Tips for Sober life

[julie098]

Greetings to all. I am Julie. I am glad for being part of a forum of this sort. This is something that would help me in this needy situation. I am badly in need of some tips and suggestion. People here, help me come out of this situation. I was under a treatment in an addiction centre ( Moderator Edit - see links policy here http://www.e-aa.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=8 ) and one month experience there was simply awesome. I was totally free from addiction for a month. It was a three-month treatment in Edgewood. But a month later I had to take a break for attending a function of my cousin. It was a marriage function. I was forced to drink moreover I was not able to control my urge for this. I am not able to decide what is to be done.Should I go back to the addiction centre ? Should I stay home and try some other methods to overcome this? If then I need tips for that. But I loved that place and that really helped me to have a one-month sober life.
But I am embarrassed to go back there and have a treatment from the beginning. It is like showing disrespect to the efforts made by the Docs there right.
Can anyone here help me in taking the decision? What should I do?

[Noels]

Good morning Julie and welcome to e-aa I can relate to the treatment centre experience as well as the disappointment after when we take that first drink.
It is entirely up to you - whether you wish to go back to the treatment centre or whether you wish to join AA and get clean by following our wonderfully simple 12 step program. If you wish to go this route the best would be to (I) contact AA in your area - their details should be on Internet or the phone book (or perhaps one of the moderators here can post a link to help you during the course of the day), (ii) find out where there is an AA meeting going closest to you, (iii) attend such meeting, listen to the shares of others and speak to the chairman of the meeting or any other person to who you relate to and discuss your situation with such person after the meeting.
That is how my journey to sobriety started.
The site is quiet at the moment but I'm sure some more members will be along during the course of the day to give you some more input but getting to a meeting to be with people who understand the disease of alcoholism is the first step to recovery.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a part of your wonderful journey to sobriety.
Love and Light
Noels xxx

[positrac]

I was forced to drink moreover I was not able to control my urge for this.

Wow so you had a gun held to your head? Or were tied up and they poured booze down your throat? I get the controlling urges and I know I have to take responsibility for my actions.

I hate these posts because it is my belief that we are supposed to tell you what to do in order to fix your mess of a life..... Wrong it is solely on you to get your butt back into rehab and stop making excuses. I bet if this were Vegas and I could put odds on your past and win big as you've been blame shifting your whole life and now that you are in a corner you don't know what to do next because blame shifting is finally failing you.


Facts: None of our lives are perfect and all we have is today! I bag on everyone who goes down this trail because you have free will and choices and nobody made you do anything you didn't already mentally plan to do yourself!

You want to live? Get back into recovery! You want to die? Keep drinking and blaming the problems you have on everything else.

Suggestions are free and they either work or they don't depending on you. Honesty is an inside job and you can only BS a few people before they see through your crap.

So if you want what we have (sobriety) then the only requirement is a desire.

Two things can happen here: 1) reality light goes off and you see you are the problem and alcohol is a mere symptom.
2) you get a huge resentment over this post and drink yourself into a whole new mess of problems.

Honestly I want you to find sobriety and clean your life up. But be honest and do what is right because I can tell you nobody in rehab, or the patients are paying your bills, or putting food on your table in your current condition. So what does it matter if they see you come back after going out? If anything you are an example of what not to do! And you might save somebodies life in the process.

I don't matter nor does anyone else on this board matter as you are the most important person today and you gotta-----wanna get sober for you and only you!

[D'oh]

What Positrac said. Or I pictured maybe a Water Table.

I was forced to drink moreover I was not able to control my urge for this. I am not able to decide what is to be done. Should I go back to the addiction centre ?

Julie, only you can decide if you should go back. Only you can decide if you want help. Only you can come to terms that, you might/are dealing with a Progressive Illness that is trying to Kill You.

So I suggest, Look at your post. From there , make a decision weather you are ready for help or need to try it Your way for now. The doors will always be open, if you make it back to them.

Good Luck and God Bless.

[avaneesh912]

I was not able to control my urge for this.

You still have an alcoholic mind and it will trick you into that first drink over and over again. What they did at the treatment center was removed alcohol from your body but they didn't fix the mind. I always remember a woman at my old home group say. I got the most expensive big book on her 3rd visit to a recovery program. They sent her home with a big book after she spent 38k. If you can resist further drinking (i am not sure your how your mental framework is at this moment), I would suggest visiting a local AA meeting and find a good sponsor who could help you understand the powerlessness and un-manageability of this disease and help you have a psychic change. If not, I would suggest you go back to the program but this time, I am sure there are people bringing in AA meetings into the facility, find a sponsor and start working the 12 steps.

Its funny the 1/2 house I go to on Wednesday, half the crowd got evicted because they gotten into old behavior and started partying at the 1/2 way house. Fortunately/Unfortunately we belong to a class of beings only a spiritual awakening can fix us.

[ezdzit247]

Can anyone here help me in taking the decision? What should I do?

Hi Julie and welcome.

My suggestion is go with what positrac said and D'oh seconded. Getting yourself back to rehab immediately and finishing the 90 day program at the treatment center is the best decision you could make. Staying sober may come easily to normal people but it is not easy for alcoholics and relapses are a common occurrence among AA members, especially newcomers. Your docs at the treatment center know this and are there, ready and willing, to help you continue with your recovery. My ESH is that sobriety is an acquired skill, like learning to ski for example. It helped me to think of it that way. The collective ESH of the AA fellowship is that those of us who are willing to humble ourselves and accept help, can and will learn this skill.

Keep coming back....

[Stepchild]

Some interesting responses....

I hate these posts because it is my belief that we are supposed to tell you what to do in order to fix your mess of a life..... Wrong it is solely on you to get your butt back into rehab and stop making excuses.

My suggestion is go with what positrac said and D'oh seconded. Getting yourself back to rehab immediately and finishing the 90 day program at the treatment center is the best decision you could make. Staying sober may come easily to normal people but it is not easy for alcoholics and relapses are a common occurrence among AA members, especially newcomers.

Maybe my experience with treatment centers can offer you a different view than the above. My brother paid to put me in a rehab...As he put it....Rather than watching me die. I enjoyed the experience...I also needed a medically supervised detox which I received there. Five days worth.

I felt safe there and I was in for a 30 day stay...I can't say that the thought didn't run through my mind about what the outcome would be when I left this controlled environment. It scared me. I was introduced to AA in there...Given the book Alcoholics Anonymous by my councilor as well as attending a 6:00 am meeting everyday a woman I met there was kind enough to take me to.

My roommate was just finishing a 90 day stay there and he left....I actually saw him at the 6:00 am meeting two days later picking up a 24 hour chip. He had stopped on the way home and picked up a few beers...This had a major effect on me.

I ended up leaving that rehab after 18 days....I could see that the book I had been studying offered a solution that required action on my part...And I gave AA everything I had. I attended a few meeting a day...I had a sponsor three or four days out of there that I asked to help take me through the 12 steps. And we did that. I never relapsed....I found a life I didn't think was possible....I'm coming up on five years happily sober....And I'm here to tell you....This can be done by you.

[Noels]

Thanks for sharing Stepchild. My experience with clinics were similar. I must say though that I never went in for addiction. It was always because the meds I was on at that time wasn't working and needed adjustment. BUT I always joined the addiction group and their schedule.

The first time I just wanted out. I hated the rules, regulations, couldn't relate but started fitting in after a while and stayed. I found however that it was such a protected environment that I always had this fear and difficulty to adjust when I came back into the real world and it wasn't long before I picked up that first drink again.

This time around there were no clinics involved. I stopped taking the meds last year January and have never felt better. This time I myself made the decision that I no longer wanted to be the person I had become, went to a meeting, listened and started working the 12 step program. It wasn't always easy in the beginning as a psychic change was required but because I made the decision myself to become sober I stuck with the program, used the tools in the BB, KEPT GOING BACK and have enjoyed a sober and alcohol free life and environment for almost 10 months now. All the clinc visits achieved was to make me feel like a failure because I could never stay sober for longer than 3 months after each visit.

Dont get me wrong - the clinics did what they had to do but THEY couldn't get me sober. I had to make that decision myself.

When a medical detox is required - by all means GO to a clinic. Immediately as detox on your own can kill if it's really bad. BUT recovery out of clinics IS possible as long as you are open minded and willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve sobriety. By the grace of God, the support of my loved ones and the guidance of AA I am living proof thereof.
Love and light
Noels

[positrac]

Reading the points mentioned I can say that rehab for me was much more rigorous because they held a tight reign over us. But once out that security was gone and it is easy to get down on ourselves over the stupidest stuff and decide to drink. I had a roommate who drank really heavy and I came home one day with about nine months sober and I was all twisted up over work and I wanted to get drunk. See we drunks want approval for our actions and so my roommate who was a major maintenance drunk said he'd kick my azz if I drank! He said I was doing what he couldn't do and I stopped and thought the drink through and my urge to drink did go away. I was active in AA and was doing what I needed to do back then and so we all come in contact with these urges and we have choices if we decide to fall into the trap. Today I can look back and say it was a piece of cake and at the time it was very hard to deal with life on life's terms. This too shall pass is what I was told and you know what? It has.

I came off hard yesterday because this is a life or death deal we play with our addictive personalities and we must realize we are not like "them" who can drink and drug for now.... My experience and stories can prove that I am on to something regarding fine lines of addiction and the damage it does to everyone around us.

Bottom line is nobody has to like me for what I say; but you do want me in your fox hole if you are serious about getting sober and staying sober.

[Stepchild]

Reading the points mentioned I can say that rehab for me was much more rigorous because they held a tight reign over us. But once out that security was gone and it is easy to get down on ourselves over the stupidest stuff and decide to drink.

I don't see this a matter of how tight a reign is being held over us...It was an alcohol free environment and I needed that....I couldn't make it through an afternoon without drinking. I went in there without defense against that first drink....And unless I had that psychic change the book says I needed to have....as the result of working the steps....There was very little hope of my recovery. I would leave there with no more defense than I had when I was poured in there.

This was my reason for leaving early....It's why I completely gave myself to this simple program.....And I took the action required vigorously. I guess I look at rehab as a safe place to dry out....I used my time there to read and reread the book....Ask questions of people that I met at the one morning meeting I attended....Or from AA members that came in and spoke....And I made plans for what I would do I upon leaving...Which to me is a much more critical time for an alcoholic...Than the time spent inside. What am I going to do when I get out? That's the question.

[positrac]

Reading the points mentioned I can say that rehab for me was much more rigorous because they held a tight reign over us. But once out that security was gone and it is easy to get down on ourselves over the stupidest stuff and decide to drink.

I don't see this a matter of how tight a reign is being held over us...It was an alcohol free environment and I needed that....I couldn't make it through an afternoon without drinking. I went in there without defense against that first drink....And unless I had that psychic change the book says I needed to have....as the result of working the steps....There was very little hope of my recovery. I would leave there with no more defense than I had when I was poured in there.

This was my reason for leaving early....It's why I completely gave myself to this simple program.....And I took the action required vigorously. I guess I look at rehab as a safe place to dry out....I used my time there to read and reread the book....Ask questions of people that I met at the one morning meeting I attended....Or from AA members that came in and spoke....And I made plans for what I would do I upon leaving...Which to me is a much more critical time for an alcoholic...Than the time spent inside. What am I going to do when I get out? That's the question.

Rehabs today seem more like vacation destinations and really nice and safe with a lot of perks which reality does not have.
I needed structure, accountability and someone to set me straight in the early days and it got my attention. I had a hard time accepting the "simple" program and eventually I kept coming back and it just set in for me.

[Stepchild]

I needed structure, accountability and someone to set me straight in the early days and it got my attention. I had a hard time accepting the "simple" program and eventually I kept coming back and it just set in for me.

Did you remain sober till it sank in?

[positrac]

I needed structure, accountability and someone to set me straight in the early days and it got my attention. I had a hard time accepting the "simple" program and eventually I kept coming back and it just set in for me.

Did you remain sober till it sank in?

I did and I was scared to get drunk because I had become a ticking time bomb when I got drunk and I knew I would die if I kept acting that way. So fear at that time was my main motivator and acceptance to the program would follow and I could achieve the work of the steps. It was a total process for me and so I can relate to ones who push back as I pushed hard on compliance with AA and the structure. I was good with meetings and sobriety, it was the steps and the inner work I didn't like.

[Stepchild]

I was good with meetings and sobriety, it was the steps and the inner work I didn't like.

I don't think there are many of us that did like it. Bill W. talks about this in Bill's Story...

Trembling, I stepped from the hospital a broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of that first drink, and on Armistice Day 1934, I was off again.
Page 8

It's not an uncommon thing.

[Noels]

Rehabs today seem more like vacation destinations and really nice and safe with a lot of perks which reality does not have.
I needed structure, accountability and someone to set me straight in the early days and it got my attention. I had a hard time accepting the "simple" program and eventually I kept coming back and it just set in for me.

Structure and routine was always something I battled with YET is so necessary for an addictive personality.

Rehabs today seem more like vacation destinations and really nice and safe with a lot of perks which reality does not have.

Depends on where you go. The last clinic (not even a proper rehab BUT with a proper rehab program) one I went to had a time schedule and group cession after group cession. 5 minutes to smoke inbetween probably every 2 hours. We had to meet together at 7.45 every morning for the Daily Reading and Serenity Prayer, at 08h00 breakfast, 08h30 an hour exercise then the group cessions started. All the way up to 5. 18h00 was supper and every night either a NA meeting or AA meeting at 19h00 until 20h30. Then it was meds, last cuppa and whatever homework we got that day. One day I really felt ill right in the beginning and about 2 I asked if I could rather go and lie down. My request was refused. If one person wasn't on time or broke a rule the entire group got " consequences ". Hehehehe believe me ... it was no walk in the park. BUT even THAT 3 weeks didn't keep me sober. I did learn a lot though for which I am grateful.