Sloth out of control

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Sloth out of control

Postby Marv_ich » Mon Mar 16, 2015 2:04 pm

Hello folks, my name is Marvin and i'm an alcoholic.

I've been clean and on program for 10 months now and as you can imagine, my life has taken a dramatic twist, and a very good one. But there is this one thing I have inside me that I just can't control, and so I've come to this forum to hear a suggestion from someone who has the same trouble:

It is extremely difficult for me to get out of bed.

Today I'm self employed, this means I have to wake up every morning and look for clients my self. So far and thank God i'm doing ok. But to be honest, I'm starting my day at 1pm some times even 2pm. On a normal day, I go to bed at 2 am more less, and wake up at 9 or 10 am, but I force my self back to sleep for three or even four extra hours. This is not normal I know, humans sleep 6-8 hours of sleep and Im taking 10-12 hours of forced sleep. Every morning my head tells me some different excuse not to get out of bed: "You deserve it" "there is no hurry". This is combined with a complete lack of motivation to get out of bed (despite the fact that when I'm awake I like my life, and consider my self a happy person now). All the stuff I have to do, overwhelms me and makes me not wanna face them.

I've spoken with my sponsor about this problem. He tells me that as long as I do all the stuff that is in my "list of activities" of the day its ok. That when you are self employed you don't really have a normal schedule. I've listen to this advise but to be honest I think that I'm only performing at my 50% capacity. I've spoken this problem too at my AA meetings too.

To be honest this is a problem I have SINCE CHILDHOOD. My parents had to wake me up like 3-5 times to go to school every morning. I hated it, they where rude to me, specially my father.

Anyway, I'm looking for suggestions here too with the best will and an open mind. Thank you for listening.
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby desypete » Mon Mar 16, 2015 2:58 pm

hi
can i ask what sort of routine do you have in your day ?
do you do any sort of outside activities or excerizes ?

when i was first learning how to get sober and stay sober i had to first of all learn how to get some sort of routine in my life. which helped me big time to get my mind moving

when my son died i shut myself off away from the world and stayed in bed trying to just sleep away my pain, i hardly ever got out of bed it was the only place i could try to escape and i was sleeping over 12 hours a day at least. i just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again
people said i must be depressed and to see the dr which i did but the dr wanted to give me some pills and i refused them as i know i was hurting and i also know that its down to me i can either sit there and do nothing all day long or i can try to get myself moving again.

so for me i had to get back into a routine daily from the moment i wake up i have a cup of tea and then a bath, see to any mail any cleaning that might need doing i dont let things go if there is a job to be done then get on with it get it done

my sponsor starts his day off with a 100 lengths of the swimming baths he is nearly 70 years old but he sticks to his routine in life from his readings to seeing to his family then to himself then to who he can help etc

he would say that if he doesnt do those things then he will get lazy and end up not wanting to do anything with his day, then start to feeling low and sad, sorry for himself etc and that is how i can be to if i let myself go down so its got to be action for me and not sit back saying i can not do it i dam well have to either that or sit there in my own pain and misery, if i choose to sit in my own pain it will all depend on how long i will stay that way ? an hour a day a week ?

so maybe if you can have a look at just what you do in your day and ask yourself could you do things different ? can you do a bit of excersize as that sure does sharping up the mind and gives a lot of people energy

if i was you reading some of these suggestions my head would be saying yes i could do that but then my heart would be knowing only to well i will not do it and i will instead stay in my comfort zone as i dont like the sound of doing some work lol so i would give in to that feelling as if it didnt feel right then that was good enough for me to not do somthing

so i had to learn how to ignore my own head or negitive feelings and just do the opposite, how many times have i said i am not going to do something as i didn't like the sound of it ? i would put myself off doing anything until i just tried it once, then i would come to see it wasn't so bad and i actually would find i enjoy it

so next time you feel like going back to bed try and go for a walk instead or piop down to the local shop to buy something dont take a car but have a walk and if you can while your walking along if you pass someone try saying good morning to them as you pass them

that just some of the things i had to learn to do myself from my sponsor who even taught me to keep my head held up high i had to walk dont the street counting chimney tops on the tops of houses lol

anyway hope there is somthing in there that can help you and good luck
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Niagara » Tue Mar 17, 2015 1:50 am

Hey Marv, and welcome to E-AA

Procrastination is my middle name too......or sloth in five syllables. Why put off until tomorrow what you can put off until next year ;) This is part of steps 6 and 7 for me. What am I going to give up, so it can be replaced with something better.

To do this, I must work against myself. That means I've got to do stuff I don't want to do. When I do the stuff I don't want to do, I begin to see the value in a better way of doing things, compared to the value of my way of doing things, if that makes sense. Bring the body, and the mind will follow.

I can think about changing all my life, but unless I put the action in, my thoughts will just stay in my head, and along with that come the feelings of guilt, that I'm not good enough etc.

These days instead of avoiding what I know I should be doing, I get it out of the way fast, instead of doing what I want to do, right up until the last minute where I have to cram everything in. What I realized is if I put it off until the last minute, all the time I'm doing the 'fun' stuff, I'm not enjoying it as much as I should because my thoughts know I still have it to do. Once my responsibilities are taken care of, the rest of the day is mine guilt free. I had to do this before I saw the truth of it though.

I also inventory this stuff, and often discuss such things with my sponsor, because a lot of my defects I didn't even realize were there, and it's real hard to work against something I don't know I have. Often, he's able to shine a light on the truth of a situation, which for me usually comes down to fear of some kind. I fear, so I avoid. I'm running on feelings, not on facts.

If I get to the point I see the truth of the situation, yet seem unable to change it, I pray for the willingness. If you know that you're only running at 50% capacity, yet continue to choose to do so without knowing why, it would seem another example of powerlessness and unmanageability. If you're powerless, you need a power greater than yourself.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby positrac » Tue Mar 17, 2015 8:02 am

Do you do any exercise? Maybe doing some light exercise during the day will motivate you to get up and get moving. I might also ask if depression is up on you. I am semi self employed and I can't afford not turning and burning and when I get depressed I don't wanna...... So maybe like it was said earlier is changing up some habits and see what might work for you.

Procrastination


This is my favorite one and it hurts me every time I allow it to control something I need to herd some task that I feel I can't do.

Keep up the efforts as 10 months is nothing to take lightly.
be well.
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Marv_ich » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:12 pm

Pete my man. Seriously thanks a lot. Your whole answer was great, but I think you really moved me when you sayd: "i had to learn how to ignore my own head or negative feelings and just do the opposite".

Its good to know someone that had sort of the same problem and solve it. That is really inspiring. Sorry to hear about your son. Did you know that AA speaker Sandy B. lost her daughter. Look for his speeches on youtube, he is great!

Again, thanks a lot!
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Marv_ich » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:14 pm

positrac wrote:Do you do any exercise? Maybe doing some light exercise during the day will motivate you to get up and get moving. I might also ask if depression is up on you. I am semi self employed and I can't afford not turning and burning and when I get depressed I don't wanna...... So maybe like it was said earlier is changing up some habits and see what might work for you.

Procrastination


This is my favorite one and it hurts me every time I allow it to control something I need to herd some task that I feel I can't do.

Keep up the efforts as 10 months is nothing to take lightly.
be well.


Thanks a lot! I do exercise, maybe not enough or not at the right time thou. Thaks!
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Marv_ich » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:15 pm

desypete wrote:hi
can i ask what sort of routine do you have in your day ?
do you do any sort of outside activities or excerizes ?

when i was first learning how to get sober and stay sober i had to first of all learn how to get some sort of routine in my life. which helped me big time to get my mind moving

when my son died i shut myself off away from the world and stayed in bed trying to just sleep away my pain, i hardly ever got out of bed it was the only place i could try to escape and i was sleeping over 12 hours a day at least. i just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again
people said i must be depressed and to see the dr which i did but the dr wanted to give me some pills and i refused them as i know i was hurting and i also know that its down to me i can either sit there and do nothing all day long or i can try to get myself moving again.

so for me i had to get back into a routine daily from the moment i wake up i have a cup of tea and then a bath, see to any mail any cleaning that might need doing i dont let things go if there is a job to be done then get on with it get it done



my sponsor starts his day off with a 100 lengths of the swimming baths he is nearly 70 years old but he sticks to his routine in life from his readings to seeing to his family then to himself then to who he can help etc

he would say that if he doesnt do those things then he will get lazy and end up not wanting to do anything with his day, then start to feeling low and sad, sorry for himself etc and that is how i can be to if i let myself go down so its got to be action for me and not sit back saying i can not do it i dam well have to either that or sit there in my own pain and misery, if i choose to sit in my own pain it will all depend on how long i will stay that way ? an hour a day a week ?

so maybe if you can have a look at just what you do in your day and ask yourself could you do things different ? can you do a bit of excersize as that sure does sharping up the mind and gives a lot of people energy

if i was you reading some of these suggestions my head would be saying yes i could do that but then my heart would be knowing only to well i will not do it and i will instead stay in my comfort zone as i dont like the sound of doing some work lol so i would give in to that feelling as if it didnt feel right then that was good enough for me to not do somthing

so i had to learn how to ignore my own head or negitive feelings and just do the opposite, how many times have i said i am not going to do something as i didn't like the sound of it ? i would put myself off doing anything until i just tried it once, then i would come to see it wasn't so bad and i actually would find i enjoy it

so next time you feel like going back to bed try and go for a walk instead or piop down to the local shop to buy something dont take a car but have a walk and if you can while your walking along if you pass someone try saying good morning to them as you pass them

that just some of the things i had to learn to do myself from my sponsor who even taught me to keep my head held up high i had to walk dont the street counting chimney tops on the tops of houses lol

anyway hope there is somthing in there that can help you and good luck


Pete my man. Seriously thanks a lot. Your whole answer was great, but I think you really moved me when you sayd: "i had to learn how to ignore my own head or negative feelings and just do the opposite".

Its good to know someone that had sort of the same problem and solve it. That is really inspiring. Sorry to hear about your son. Did you know that AA speaker Sandy B. lost her daughter. Look for his speeches on youtube, he is great!

Again, thanks a lot!
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Marv_ich » Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:29 pm

Niagara wrote:Hey Marv, and welcome to E-AA

Procrastination is my middle name too......or sloth in five syllables. Why put off until tomorrow what you can put off until next year ;) This is part of steps 6 and 7 for me. What am I going to give up, so it can be replaced with something better.

To do this, I must work against myself. That means I've got to do stuff I don't want to do. When I do the stuff I don't want to do, I begin to see the value in a better way of doing things, compared to the value of my way of doing things, if that makes sense. Bring the body, and the mind will follow.

I can think about changing all my life, but unless I put the action in, my thoughts will just stay in my head, and along with that come the feelings of guilt, that I'm not good enough etc.

These days instead of avoiding what I know I should be doing, I get it out of the way fast, instead of doing what I want to do, right up until the last minute where I have to cram everything in. What I realized is if I put it off until the last minute, all the time I'm doing the 'fun' stuff, I'm not enjoying it as much as I should because my thoughts know I still have it to do. Once my responsibilities are taken care of, the rest of the day is mine guilt free. I had to do this before I saw the truth of it though.

I also inventory this stuff, and often discuss such things with my sponsor, because a lot of my defects I didn't even realize were there, and it's real hard to work against something I don't know I have. Often, he's able to shine a light on the truth of a situation, which for me usually comes down to fear of some kind. I fear, so I avoid. I'm running on feelings, not on facts.

If I get to the point I see the truth of the situation, yet seem unable to change it, I pray for the willingness. If you know that you're only running at 50% capacity, yet continue to choose to do so without knowing why, it would seem another example of powerlessness and unmanageability. If you're powerless, you need a power greater than yourself.


Niagara, I can't thank you enough for the time you took to give me this really awesome answer. There are many things that my mind still needs to digest: Powerlessness, unmanageability, defects I don't even realize are there and working against my self. The last thing is similar to what Pete answered me: ignore what my head is telling me and do the oposite.

I will put action to you advice, I really will, like putting the fun tuff at the end, so I can truly enjoy them.

Thanks again for your answer, I read it all with the voice of Eckart Tolle, you seem like a really wise person.
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Tommy-S » Fri Mar 20, 2015 12:27 am

Welcome Marv :)

Forgive my weighing in a little late on this. Been some good stuff shared

I just wanted to add that at 10 months I was HARDLY any where near being Well... Our book says it's a long road of reconstruction. That's just not repairing the damage I caused in the past, but getting straightened out physically, financially, and mentally/emotionally.

Time takes time, and since your sponsor isn't hitting the panic button and calling in the AA emergency troops, you're where you are supposed to be... So Easy Does It

Obsessing over what is NOT could be the Drink working on you. That negative voice in my head is John Barleycorn hoping to get me discouraged enough to say "Forget It' and pick up the Fatal First One.... I can't afford that Rematch.

Even after many 24 hours, my sponsor still reminds me that "If we ain't had a Drink today, It's a bell-ringing success"

Just keep trudging my friend, and working with that sponsor. You're doing good :)

Thanks... Tommy
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Nuggets » Fri Mar 20, 2015 7:18 am

Marv_ich wrote:Hello folks, my name is Marvin and i'm an alcoholic.

I've been clean and on program for 10 months now and as you can imagine, my life has taken a dramatic twist, and a very good one. But there is this one thing I have inside me that I just can't control, and so I've come to this forum to hear a suggestion from someone who has the same trouble:

It is extremely difficult for me to get out of bed.

Today I'm self employed, this means I have to wake up every morning and look for clients my self. So far and thank God i'm doing ok. But to be honest, I'm starting my day at 1pm some times even 2pm. On a normal day, I go to bed at 2 am more less, and wake up at 9 or 10 am, but I force my self back to sleep for three or even four extra hours. This is not normal I know, humans sleep 6-8 hours of sleep and Im taking 10-12 hours of forced sleep. Every morning my head tells me some different excuse not to get out of bed: "You deserve it" "there is no hurry". This is combined with a complete lack of motivation to get out of bed (despite the fact that when I'm awake I like my life, and consider my self a happy person now). All the stuff I have to do, overwhelms me and makes me not wanna face them.

I've spoken with my sponsor about this problem. He tells me that as long as I do all the stuff that is in my "list of activities" of the day its ok. That when you are self employed you don't really have a normal schedule. I've listen to this advise but to be honest I think that I'm only performing at my 50% capacity. I've spoken this problem too at my AA meetings too.

To be honest this is a problem I have SINCE CHILDHOOD. My parents had to wake me up like 3-5 times to go to school every morning. I hated it, they where rude to me, specially my father.

Anyway, I'm looking for suggestions here too with the best will and an open mind. Thank you for listening.


For me what springs to mind is ..........as I was I drank, I had a problem motivating myself as well but I had to make the effort to change, Change is the word, I had to change or die, yes its not easy but the benefits are worthwhile, I had to work the program don't give yourself a hard time but do somthing to change your life only you can do it, I wish you well.
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby PaigeB » Sat Dec 05, 2015 2:17 pm

I am re-upping this older thread and moving it to Discussions.

I too have this problem. I seem to be the Queen of procrastination. Sleeping or lying about in bed til noon is quite common. Of course I insist on being up quite late too. It is a habit I have tried to break just a little, by getting up at 1030am instead of 1230pm. I did well for a few days, then gave up again.

I cannot figure out why changing this "habit" is so difficult!
Or is it a bonafide character defect?

Your ES&H is most welcome. "Saying" out out loud here and hearing from usually helps me.
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Tosh » Sat Dec 05, 2015 2:41 pm

During the working week I have a set bedtime, which I take seriously, and that helps get me out of bed when I should get out of bed.

I also meditate prior to going to bed, which helps quiet my mind (the two requirements for a good nigh't sleep is a tired body and a quiet mind).

But I do work, and that gets me out of bed; I'm self employed like the OP (I must've missed this post) and I like to start work early and finish early. Work first; play later - I prefer it that way.

At the weekend I also do all the dog walking, and my little lad forces me out of bed because he wants his breakfast.

So in essence, I have a set bedtime (during the working week), I meditate prior to going to bed, and I have things that I've got to get out of bed for (work or my dog).

If I didn't do any of that, being a night owl, I'd probably watch Netflicks and post here till 3.00 am. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Niagara » Sun Dec 06, 2015 2:22 am

PaigeB wrote:
I cannot figure out why changing this "habit" is so difficult!
Or is it a bonafide character defect?



I believe it's a defect in my case. I prayed for my laziness to be removed. Now I wake up at 6.30 every morning, alarm or no. Be careful what you wish for :lol:
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby PaigeB » Mon Dec 07, 2015 1:30 pm

LOL - BUT! I was up before noon today! Progress not perfection...

The secret shared has less power? Our secrets keep us sick?
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Re: Sloth out of control

Postby Tosh » Mon Dec 07, 2015 1:38 pm

PaigeB wrote:The secret shared has less power?


I've thought about 'power' and where it comes from, you know, for the stuff I do. I find that when I have to do something that only me benefits from, I'm not very good at that. For example, on the rare occasions I have to go to a meeting alone (because the guys I normally give lifts to can't go), I find I really struggle to get to a meeting. But when I've got to pick someone up (as I normally do) to go to a meeting; I'm there.

I find there's a heck of a lot of power in the "We" and not a lot in the mere "I".

And it's not just me either. I remember I trained for a marathon with a sponsee and it got cancelled due to a heavy snowfall. I was okay not running it, but my sponsee who had collected a lot of money for a cancer charity (his mum had not long died of cancer) went on a mission to find another marathon and run it (I didn't). He didn't want to let the people who had donated money down. He had more power than me; I was just running it for myself.

I think what I would do is try to find a strategy that includes others. A commitment at an early morning meeting maybe? :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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