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New to e-aa

Postby Hays » Sat Sep 10, 2016 2:02 pm

Hello, I'm Hays and an alcoholic/Addict. Been sober about 4 months. Been 'out there' 25 straight years prior. Many reasons I joined AA. New to e-aa but I thought I'd check it out. I do 2 meetings a day and have a sponsor. Good and bad days but so far so good. Thanks.
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Karl R » Sat Sep 10, 2016 5:37 pm

Hi Hays

Glad you're joining us on our trudge.

Regards
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Duke » Sat Sep 10, 2016 5:56 pm

Welcome Hays. We're always happy to have new folks join us. Browse around a bit. You'll find a lot of experience, strength and hope here. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Lali » Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:51 am

Welcome, hays! It sounds like you're on a good track. Congrats on 4 months!
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby PaigeB » Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:59 am

I found e-aa was VERY helpful in having a daily contact with AA once I felt comfortable enough to cease my daily aa meetings. I came here everyday and still hit 3 or 4 meetings a week.

Glad you found us! It is a good Group.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby ezdzit247 » Sun Sep 11, 2016 4:36 pm

Hi Hays and welcome.

Congratulations on 4 months clean & sober!

I also went to about 2 meetings a day when I finally got sober. I learned a lot listening to the ESH shared by other members and it really helped get me through the rough days. So glad you found the e-aa forums too! Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Hays » Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:32 pm

Thanks guys. As I mentioned, good and bad days. It's not I am tempted to drink but w/ crazy (but loving) wife, three boys (9-7-2) sometimes I wig out and have to place to de-compress. I still go to my bar. They keep NA beer for me and unlike what many say, it's ok for me to still go back. I have 1 or 2 NA's and leave. It's just the ancyness, boredom, etc we all have once sober. I know it will improve but some days it's very tough.
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby PuppyEars » Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:21 pm

Hi Hays. Would you mind sharing what your sponsor's opinion is about you hanging out in bars drinking non-alcoholic brew?
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Brock » Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:24 pm

Yes needing a place to relax when things get too hectic, and also possibly missing the company of the 'gang,' that's something people here will relate to. But I am sorry to tell you, sitting in a bar with NA beer, that's a real bad idea. The time will come after you do the steps of the AA program, that this sort of thing would pose no real danger, but in the meantime, while you may feel quite comfortable doing it, booze is going to call and you will have no defense. The defense comes via the steps, and until you do them, NA beer and bars are just about the worse thing you could choose.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Spirit Flower » Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:27 pm

I don't understand how a man who goes to 2 meetings a day and has 3 kids has time to hang out in a bar.
Go home and help.
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Reborn » Mon Sep 12, 2016 6:57 pm

Welcome e-aa...I have to agree with what has been said already about the NA beer. Don't fool yourself into thinking that this is a safe alternative to drinking the real thing...the important thing to ask yourself is why the need to sit and take the action of drinking(even if it is NA beer). In my opinion people who do this in sobriety are trying to steal a little vicarious pleasure out of being in that atmosphere and pretending to drink. This is destructive behavior for a real alcoholic...eventually the alcoholic will hit a blind spot and drink again...and with us to drink is to DIE. As Brock mentioned take the actions in the steps and this will be something that you will no longer need to do...I say NEED because you still have an alcoholic mind my friend...God be with you.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue Sep 13, 2016 12:49 pm

Hi Hays

Sounds like you have a lovely family. I was divorced and my son was 8 when I first started going to AA meetings and he was about 10 when I finally got sober. I was kind of stark raving sober early on in sobriety--sudden mood swings, mentally ditsy, lots of bad hair days--and really depended on meetings to level me out for at least a few hours every day. I was fortunate in that there were three Alano clubs within about a 15 minute drive so there was always a place for me to hang out, play pool, chat with other AA members, etc and that was very helpful for me too. Are there any Alano clubs in your area?

Also, regarding your "crazy (but loving) wife", I found that it really helped me to understand my own insanity and how I affected different members of my family by going to some Alanon meetings. Seeing myself from a different perspective, especially from the perspective of non-alcoholic friends and family members of alcoholics, helped me to more clearly understand and grasp AA's Step 2, i.e."Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore us to sanity."

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Hays » Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:06 pm

Thanks for the replies guys. The "Bar NA" thing got the response I imagined. First, it is a bar but it's not just a drinking gang. If anything it's the safest place to go when I need to get away. The ones there are fully supportive and have been a tremendous help to me when life issues have occurred as I have w/ them. We attended each others marriages, baptisms and funerals and other life moments over the past decades. So it's not necessarily a drinking "gang" as you will. When the decision came for my sobriety, they all were fully supportive (much more so than family I may add). They even designated an area for the NA for me and keep it stocked. If I ever had the urge to have a drink, this would be the last place I would go b/c they would most likely kick my ass.

As far as my sponsor, he agrees that most of my alcoholic issues began when I was much younger involving drinking in every aspect of my life. Being Catholic in the deep south, hell, they serve beer at kiddie football in the mornings. No one does business, fishes, hunts, hangs out or really anything w/o alcohol. Shoot, we even drink at church! I love beer and always have. I never got drunk and never strived to get drunk. I was always the one most sober, taking care of the other "drunks". It's when Vodka stepped in the way about 15 yrs ago that things changed. That's when drinking for enjoyment began to morph into drinking bc I had to.... physically and mentally. Instead of enjoying a cold beer at lunch, I had a half gallon of vodka at arms reach 24-7. I'd mix it w/ anything if not straight "to get right". That's when drinking became alcoholism/addiction and slavery for me. I have known this for a very long time. I knew I was going to have to quit and join the program soon enough. My sponsor who knows my situation all to well says enjoy it.

My mother died when I was in high school of liver disease, my father has always been in and out of treatment and my brother almost died recently b/c of alcohol (he just had his 2nd birthday). So this wasn't a shock to me. It was a matter of when and were. About two yrs ago the physical began to occur. Yellow eyes, blood in stool, essentially all the symptoms of liver disease. My Dr. said I had to quit immediately. In my alcoholic brain that meant I will have to quit... soon. For a about a yr and a half I went balls to the wall. Vodka from the time I woke till the time I slept. There was alcohol in every liquid I consumed.

Wife, not knowing about the diagnosis, was fed up and kicked me out. I figured this was the "when and were" I had been dreading. I asked my Higher Power "Ok, I'm ready-will you help me?" I had never tried to quit before bc I loved it to much. Now, with the physical and personal falling to ruins, HE said "it's about time asshole, let's do this. I got your back but you gotta do your part and then some!"

So as I mentioned, only going on 4 months which is a pretty big deal for me. I am not tempted for a drink. My issue is dealing w/ life sober. S*** can suck! lol. I know that's what the steps are for. Although I attended my first meeting over 25 years ago, it means something to me now. I would be really screwed w/o the fellowship and the hr or hr's a day I fit in

As for the one who asks about "time w/ 3 boys". That's the point! My wife works 12 hr shifts and I work as well as being Mr. mom. To school, football, soccer, bball, tutoring, dinner, homework... all of it and did I mention I work as well? I love them w/ my heart and soul and don't regret or have a "woe is me" by any means but if I can get 15-30 minutes to myself, I am taking it and having a NA w/ my friends for 30-40 minutes... so be it.

Rant over :)
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby ezdzit247 » Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:33 pm

Loved your rant, Hays

I was a former Catholic who became an atheist and then had a spiritual experience after a 10 day binge in which I heard almost the same thing said to me, i.e. "...."it's about time asshole, let's do this. I got your back but you gotta do your part and then some!" Got my attention too, big time!.... :lol:

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: New to e-aa

Postby Brock » Tue Sep 13, 2016 2:55 pm

That's a good 'rant,' pleasure to read, seems like you have the right attitude after all, when I came down heavily against the bar and the time with friends, I didn't know all this.

Since your sponsor sees nothing wrong I can't disagree, my one hope is that he is the type of alcoholic who drank as much as you did, and understands that until at least step five is done, you may feel like the ice is thick below your feet, but in truth it's the most deceptive feeling there is. The big book goes out of the way to say over and over 'we are without defense against the first drink,' and many of us have paid the price of being overconfident early on.

Some people perhaps because their drinking was nowhere near the level ours was, are able to hold on to just meetings and dumb one day at a time stay away from the first drink ideas, and do this for a long period. The real alcoholic the book describes, of which you are one, can't do that, when they say 'cunning baffling and powerful' it's no joke, it sneaks up and bites you when you least expect.

I don't think anyone else mentioned it, but if you go to you tube there are many good AA speakers, if for example you type in 'AA Chris R,' you will hear a good fellow. He was in and out of AA for seven years before he finally met the sort of sponsor he needed, now he devotes much of his time speaking about the way this program should be done, and at four months in he wouldn't be happy if you hadn't at least reached step five.

You sound like a good man, and I wish you the best.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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