hazel4 wrote:I deleted my posting, as I have so often before, in my personal understanding of a set of unwritten rules that, at the end of the day, are only the opinions of certain members with longer sobriety than I.
It is not always easy to see what is "outside" and "inside". Especially if it is about stuff one has an opinion on (and for me, that is just about anything). The answer to where that is written, and whether or not it is an enforced opinion of some old-times, is in the traditions. I encourage you to start a thread under the "traditions" chapter of this forum, where you can ask all your questions about this openly and freely. Understanding (and perhaps even agreeing) where the borders are seems much better than to risk cultivating a grudge.
On this subject: somebody asking for guidance on how to deal with a problem relevant to her sobriety (in this case a possible conflict between being in AA and outside life) seems to me an inside topic. It has to do with how we partake in society, and with the question how to be a member of it without having to have the delusion that we need to control everything and everyone. In other words: there is a problem and we apply the steps to it. How do we practice these principles in all our affairs? How do we live sober?
The topic on what exactly is in that outside life contains would, for me, be an outside issue. I could discuss here how I best deal with a resentment I encounter in my business life, or how it is done to keep the fact that I am an alcoholic out of that business life. I should however not discuss what kind of business I do, and certainly not enter into debate whether that business is moral, legitimate, helpful to other alcoholics or whatever. Simply because even with non-controversial stuff, I am sure to get critical as well as "confirming" opinions. None of which will help anyone with applying the programme of AA.
There. As you see, this simple view alone may very well give material for refinement or debate. It kind of helps to make a mental distinction between what can and should be shared in a meeting, and what belongs around the coffee table fifteen minutes before and as long as you want after the meeting.
Please do me a favour: don't delete posts. If you must retract what you posted earlier, please just edit it to blank and perhaps state why you edited it. The forum gets very messy if we have to read discussions where elements are missing...
And is everyone happy, joyous and free? The ones I know who work the steps and apply the programme to their lives are - which is not to say they are trouble-free; just not gloomy, depressed, kill-joys, fanatic, neurotic, ... Even online, not seeing the faces of people, I could tell after a meeting or three or four who was normally happy and who was faking it or falling to pieces inside. I simply did what those first guys did, simply because they told me I could get what they wanted by doing it also. Works for me
*Edit* - I got the "At least one new post has been made to this topic. You may wish to review your post in light of this." message. Why is there a need to be so defensive? Insanity is not an insult. It is a part of our condition called alcoholism. It is something to watch out for - Ian even offered a definition to that word. No use throwing it back without exploring what it really means and why it seems to mean more derogatory things to me as a reader.
Mary, you asked the group for input on something relating your recovery. As far as I see it, the answers were relevant and hopefully helpful pertaining that. I for one am not going to give you my opinion on what exactly it is that you are trying to do. That would be an outside issue, and you probably wouldn't be interested anyway.
The only thing I would submit (and you can take that as you want) is that you also have a look at in how far your problem right now is not of your own making (second half of page 62). I don't want an answer to that; certainly not a reasoning why they are not or a debate how they might be. It is just a question everyone with issues needs to ask himself or herself, and I am only pointing out the question. Which is by the way also how I read the posts that seem to give offence.
This is not a chatbox, it is a forum. Stuff that is posted is not meant to give offence. It is meant to give food for thought. Shall we all proceed along that same line?