Something to Share

For recovery discussion
RustyS
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 78
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 1:58 am

Something to Share

Post by RustyS »

Hi everyone, my name is Rusty and I'm an alcoholic.

First off, I feel great. I have a group of people here who are so kind and supportive. I have a f2f group within a 5 minute drive from my home who are also kind and supportive. I feel healthier and more clear headed than I have in a very long time, and I've only been dry for 5 days.

I've been meditating on steps 1,2, and 3. Full disclosure, I don't have a sponsor yet, but who says I can't think about the steps before I get one. I'm not thinking about 4th step at all.

Anyway, the thing is, for the past several years I've hated God, the thought of God, and even people who believed in him. The way I saw it, either God doesn't exist or he hates me or he doesn't care about his creation at all. You know? He lets children die of cancer and other unjust, cruel, stuff! What a mean old jerk! (Would like to insert cuss word there, lol.)

So off I went on a mission to commit all sort of debauchery because I figured, there is no God or he hates me, so what the heck, there is nothing holding me back. Morals are meaningless. Nothing matters. We all die in the end whether we live piously or if we are whoremongering drunks!

I didn't come to my new conclusion suddenly. I checked my daughter into rehab. Started looking at my life and wondered what I did to contribute to this problem. I attended an Al-Anon meeting as recommended by the rehab facility, and also a class for the family of patients in the rehab. I then realised that I was an alcoholic. I started reading the BB. I stopped drinking. Read more. Lo and behold. God, as presented in the BB, made sense for me!

I can have a Higher Power and not worry about why children die of cancer. I don't know and I don't care "why" that happens! I've prayed more in the past 4 days than I have in the past several years. For me, there is no need to worry about all the extraneous nonsense. God is there. He listens. I have faith. I don't have to worry about anything else such as why this? why that? am I saved? have I accepted so-and-so as my personal savior? It doesn't matter. All I need is a higher power that is greater than me who can restore me to sanity and to whom I can turn over my life. It's so simple!

This is why I feel great today. Thanks.

happycamper
Forums Long Timer
Posts: 931
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 4:36 pm
Location: Michigan

Re: Something to Share

Post by happycamper »

Great attitude Rusty, keep it up!
Thanks for sharing.
Faith without works is dead

User avatar
beginningagain7
Trusted Servant
Posts: 385
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2001 2:01 am
Location: middletown, ohio

Re: Something to Share

Post by beginningagain7 »

"I can have a Higher Power and not worry about why children die of cancer. I don't know and I don't care "why" that happens!"

On Jan. 9, 2000, my son died from cancer. At that time I had two and half years of sobriety. If there could have been any chance to take that first drink that would have been it. With the help of A.A. and God of my understanding I was able to get through that situation.

It could have been easy just to say Why, God, Why. But what good would that be. What would it accomplish? The answer is easy it would take me to that first drink. Instead I accepted it. If I wanted sobriety in my life that is what I had to do. Accept it as being part of life.

Today I do not worry why children die from cancer and go through some very bad situations. But I do feel sad for them. That they have to go through these terrible situations at a early age. It doesn't do any good to worry about the "why's" in the world. The thing we need to do is give our support for them in those situations. Even if it is only saying a prayer for them.

Wouldn't it be nice instead of worrying or asking why, we just accept it for what it really is. That's Life! Accept it, do what we can do and then let go and let God take care of the rest.

Thanks for your share.

Have a good day.
Beginningagain4
John T.

Mike O
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 3253
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:55 am
Location: UK

Re: Something to Share

Post by Mike O »

Beginningagain4 wrote: ...do what we can do and then let go and let God take care of the rest.
That is the bottom line.

RustyS
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 78
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 1:58 am

Re: Something to Share

Post by RustyS »

Beginningagain4 wrote:"I can have a Higher Power and not worry about why children die of cancer. I don't know and I don't care "why" that happens!"

On Jan. 9, 2000, my son died from cancer. At that time I had two and half years of sobriety. If there could have been any chance to take that first drink that would have been it. With the help of A.A. and God of my understanding I was able to get through that situation.

It could have been easy just to say Why, God, Why. But what good would that be. What would it accomplish? The answer is easy it would take me to that first drink. Instead I accepted it. If I wanted sobriety in my life that is what I had to do. Accept it as being part of life.

Today I do not worry why children die from cancer and go through some very bad situations. But I do feel sad for them. That they have to go through these terrible situations at a early age. It doesn't do any good to worry about the "why's" in the world. The thing we need to do is give our support for them in those situations. Even if it is only saying a prayer for them.

Wouldn't it be nice instead of worrying or asking why, we just accept it for what it really is. That's Life! Accept it, do what we can do and then let go and let God take care of the rest.

Thanks for your share.

Have a good day.
Wow, John. That was powerful. Thank you.

User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Contact:

Re: Something to Share

Post by leejosepho »

RustyS wrote:... for the past several years ... The way I saw it, either God doesn't exist or he hates me or he doesn't care about his creation at all ...

For me, there is no [longer any] need to worry about all the extraneous nonsense. God is there. He listens. I have faith. I don't have to worry about anything else ...
... and thus do we choose our own new (and seemingly more accurate) conceptions/perceptions of God!

Congrats at Step Two!
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

RustyS
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 78
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 1:58 am

Re: Something to Share

Post by RustyS »

Thanks Lee. This spirtual awakening thing is very comforting.

--Rusty

MyNameisVictor
Forums Contributor
Posts: 283
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:45 pm
Location: Manhattan

Re: Something to Share

Post by MyNameisVictor »

Hi Rusty,

Nice post. Congratulations on your new sobriety. I hope everything works out for both you and your daughter. I was raised a Catholic so I very much had your attitude: "I believe God exists but I think he's a son of a b----." Like you, I came to realize that my HP did not have to be the "God of the Catholic Church's understanding." Really, the God of the Catholic church is this vengeful, bloodthirsty A-------e -who would ever want to worship a god like that? I've also heard, when it came to Step 2, people who called themselves atheists who took a "God does not exist - prove me wrong" attitude. I never coudl figure out why someone would have that attitude, because IMO it is close-mindedness to the extreme and not constructive in anyway. And if you have that attitude, of course you're going to be an atheist because there is no tangible or scientific proof of God's existence. So where does that leave you in your sobriety? I simply choose to believe that there is a God who represents the side of good, and that I'll be alright so long as I make my best effort to do the next right thing, as they say in the program, and leave the rest in God's hands. It's worked out for me so far, and it's given me a lot of grattitude.

As for children dying of cancer, I work in the ER at Mt. Sinai hospital here in NYC and see people die on a daily basis. I simply have faith now that they're going to a better place and leave it at that.

Anyway Rusty, it sounds like you're off to a good start. We'll pray for you in your sobriety, and hope you soon find a sponsor whom you're comfortable talking to and working with. I know how it feels to be able to wake up without a headache, a feeling of nausea and a feeling of panic because I didn't remember what I did the night before.

God bless,
Victor
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Contact:

Re: Something to Share

Post by leejosepho »

MyNameisVictor wrote:I was raised a Catholic so I very much had your attitude: "I believe God exists but I think he's a son of a b----."
Bill talks a bit about that kind of thing ...

"The wars which had been fought, the burnings and chicanery that religious dispute had facilitated, made me sick. I honestly doubted whether, on balance, the religions of mankind had done any good. Judging from what I had seen in Europe and since, the power of God in human affairs was negligible, the Brotherhood of Man a grim jest. If there was a Devil, he seemed the Boss Universal, and he certainly had me.
"But my friend sat before me, and he made the point-blank declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed. Doctors had pronounced him incurable. Society was about to lock him up. Like myself, he had admitted complete defeat. Then he had, in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known!
"Had this power originated in him? Obviously it had not. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute; and this was none at all.
"That floored me. It began to look as though religious people were right after all. Here was something at work in a human heart which had done the impossible." (page 11)
MyNameisVictor wrote:Like you, I came to realize that my HP did not have to be the "God of the Catholic Church's understanding." Really, the God of the Catholic church is this vengeful, bloodthirsty A-------e ...
Not true. That is just a certain mis-understanding of God some people have (and like Rusty had mentioned having also had in the past) ... and the idea here in A.A. is to do as Rusty is doing by being willing to take the Steps and give God an opportunity to reveal the actual truth about Himself.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

RustyS
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 78
Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 1:58 am

Re: Something to Share

Post by RustyS »

Thanks y'all. I'm not really sure if you guys know how much it means to me to have these conversations. I get the feeling that if you're anything like I am, you do know.
I know how it feels to be able to wake up without a headache, a feeling of nausea and a feeling of panic because I didn't remember what I did the night before.
Yeah, I know what you mean, every word. I gotta say though, that the first few days after I quit drinking I guess I was detoxing, or whatever, I felt like crap. I woke up feeling like I had a hangover just like I had drank the night before, and I had a general sick, skin crawling feeling all day. It lasted 4 days. By the fifth I felt fine.

Thanks,
Rusty

User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Contact:

Re: Something to Share

Post by leejosepho »

RustyS wrote:Thanks y'all. I'm not really sure if you guys know how much it means to me to have these conversations. I get the feeling that if you're anything like I am, you do know.
You bet, and that goes both ways ...

"Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives." (page 89)

Adding just a little to something Karl had recently said, you help make our day too!
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Mike O
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 3253
Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:55 am
Location: UK

Re: Something to Share

Post by Mike O »

leejosepho wrote:
RustyS wrote:Thanks y'all. I'm not really sure if you guys know how much it means to me to have these conversations. I get the feeling that if you're anything like I am, you do know.
You bet, and that goes both ways ...

"Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives." (page 89)

Adding just a little to something Karl had recently said, you help make our day too!
I second this.

Thanks for being here, Rusty.

Lali
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 4296
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Something to Share

Post by Lali »

Rusty, if you don't mind saying, what State do you live in? I ask because you are the only one here besides me who says "Ya'll". I currently reside in South Carolina. You can PM me if you are concerned about anonymity. :D
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

MyNameisVictor
Forums Contributor
Posts: 283
Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2011 9:45 pm
Location: Manhattan

Re: Something to Share

Post by MyNameisVictor »

leejosepho wrote:Not true. That is just a certain mis-understanding of God some people have (and like Rusty had mentioned having also had in the past) ... and the idea here in A.A. is to do as Rusty is doing by being willing to take the Steps and give God an opportunity to reveal the actual truth about Himself.
I would love to debate with you leejoe, but I just got off my 12hr rotation. I know that just knowing the medical facts isn't going to get an alcoholic to stop drinking. Tonight I had to perform an endoscopy on a young woman and ended up having to cauterize a lower GI bleed. Before that we had to give her a transfusion because her platelet count was so low due to long term alcohol abuse. Put simply, drinking burned a hole in this poor lady's stomach and her liver was damaged by drinking to the point that it was only producing a platelet count of 5000 ppl (normally, it should b between 150000 to 400000 ppl. platelets are the things in your blood that enables the body to clot wounds. They're produced by the liver.

So, this poor woman was lucky that she vomited blood and got to the hospital when she did. Another day or two and she would have bled to death internally and not have even known it. I also had to up her dosage of both loprezam and diazepam because she suffered a seizure. I ordered a brain MRI and eeg for tomorrow and the neurologist to take a look at the results.

Again, this is the stuff that isn't shown in those beer and liquor commercials.

So, if you care, here's a medical fact: the reason you often see drinking alcoholics with little finger-tip size bruises on their bodies is because their platelet count is low. We bruise all the time but, because of our platelets, our bodies can repair it almost immediately.
"They said a miracle would happen on my 90th day of sobriety, and it did happen...I was sober."
-Anonymous from the Trinity Group of AA in NYC

User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Contact:

Re: Something to Share

Post by leejosepho »

MyNameisVictor wrote:
leejosepho wrote:Not true. That is just a certain mis-understanding of God some people have (and like Rusty had mentioned having also had in the past) ... and the idea here in A.A. is to do as Rusty is doing by being willing to take the Steps and give God an opportunity to reveal the actual truth about Himself.
I would love to debate with you leejoe, but I just got off my 12hr rotation.
I had not meant to debate, and we all thank you for saving that drinker's life last night. Maybe now you will also have an opportunity to help her see how alcohol is killing her and possibly help her come up with a desire to stop!
Last edited by leejosepho on Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Post Reply