Chaos is in the house

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Chaos
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Chaos is in the house

Post by Chaos »

*Sigh* where to start ....

My drink of choice was red wine. I met a man 5 years ago, he was a red wine drinker. We would have a glass maybe 2 tops 2 or 3 times a week.

As time went on, we would finish off a bottle a night. I told myself I am fine, red wine is good for your heart, right?

Last July I started having terrible anxiety attacks. Well, I guess you wouldn't call them attacks, they lasted all day long. I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted. I went to my doctor and he gave me a prescription that he was sure would help with the anxiety. 2 months went by, nothing had changed.

Then my spiral down started. I got up one morning and was getting ready for work. The anxiety was terrible. Then I had a thought. What if I had just a small sip of wine to settle me down? To make a long story short, by December I was drinking 24/7. I drank when I woke up. I drank at work. I drank as soon as I got home until I went to bed. When I woke in the night (as I always did), I would have yet another drink. My daughter was distraught and very concerned, although she didn't know the full extent of my problem. Our relationship started to deteriorate. I would have to sneak wine into the house and find a hiding spot, hoping she wouldn't find it. On April 17th, I lost my job because of my drinking on the job. But, I still continued to drink myself into a mess for another 27 days. During this time, my daughter begged me to get help. We spoke of detox. I was terrified of the thought of giving up my drinking.

On May 14th my daughter said "this is the day, we are taking you to detox". My appointment time was 8:30 p.m. and I drank right up til the moment we left.

Detox, without a doubt, was the worst experience of my life. I woke up on the 16th shaking so badly that they sent an ambulance for me, assuming that I was about to seizure. They put me on an I.V. and doubled my valium. I was sent back to the detox center later that evening. I asked the doctor if I could stay for one more night as I was terrified of what could happen. He basically told me that hospital beds were for the sick, not drunks. The detox center I went to had a maximum stay of 7 days. When I was released, my Mother had to come stay with me. I could not walk without falling down. She is 73 and she was taking care of ME.

I have now been sober for 34 glorious days. I have yet to attend a AA meeting, but I did meet with one of their members in my home. I am scared to go to an AA meeting. I'm not sure why, perhaps it is admitting to myself that, yes, I am an alcoholic. I have just started having cravings in the evening, but I am drinking apple juice my the gallons. I am going to my first AA meeting next week. This I promised to myself.

Just wanted (needed) to share ......

Sheryl
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Sheryl »

Chaos, congratulations on how far you've come! 34 days - Awesome! Please go to a face to face meeting in your area and share your story. You can inspire someone who is in their first week, who doesn't know what to expect or know that they can make it that far. Thanks for sharing

MyNameisVictor
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by MyNameisVictor »

Hi Chaos,

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on giving this a try! When you speak about the hospital you went to, may I ask what city/region you are from? I only ask because what the doctor told you in regards to hospital beds being for sick people, not drunks, is pretty narrow-minded (I'm ER an doctor so I'm curious).

Your story is neither strange nor unusual to any of us here, believe me. This program began because when Bill W. told Dr. bob his story in 1934, Dr. Bob said, "Finally, here was a fellow who spoke my language..."

I urge you to go to a meeting. I know it seems scary right now, but when you're there, I assure you that you will find out that there's absolutely nothing to be scared of - that the fear was something your mind had concocted.

Go to a meeting and start healing. Insulin is medicine for those who have diabetes. AA is medicine for those who suffer from what we suffer.

Also, as the program says, "if you don't pick up that first drink, you can't get dunk."

Good luck and God bless.

Victor
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

MyNameisVictor
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by MyNameisVictor »

My apologies, Chaos, I meant to say one more thing from a medical standpoint - medical detox does not get rid of withdrawal symptoms, it only ensures that a patient won't die from acute withdrawal (the first three to five days after stopping drinking). Post acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) can last for many weeks, in some cases up to a year after stopping. Consult with your doctor, but don't be too alarmed if your hands are still slightly to moderately trembling a month or two after you stop drinking. It also takes several weeks for your body to fully regain it's sense of balance. Mood swings, unusually high levels of anxiety and moderate insomnia are also common during PAWS, as the central nervous system slowly stabilizes. Drink lots of fluids (Gatorade, water) and take a multiple vitamin that has a full day's dosage of vitamin B-12. Also, visit your doctor if the symptoms get severe, and when it comes to the mood swings, go to meetings and talk to other alcoholics! There can be no better prescription than that! As AA says, feelings are real, but they're not facts.
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

Mike O
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Mike O »

Hi chaos,

Welcome to the group.

Here's where it's at:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Start reading. Start working the steps.

-Mike :D

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Hanna
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Hanna »

Hi Chaos, your story sounds alot like mine. Lost my job and my license, dui, yet I continue to drink to stop the anxiety and embarassment. The drinking is only making it worse. So far today no drink. I'm going to try it one day at a time. I would love to say I had 34 glorious days. I haven't felt glorious in a long time.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

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ann2
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by ann2 »

Welcome Hanna -- glad you're here -- thanks for joining us -- :D

Ann in Sweden
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Tosh
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Tosh »

Hanna wrote:Hi Chaos, your story sounds alot like mine. Lost my job and my license, dui, yet I continue to drink to stop the anxiety and embarassment.
Welcome, Hanna, and see, drinking isn't the real problem - not really - it's the way you feel sober (anxiety) that's the real problem. Drinking is just your solution to the way you feel when you're sober. In A.A. we have a spiritual solution to treat the root of the problem, and along the way the drinking ceases to be a problem. It's quite amazing; serious; in the long term no will power is required - though it's needed in the early days.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Chaos
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Chaos »

Thank you for your kind words Sheryl. I am going to my first meeting this coming Tuesday. I know 34 days is just a single drop in a river but, I was terrified to even consider a single day without a drink..

Victor ... I was in a hospital in Kitchener, Ontario. He was actually very rude with me. Like I was wasting his time while he had others to attend to. After hearing what he had to say, I was quite eager to leave the hospital. Every once and awhile my hands will shake, but no where near as bad as when I was drinking and needed a drink. Bumping into walls and not being able to walk straight is still a common issue with me. Im drinking TONS of fluids, mostly apple juice. I did start on B12 a few weeks ago and I am faithful in taking them. My daughter stopped by today and she said words that i hold tight and close to my heart.... Mom, you look great (I had lost 45 lbs) and I love you very much. You can do this. Whenever I get the urge, these are the words that I will remember.

Thanks for the link Mike, it is greatly appreciated.

Hanna, sweetie, trust me, it is possible. 35 days ago, I could not imagine going ONE day without a drink. Since I have stopped drinking, my anxiety has actually subsided. Very strange considering that is why I started going on my binges in the first place. One day at a time is right ... baby steps *Hugs*.

firemarshal
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by firemarshal »

MyNameisVictor wrote:...don't be too alarmed if your hands are still slightly to moderately trembling a month or two after you stop drinking...
Apologies for hijacking the thread, but thank you Victor so much for this information. I have been going through this (I'm 10 days sober) and glad to know it won't last forever.

@Chaos, I was sick at the thought of going to the first meeting, but after going in and hearing the first round of others like us sharing, I now walk through the doors with confidence. Even when I go to new meetings for the first time, I feel no apprehension at all now. I KNOW I belong!
Hanna wrote:...I continue to drink to stop the anxiety and embarassment...
@Hannah Unfortunately, it doesn't stop it, it only dulls it temporarily while it builds ever greater. Go to a meeting. You don't have to have quit drinking to attend. I didn't quit drinking until after the first meeting. I picked a date and mentally prepared for it by reading the BB and praying to the God of my understanding. I'm ill-equipped to give advice as I'm only 10 days in, but I am SO glad I made this decision already :) I wish you the best!

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Texan
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Texan »

@Chaos - My son is one of the main driving forces for me to get and remain sober, and beyond that, get right. He saw me at my worse - passed out on the couch with a bloody gash across the bridge of my nose from falling flat on it. It's a wonder I didn't break it. The next day I went to a meeting with a whole new mindset and drive. That was 3/14/12. He told me that night that he wouldn't be able to go fishing with me in June (last week) if I kept on drinking like I was. Well, he went and WE had the time of our lives. I did it sober and will remember each and every minute of the trip for a lifetime. As for losing weight, I lost prolly 30 pounds in the first month and a half. I've prolly regained most of it back now, but that's okay. My blood pressure is normal, as are many other things that weren't when I was chugging scotch by the half gallon.

@Hanna - One day at a time, girl. One day at a time. Trying to set a goal of one month, one year or more without drink is setting one's self up for failure. Breaking it down to small time frames, one day or even one hour is best early on. Keep on keeping on and the glorious days will soon be upon you.

Best to you both, and welcome to the board. I've found it to be a wonderful opportunity to learn and take opinions from outside the local meetings I attend here at home. There is a LOT of insight here to take to heart.

Bill aka Texan
Keep on Keeping on, One Day at a Time.

TheresaR
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by TheresaR »

Welcome and congrats on 34 days! :D
Let go and Let God

StayingInTouch
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by StayingInTouch »

Hi All,

I'm new. Found my way here from the Orange Papers. They are raising a big ruckus there. It's interesting but rather confusing to me. I started AA 3 weeks ago after detoxing in a local facility for 6 days.

What are some good informative sites or sections about how to deal with cravings? I'm not interested in the HP aspect, it isn't for me. I agree with group support, but to much pressure to conform. Suggestions?

Many thanks!

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Hanna
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by Hanna »

Went to my first meeting last night. I saw some familiar faces from when I used to go 5 years ago. It was amazing, to see how calm and content they had become. I want what they have and I am willing to go to any lengths to get it! Thank you all who posted, it made me what to come back because in AA your with people who understand. Slight anxiety today but I kept praying and remembering Those familiar faces from 5 years ago. Back then they felt like I do now, One of them said he his so happy to be alive, he is living a life beyond his wildest dreams. I want that~
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

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PaigeB
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Re: Chaos is in the house

Post by PaigeB »

Welcome Staying! I replied to your other post too. In AA there is no requirement to conform. HP aspect either, but I can tell, in regards to Step 2 - I do believe that AA can restore me to sanity - AA can remove my defects, Step 7.

There is no need to believe in an HP that is interactive in our little affairs. Alcoholics Anonymous and the Steps of the program are good enough.

Please feel free to join in this Forum's AA Thought for the Day/Daily Reflections. I try and post there daily as a way to stay in touch with this program and its people. That is how I dealt with cravings. The cravings are GONE now. But this other guy and I post there daily for almost a year to the day now - he may be a believer, (maybe) but he is ultra compliant with AA's 5th Tradition which says we have but ONE primary purpose - and that is to carry the message that ALL ARE WELCOME to get and stay sober.

Welcome also to Hanna! Keep coming back!

See you around the boards I hope! Let me know if you have any questions!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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