Hello, I guess...

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Hello, I guess...

Postby kast75 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:03 am

I'm not a big fan of getting help and have always made jokes that AA is for quitters. Most of me likes to think only weaker minded people need a support group like this to keep going, but recently, I've realized I'm not as strong as I like others to believe.

I act like I'm stronger then I am because others around me would have crumbled with what I have experienced, being an army vet, but it doesn't stop my pain.

I've realized I'd rather be numb than face my problems, and I don't really think talking to random people on a web site like this will help, but I'm willing to try. No one is stronger alone then in a group, and while I feel I can deal with my problems, the fact I'm here proves otherwise.

Since I'll admit I'm not sober, I'll check back tomorrow and probably have more thoughts.

So, take care.
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby positrac » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:53 am

Hey and welcome:



I was 3 years sober in Somalia and I didn't drink over that mental cluster! I still have nightmares and struggle with life and I am not a quitter as I am a survivor. It is said that what doesn't kill us; makes us stronger...... I often wonder about that and yet I am still sober and my quality of life is very good and I don't have to look over my shoulder unless I need to.

You see misery is optional in the sober way of life and you are the sole key. You aren't unique and many of us were and are just like you in certain aspects and yet we physically are different.

If you left this earth right now I have to ask what your legacy would be due to the fact you say being numb is better than facing your problems? In the service we got dealt a lot of other people's agenda and we opted to join and so we had no choice but to follow orders. You are a person and so now you can address your issues and follow only the orders on how to not drink, drug and or medicate your soul. The best part is you have nothing to lose as you are numb anyways. So if it ain't your cup of tea then you can walk. You know with no regerts... regrets

I didn't give any answers and maybe pissed you off. My intent is and will always be step up and put your game face on! This deal of addictions is a life or death thing and I want to live free and so I've opted to stay sober at all cost.

Remember boot camp and how some couldn't cope with certain parts of the training and they got dropped from your company? Your threshold of pain is what motives change. I hope you'll stick around and start this journey as it is never dull and just when, well it all changes as it is life on life's terms.

Hope you have a good day.

Go Navy!
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:54 am

Most of me likes to think only weaker minded people need a support group like this to keep going, but recently, I've realized I'm not as strong as I like others to believe.


Yep, you are in the right place. Something peculiar about alcoholism. The mind is strong is all other areas, but when it comes to alcohol, we succumb to the desire. Thats powerlessness. We keep going back to that for solution.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby Blue Moon » Wed Aug 30, 2017 4:52 pm

kast75 wrote:always made jokes that AA is for quitters.

Well, that's sort-of true ;)

In my drinking days, I felt disdain for anyone who was in a bar ordering something silly like "orange juice". But at the end of my drinking, things were pretty bad. Today, I have a certain strength that I never had even before I started drinking.

Keep coming back.
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby kast75 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:49 am

It's been a few days, and since i'm being as honest as I can, I'm actually pretty drunk. If I seem to be voicing my feelings well, it's because I've always been good at grammar. While I've never been that good at spelling (thank you auto correct) I'm usually good at grammar.

This makes my words a little hard for me to speak. I say a lot that I drink because I enjoy it. Admittedly, I do enjoy being drunk, but it also magnifies the pain in my life when I have a more thoughtful night.

God, this feels like rambling to me, but since this is kinda a response, I need to say this...

positrac

While I'm rather glad more than 1 person responded, I was a little surprised to see another service member respond. To me, it's nice that I'm not the only veteran to have issues after getting out.

I am going to say right now, you have not and can't piss me off. While my emotions are muted enough it wouldn't hit how I am, our shared experience is kinda helping me.

Making the boot camp reference, I understand more than others. While I was there, I had an emotional break. for about 2 weeks, I either cried, or was even more numb then Ifeel now.

While I still feel confused, I'm glad I'm not just a statistic, but a human being. I know me being on this site won't be consistent, but I hope you guys will still support me.

Take care till I come back...
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby positrac » Thu Aug 31, 2017 2:12 am

Kast: I wasn't wanting to piss you off as much as saying you are the key to a different lifestyle. Being drunk was a two fold deal for me. Originally it was really fun as it opened me up to that guy inside screaming to get out! I was funny, and I could hang with the crowd and judgment didn't matter. Then being drunk became filled with anger, remorse and anger for all of those failures and then I'd want to kill, fight, and or injure whomever got in my way because it was my way of stuffing reality. I almost got kicked out because I was now a problem and the military doesn't like problems-they like solutions. Back in the day some 30 years ago drinking was ok and it was looked upon as a necessity because we worked hard and needed to blow off steam. Coming to work drunk and too hung-over was ok as long as it didn't become a "problem" and I was good at work and doing it in a mental mess.


When you sober up reality hits and then you have choices and I hope you can make a meeting and keep going back and just listen and one thing: Some stories are nasty because they fell below the low points and to say "that'll never happen to me" is a not yet in life.

You are a survivor because you made it home and for those that didn't in your unit and or time in the service those are the parts that we have to learn to deal with in our own ways.

Keep coming back and remember: Go Navy! That means Never Again Volunteer Yourself (NAVY) ha, took me 13 years for that to sink in and I left.
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby kast75 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 3:14 am

Thanks positrac, you have given me a few things to think about.

While I'm going to finish the large bottle of vodka I've been drinking on, I'm going to try to stop drinking when it's done. From what I've seen, it will be harder to sleep, but I will try.

Thank you for being supportive, and I'll try to stay active.

Wish me the best of luck.

BTW my name is Kacy but I respond more to Byrd
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:07 am

Hello Byrd,
We usually try not to bombard the new-comers. But we do chime in to offer our experience strength and hope. You talked about numbing the pain but also when drunk the pain being magnified. Yes we get caught in the vicious cycle. But yet we keep going back to that 1st drink. That is true powerlessness. The utter inability to leave it alone, knowing its hurting us. Bill W (co-founder of AA) was a war veteran and so are rest of us, in away way. Almost all of us waged this long drawn battle with the bottle. Finally we realize King alcohol has beaten us to a corner. We then realize that we need help. And for me that point was reached in August of 2006. Then my HP lead my way into the fellowship of AA.

Read Bill Story and see how ambitious Bill was when he came out of the service at a very young age and see where alcoholism took him and then the struggle. The story shows knowledge will not fix it, fear will not fix it only a spiritual awakening will work.

Good luck my friend.
Last edited by avaneesh912 on Fri Sep 01, 2017 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby positrac » Fri Sep 01, 2017 3:05 am

kast75 wrote:Thanks positrac, you have given me a few things to think about.

While I'm going to finish the large bottle of vodka I've been drinking on, I'm going to try to stop drinking when it's done. From what I've seen, it will be harder to sleep, but I will try.

Thank you for being supportive, and I'll try to stay active.

Wish me the best of luck.

BTW my name is Kacy but I respond more to Byrd

What I'll say is that I had to go thru the cycle 3 times before AA and sobriety caught on and if perfection was necessary then I would be out in the grave yard by now. A seed has been planted and honestly and selfishly I wish all new members would get it the first time and save themselves a lot of pain and suffering. But it ain't the fire that motives it is the heat.

Try and honestly give it a go and see what happens as you've got nothing to lose and so much to gain. If I could promise one thing to you it would be that life will get better if you change your situation(s).

I forgot that "thing" ---> Hoo Ah ?!!
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby kast75 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 3:38 am

It's been a bit, and at this point I wonder if I should be putting this somewhere else on the site, but I really should look around more.

It's been a little over a week, but I've made what I call progress. A couple days after my first post here, I admitted to a good friend of mine for almost 3 years now that I reached out to this site to find out that he was in a similar position to me, drinking heavily to drown his problems before I met him.

I will admit that I haven't looked at the 12 steps(And kinda want to at this point), put he told me that he actually was helped by doing what he could to lessen how many days a week he was drunk. While I know it would be better to try to just be sober, I feel proud that in the past 7 days, I've only been drunk 3 of those days.

I'd be prouder if I could stop cold turkey, but some of us need baby steps instead of leaping head first, so take care!
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:20 am

It's really good you came back and checked in with us, and also speaking with a friend who is having some trouble with this himself. As you mention about the location on the site, that's a good point, so we have moved it from Guest Book to For the Newcomer.

AA is not for everyone, although when we do these steps we get a new kind of way to live, that would benefit everyone on earth, but it's basically for those who want to stop drinking but find they can't. And it doesn’t mean just those who drink every day, it's good that you can space out the time between drinking, the point to watch for is how much you drink when you decide to drink. I see people all the time who can have a couple drinks, my wife is one, we keep alcohol at home, and she will have a drink or two of rum and coke every now and then, and I expect that is what 'normal' folks do. I am not normal, and I would have about three of those drinks and think right I feel nice and relaxed now let's stop there, but I can't stop there because I am an alcoholic, and those few drinks have kicked in an urge for more and more, and led me down a nasty path to a place and pain I wish nobody else would have to see and feel.

Our main text which we call the big book, describes a few types of drinkers, I will copy part of that here -
Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor
entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may
have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few
years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason—ill
health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor—becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as
a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

Keep in mind that once the steps are done and we maintain a certain life style; not some nerd lifestyle either, a cool life doing things anyone else would do, then we don't need to be sitting in meetings every night, because as the book says the problem is removed. We enjoy going to help others, and you are helping others just by putting up your experiences here, I hope you will continue to do that, and best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby Roberth » Mon Sep 11, 2017 12:02 pm

Hello kast75 and welcome to E-AA. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. I am also a Viet Nam Vet. Like you I loved the effect of alcohol, well at least the first 10 minutes or so. I spend many years trying to keep that feeling but I always over shot the mark.
I wish I could say I woke up one morning and decided to go to AA but that’s not my story. I did wake up one morning and knew I had to stop but I couldn’t. It took me 5 more years of trial and error to make it to AA.
I have been sober for a while now and by no means has life been perfect. I have done things that I do regret but I do not regret a minute of being sober.
I came to AA to stop drinking and I found something that I didn’t know really existed. I found peace of mind.
Robert
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby mebill » Mon Sep 18, 2017 7:56 am

Hi Byrd,

Like you, I am having a hard time trying to stop drinking again. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around life without alcohol. I am 62 and have been a heavy drinker all my life except for one year of total sobriety thanks to the AA program, then two years alcohol free, but using pain killers, etc. after nine months totally sober. Today I find myself just trying to stay sober for one day. Hopefully I will be able to add more days to it. But for now, I'll take today. Hang in there.
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Re: Hello, I guess...

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 18, 2017 10:17 am

It's nice of you to give encouragement to another Bill, but you really should give yourself a better chance. Like you I didn't finally get sober until later in life at sixty, a year here a few months there, and all with the stupid struggle 'I think I can, I think I can.' Some of us it seems are hard nuts to crack, and only when I was tired of the struggle and hanging in there type of life, never staying sober for very long. Then finally while tied to a bed in a third world run down psych ward, I finally saw the truth, I never really did what those AA people said.

When I got out of that hell hole a couple weeks later I went straight back to AA, I said please show me how these steps are done. Not long after the struggle was over and drinking was not something I thought about, found out life without alcohol was a breeze, because those steps fixed the reason I drank in the first place.

Please go to you tube and type in 'AA Chris R,' just like us in and out, then found the 'right' meeting with people who showed him the way, two weeks later sitting on the tray of his truck crying tears of joy, because as he says 'the stupid obsession was gone.' AA is not about sitting in meetings, it's doing the steps, and I wish you luck in finding the coolest life around, just like me and a couple million others have found.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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