Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby WifeOfSuraj » Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:51 pm

Hi All,

The title sums it up. I have managed to not allow drinking to affect my life MOST OF THE TIME. I started drinking at about age 27. I am almost 43 now and in the last few months have been drinking almost daily. I get angry if anyone stands between drinks and me. I really want to stop. #1 for my health and #2 it is driving wedge between my husband and me. Stress at work has increased more than ever. I go to the dr monthly for stress but it is not helping my desire to drink. Where do I start helping myself? I went online to look up AA meetings. Are they all Christian? I am agnostic. My husband is Hindu. Are in person meetings helpful? The mention of GOD just shuts me down.
My sweet husband has been patient but he is reaching his limit. I am not sure how to start helping myself. My impression is that my husband thinks I am just weak minded and do not want t help myself. This is not true. I KNOW that I have a drinking problem. But the drive for alcohol lately feels like I am possessed and have zero will power. Advice?

Thank You In Advance
WifeOfSuraj
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:31 pm

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Jan 09, 2017 7:26 pm

I get angry if anyone stands between drinks and me.


We call this in AA, spiritual malady. This keeps us going back to it. And then we have a physical problem. Our body wants more. We are caught in this vicious cycle.

Read the book Alcoholics Anonymous, especially Bills Story, More About alcoholism, there is a solution and Doctors Opinion. You can come to a conclusion that without help we are all doomed. We need to have a spiritual awakening. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm
I am possessed and have zero will power. Advice?


You got that right. Read Bills Story, it will illustrate: Self-Knowledge wont fix it, fear will not fix it only a spiritual awakening can fix it.

About the meetings:


You will be amazed how welcoming people are. if you are living in a major city, there should be plenty of groups where you live. Look around.


Good luck.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4642
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby Lali » Mon Jan 09, 2017 9:56 pm

Like Avaneesh said, will power and self-knowledge will not help the alcoholic. I had to become willing. Willing to listen to suggestions given to me such as to get working on the steps. At some point during my step work, I had a spiritual awakening that enabled me to stay stopped. (I had been able to stop drinking in the past, but had not been able to stay stopped until I found AA.)

AA is not a religious program; it is a spiritual program.

My suggestion would be to get to a few meetings so that you can determine if meetings are for you. I say go to a few because not all meetings are the same.

Wishing you well,

Lali
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby positrac » Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:20 am

If you really want to stop then the question is: Do you have a desire? Sounds like you do, next if this is going to ever have any success in your life then you have to get sober for you and not anyone else. See we will fail you and you will fail them/us. Remorse will give into self pity and drinking. You are young and you have options and honesty is the first thing and next is action. You've been drink a few years and this takes time to get used to and you will find you are not who you thought you were (maybe) So get with these ladies on here and let them guide you and they will express more stuff and life will get better.

GOD How about Good Orderly Direction <------ Is that still turn you off? Just don't sweat the small stuff right now and the rest will follow. If your head is attached then your bum will follow and so kind of the way certain aspects of the program works. (Time) Simple program for complicated people it is that simple and yet I worked so hard to make it difficult, and I am not alone in that I can assure you. :roll:
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
Hopi Proverb
User avatar
positrac
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1134
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue Jan 10, 2017 6:22 am

In the Big Book (linked above) you will find a whole chapter called "To The Agnostic" Enjoy!
...a score card reading zero...
User avatar
Spirit Flower
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1748
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:49 am
Location: Texas

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby porcupine » Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:52 pm

For me I was just broken when I came to AA. I saw people who talked and thought like I did but with months and years of sobriety. Almost too much sobriety to believe they could possibly have been drinking like I did.

I'd tried lots of different things. Doctors, psychologists, counselling, white knuckling, changing drinks, mixing with drugs, hiding it all. I couldn't stop for even a few hours. I really didn't know what I was going to do.

I read the steps on the wall in the meeting, saw the God stuff, and was at the point where I said hey if this is what is required I don't care about fighting it any more.

There are a lot of sober people in the meetings I've met with totally different views on their higher power.

I just gave it a go and stuck with it for a bit. It's a disease of perception, they say its like getting a fresh pair of working glasses that help you to see more clearly. I found my perceptions totally changed in a lot of areas once I had some support and some clarity from the daily drinking fog.

Good luck!

porcupine
porcupine
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:21 pm

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby WifeOfSuraj » Sun Jan 15, 2017 4:47 pm

Thank you all so much for your advice and support. I have a long road ahead of me. I have not binged in 5 days which is a long time for me considering the last two months. I have yet to attend my 1st meeting but I know I cannot overcome this on my own because of the truth: I am powerless against alcohol. I am considering seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in substance abuse. I want to be healthy. Thank you all again. I will be sticking around here.
WifeOfSuraj
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:31 pm

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby Greysbox » Mon Jan 16, 2017 11:12 pm

The first step is realizing that you need to quit so you're on the right track!
Greysbox
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2017 1:45 am

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:56 pm

Hi WifeOfSuraj and welcome.

My name is Mary and I'm an alcohollic. I struggled with trying to stay sober for almost two years after my first AA meeting. I just couldn't accept the disease concept of alcoholism--that it was "an allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind"-- or that I was powerless over alcohol. When my liver began to fail and I had to quit drinking or die is when I went back to AA meetings and discovered AA's 24 hour plan. It worked real well for me. There's a description of how the plan works in an AA pamphlet entitled: "This is A.A.... an introduction to the A.A. recovery program". You can read it online by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.

Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24-hour plan also known as the One Day At A Time plan or ODATT.

"....For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say
that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try
to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.”
We concentrate on keeping sober just the cur-
rent twenty-four hours. We simply try to get
through one day at a time without a drink. If we
feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor
resist. We merely put off taking that particular
drink until tomorrow…."


There many atheist or agnostic AA members. An atheist named Jimmy Burwell was one of the founding members of AA back in 1930's. AA published a new pamphlet a few years ago entitled "Many Paths to Spirituality" which you can read online by clicking on this link:

www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-84_manypathst ... uality.pdf‎.

Last October, AA's monthly magazine, the Grapevine, devoted an entire issue to publishing the stories of atheist and agnostic AA members. Here's the link to that forum discussion.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=22397

The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. That's all.


Keep coming back....[/quote]
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2077
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby AAPJ » Tue Mar 28, 2017 5:46 pm

FWIW my sponsor is a Buddhist. Good luck!
AAPJ
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 04, 2015 4:15 am

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby WifeOfSuraj » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:01 pm

*BUMP*
I started seeing a therapist at the end of July. I have been going bimonthly. He hasn't pushed me at all to go to AA BUT I am sure he hopes I make the choice to go on my own without pressure. I appreciate that. And I think I may go for the first time this week. I want to be healthy. And my marriage is still in peril because of goddamn addiction.
Thanks to all who replied to my OP 10 months ago.
WifeOfSuraj
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:31 pm

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby Chelle » Sun Oct 15, 2017 6:11 pm

Good for you coming back here. Glad to hear you still have the desire to stop drinking. Your share is very familiar to me. I saw a therapist many years ago, and it was there that I realized that I needed to quit drinking. I did indeed quit for quite a long time, but my thinking never changed. I picked it back up, and spent 10 more years drinking and it was so hard to quit. Not only that, I trashed my marriage and lost everything. That's when I gave AA a try. Those people in there understood me better than I did myself. I got a sponsor, and started working the steps. I'm telling you, this thing really works.

It really is not a religious program. If it were, I would have got sober at church and that didn't happen. Please don't let that deter you from giving it a fair shot. Alcoholism destroys everything it touches. It's insidious. AA has a solution. I hope you will give it a try =wink
User avatar
Chelle
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 208
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:12 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Need to stop drinking for my health and my marriage

Postby WifeOfSuraj » Mon Oct 16, 2017 10:07 am

Many thanks for the encouragement. I really needed to read your post.
WifeOfSuraj
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 5:31 pm


Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests