The Spiritual Disease of Alcoholism

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The Spiritual Disease of Alcoholism

Postby Patsy© » Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:21 am

Good morning,

I know that I have posted this here before, a long time ago.....but I think its well worth reading it again. It shows for sure that we are not a Glum Lot! :lol:



The Spiritual Disease of Alcoholism

(Transcribed from a talk given by Wayne B.)

"Silkworth says I have a condition known as "alcoholism". I have a soul sickness, I have a sickness of my spirit"

"On page XXIV Silkworth says through Bill Wilson that I am "maladjusted to life, In full flight from reality and an outright mental defective." (That was my hope for the future.)"

Now you might wonder how that "ism" manifests in me as a child of God?

When I tell you I'm an alcoholic who suffers from alcoholism, according to Silkworth, Dr. Harry Tebou, Rev. Sam Shoemaker and Fr. Ed Dowling, here is what that means to me. When I tell you I'm an alcoholic, what I'm really suggesting is that I realize I look to you right now like a full grown mature adult man. In reality, I remain childish, grandiose and gravely, emotionally immature. As a going human concern my natural state is one of growing anxiety, depression and fear, coupled with an intense desire for EXCITEMENT. A condition of being which is complicated with and exacerbated by an obsessive, compulsive, impulsive, excessive, controlling, demanding need ..for attention, acceptance, and unqualified approval. A condition of being which renders me restless, irritable and discontent with life.

Now you might wonder how the restless, irritable discontented self affects my mental, emotional nature? Mentally my thought life is governed by 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity, all of which drive me to live my life according to selfish, dishonest, self seeking, and considerate resentful and frightened motives in life. Motives if left unattended in me, arouse and engage dangerous and life threatening, and I said Life Threatening, levels of lust, pride, anger, envy, greed, sloth, gluttony, I turn into a pig, I WANT IT ALL. And that renders me ..emotionally a bit sensitive. Which means I have a strong tendency to take anything I see or hear, personal. I don't like criticism, and I can't stand praise simply because I don't believe you.

When it comes to suffering emotionally, I don't like to suffer emotionally, I don't suffer well, and I don't suffer Alone!
Socially, I'm a bankrupt idealist, and brooding perfectionist who lives defensively and guarded in fear of being found out. As such I tend to rationalize, minimize, justify, and deny all my actions while casting blame upon innocent people in a vigorous attempt to avoid detection.

Regarding my fellow man and woman, I demand (and I said DEMAND) the absolute attention and control..of everybody. My response to you is I'm quick to anger, slow to virtue and I get a distinct, succinct delight and twisted pleasure out of criticizing and judging everybody I see. My outstanding characteristic is defiance, and rebellion dogs my every step.

Now as a child of God, that's a catalogue of my finer qualities. Anybody want a date? Oh my God...You might laugh at those symptoms, that means identification. They leave me with a condition known as "alcoholism" and here's how they appear in real life. I don't fit in, I don't belong, I'm not a part of and I always wonder what is wrong with me.

When I drink alcohol, ethyl hydroxide, that creates an abnormal illusionary effect in my mind of pending, seaming, normalcy. And if I ever drink again it's gonna be because I feel different, I don't fit in, I don't belong. So it's incredibly important that I stay here in the center of Alcoholics Anonymous and do that which I know will keep me in good stead with you."
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
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Patsy©
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