3 weeks today!

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MadameM
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3 weeks today!

Post by MadameM »

I really need to get a BB and 12/12. Anyone know where I can get some for cheap?

I'm feeling pretty good. The cravings really do go away after awhile. I still have triggers, but just the thought of what may happen if I even jsut have one drink makes me sick to my stomach. the obsession about it is torture. So as long as I don't take that first drink I'm ok.

I'd love to find a sponsor, but that would mean going to meetings and hunting one down. I still havent found a group. The main AA group in my area are mostly DUI peeps who are forced to go. the vibe just isn't there for me, I feel uncomfortable. As a woman it seems like it is so hard to relate to all these men sometimes.

anyway, just wanted to share that I am sober and strong today!

thanks for listening!

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PaigeB
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by PaigeB »

Here is a link to the e-aa Help page for an online temp sponsor
http://www.e-aa.org/help.php
and
here is GSO's website for getting a big Book and a 12&12: http://aa.org/lang/en/catalog.cfm?category=2

I am so glad you came to tell us you are doing well ! Keep looking for an f2f home group and get into some service there!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Mike O
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Mike O »

Well done on three weeks. That's good going.
You really need to get cracking with the 12 steps - this IS the A.A. programme.
Here's a link to the BB online
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/
:)

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Tosh
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Tosh »

Big Book on line:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

And well done on the three weeks. And really, you don't have to relate to any of the men, as long as you relate to being an alcoholic, that's enough; and as time passes, you may relate more and more. I heard a posh lady share on Tuesday, (I'm a working class male), and I fully related to much of her share. She may have used different words to what I would've used and had different circumstances to mine, sure, yet I could fully relate to the progression of her drinking, the physical allergy (the craving for more booze once she started drinking), the mental obsession, how she hid her drinking, the consequences, the misery, the desperation.

And of course I related to her recovery too; the first meetings she went to, the finding a sponsor, doing service, doing the steps and helping other alkies recover. And within the past two years she's lost her business, and within the past eight months she's lost a brother and a sister to cancer; yet she's still sane, she's still peaceful, and she's still sober. I actually loved her share; she showed this stuff really works.

I wish you well on your journey.

PS. Due to the links policy, I can't post a link, but if you do a google for XA Speakers, you'll find lots of shares - some of them highly entertaining too - and plenty of them are from women.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

happycamper
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by happycamper »

Congratulations!

I know for me if I didnt have AA meetings and a sponsor to help guide me thru the steps, Id be drunk. I had to have something to replace the booze and fill that hole that it took care of it is own weird, sick way.

AA does that for me with its 12 steps and the fellowship. I need to be around ppl who are similiar to me.
Faith without works is dead

rosco9058
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by rosco9058 »

great advice tosh i love xa speaker site

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Frankie
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Frankie »

Congrats on Three Weeks MM
I just wanted to share a bit. :) I did relate to the men, I related to their "drunk a-logs". I didn't hear much from the women or I wasn't listening to them. Either way, I started to feel different than, and worse, if that's possible, because I didn't think these "ladies" drank like I did, nor did I think they got into what I'd gotten into. It was a shaky patch for me for a little bit, but then I heard it.... "Frankie, try to relate to the feelings of that powerlessness and the failures in trying to get sober alone. Listen for the hope and share yours."

Today, in a general way, I do use small parts of my drunk a-logs, for that women who may feel like I did. I've learned it is dangerous for me to feel different. "We are all just Garden Verity Drunks". :D

MadameM
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by MadameM »

yeah, well, I figured it was a matter of time until I partook (is that even a word?). I NEED TO GET TO A MEETING and find a home group and a sponsor.

The mind F*** is intense. I had two glasses of wine after obsessing about it all freaking day today. I cooked, cleaned, and entertained an entire household of guests. I did awesome! Everyone loved my presence and my food and my hospitality.

However, do you think I could just leave it at that? ME? Of course not. A close friend came over with her "contribution" to dinner. A bottle of red wine. I graciously poured all those who wanted some there glass of wine and passed it along. I have not shared with anyone of my dilemmas except my boyfriend (who has been VERY supportive). He saw my struggle.

I played the similar old tapes in my head. "I did all this work, I deserve a glass to unwind". And so I did. I had not one but TWO glasses of wine. And I may have controlled it this time, but I know myself all too well. My history dictates that if I had my way I would be having a solo party with 3 bottles of wine, and a major hangover tomorrow, and the promise of setting up the Christmas tree with my kids would be ruined.

Thankfully thats not going to happen.... I sent my friend home with her stash, she tried to let me keep it thinking she was being a good guest and leaving me a "gift". Little does she know that to me its not a gift but a possible life sentence to who knows where.

So, there ya have it. I caved. I suck. Back to the drawing board.

Thanks for listening.

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avaneesh912
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by avaneesh912 »

That is the powerless the book talks about.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your thoughts are in the right direction. Get a sponsor and start working the 12 steps and then you can benefit from the promises the program delivers.
Last edited by avaneesh912 on Fri Nov 25, 2011 7:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Tosh
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Tosh »

MadameM wrote: So, there ya have it. I caved. I suck. Back to the drawing board.
You may look back upon this experience as a learning situation. You've learnt what A.A. describes as the cunning, baffling, nature of alcohol. You've learnt you need to do something about it. You've learnt you're powerless, at certain times, to refuse that first drink. Nothing is wasted in recovery.

I think your own suggestion of find a sponsor is great. It may not feel like 'life or death', but it is; many of my family have died because of their alcoholism, and it's not pretty, so really put some effort into this
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

MadameM
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by MadameM »

I slept horribly all night. And it wasn't because I ate too much. It may sounds weird but after not having any alcohol in my system for 3 weeks it did not sit well in my tummy at all. I had horrible acid reflux all night. I never have this problem before unless if I was pregnant.

UGH. Ok, I'm looking up meeting locations and gonna go this weekend. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

Thanks!

Mike O
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Mike O »

MadameM, you need to begin working the steps. This is the programme. By all means go along to a meeting if it will get you started on the programme. However, just going to meetings will not keep you sober.

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Frankie
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Frankie »

We're here for you MM, let us know how the meetings go. :)

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Tosh
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Re: 3 weeks today!

Post by Tosh »

MadameM wrote:. I never have this problem before unless if I was pregnant.
WOW. Maybe you have an A.A. baby on the way?

Just joking!

I remember the dodgy sleeping patterns all too well. I'd hardly sleep at all one night, maybe one-or-two hours, and then the next day go to work, come back knackered, and that night I'd sleep really well, but the next night I'd hardly sleep; and this went on for a short while. After a while this will iron itself out, and you'll sleep fine.

But it's a lot better than waking up with a hangover (and a wet bed often, in my case) and wondering how I got to bed and if I'd behaved or not the previous night.

Good luck with the meeting.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

MadameM
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Re: 3 weeks today! update!

Post by MadameM »

Been to two meetings! Gonna keep going. I may not relate to everyone there, a lot of peeps there just to get their DUI papers signed. But thats ok. I got my Big Book in the mail today, too.

One day at a time. I am stuck on Step 4/5. Step 4 I'm stuck cuz I just dont' want to deal with the anxiety of listing resentments and wrongdoings. I know I have to face it and do it. I have a couple in my head floating around. Step #5 means I have to admit them to God, myself, and another person. I'd like to find a sponsor to share this with. And I have yet to really define what God is to me. I guess its the collective healing energy, the urge we all feel to get better, a desire to evolve and grow along spiritual lines. Maybe that can be my higher power.

I really want to get through this. I'm asking my HP to reveal to me a sponsor so I can get some face to face time with someone like me, preferrable a female. I was approached by a few men, but I didn't feel comfortable.

Anyway, just wanted to post my progress, I finally made it to some meetings, and plan to head to some more. I may even try the 90 meetings in 90 days! We shall see.

thanks for listening.

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