available everyday in AA, why not take it?

[positrac]

Welcome and keep coming back.
It took me 3 times of relapsing to finally get my head into the game of sobriety and I was very young (23) and so my life changed in a big way due to many pressures within my peer group and also being in the service it was work hard-play hard and it was a struggle. it can be done and it takes a lot to get used to because in your case kids alone are needy and you are needy for sober life.

get with the other ladies on the site and they can direct you and provide the knowledge that will help make it better.

[Chelle]

Hi Wendy, I am glad you are here. I hope you will attend lots of face to face meetings as well. That's what helped me, along with getting a sponsor and working those steps!

I totally related to what you shared, and I also didn't like who I had become. They told me "you don't have to live that way anymore if you do these simple things". Turns out they were right!

Good job on the 8 days. I remember when that seemed impossible to me. It gets so much better if you keep coming back!

Keep posting, and pm me if you would like

[WendyR]

It is Life or Death. Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly. My friend was sober and preparing for her first grandbaby to be born. She decided that "one more time" she'd have a couple of drinks, you know, before she had to settle into Super Grandma mode. That night she missed a curve, rolled her car and died alone in an Iowa cornfield. On the other hand, my brother in law died an elongated liver death while his mother and family held vigil in a waiting room outside the ICU for days on end. I drank the entire time that my 4 children were growing up. Oh god - the stories I can tell about that are NOT for an open forum. I rationalized and justified and then I romanticized The Drink. You DO NOT have to drink anymore. Provided you follow a few simple Steps. I took the Steps with a sponsor and 8 years later I am doing it again! I have grown so much spiritually, it only makes sense that I need to rediscover what they mean to me.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcomes. Paige, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I've been reading around the forum here and your posts inspire me to stick with it. Eight years is such an accomplishment! I'm only 14 days to date after relapsing once, but reading your posts and everyone else's here inspires me to go the long haul! So glad to be here.

[PaigeB]

Congrats Wendy! 14 days!! That is a REALLY REAL accomplishment!

I am glad I can help... I trust my Inner Resource when I write, so it is not me so much as it is Intuitive.