A tragic, cautionary, true story

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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Mary » Thu May 08, 2014 5:57 am

It just takes a very spiritually well person to be kind to a towering ego...is my feeling. Its hard not to feel warmth and kindness and love for someone who is broken.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Old Rocker » Thu May 08, 2014 7:09 am

It is true that anyone, those we agree with or not can choose to pick up a drink. People that love the traditional AA program or those using parts of AA and parts of something else.

It seems condescending to use a white chip wonder term. Like an accusation of arrogance. The whole relapse bit is BS to me. People with cancer have a relapse. We choose to drink again because we want to. They do not choose to have the cancer come back.

As far as embracing the Big Book, I feels like some take pride in deriding those that know and apply the Big Book. Fools!

Beating someone else over the head in a disrespectful way with the AA literature of any type is wrong. But I know we alcoholics can be overly sensitive. We can take a friendly bit of pointing toward an answer in the Big Book as getting thumped as they say.

Too bad when anyone chooses to drink.

Use the book, your HP, your new AA friends to make a new life worth living. I keep away from those that brandish the term Big Book Thumpers very often. It is a form of taking another's inventory by in a fashionable way.

Tread lightly.
Accepted the ABC's 01/04/95.
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby hecramsey » Thu May 08, 2014 7:31 am

The truth is when I came into AA I brought along a terrible liability--me. Without my goodies I still had the horrible personality, to which you guys smiled and tilted your head in understanding acceptance and then ran out of the room. My nick name when I was new was AxxCrack (this was before it was fashionable).
So with me came my competitiveness, I was was going to be crowned King of AA in now time. I could outshare, outservice, outhumble any of you. 90 meetings in 90 days? I'm going to do 450. Literature? Get my wheelbarrow. Help the new guy? Remember that Who concert in Ohio in the 70's? Watch out, here comes Mr AA with the AxxCrack.
Behind this was the terrified superstitious wish that if I did this all really really hard I would get all the things I wanted, and I would be HAPPY!!! (picture me with a huge forced grin pounding the table). There are so many twisted ideas in that sentence I don't know where to start.
The solution is in Step 1 and the simple 1 day at a time idea. So simple it took me 15 years to make proper use of it. I had previously been taking life 1 day at a time in order to be HAPPY!!!!! and never ever drink again. One of the symptoms of alkie is "periods of abstinence followed by relapse". By acknowledging that I am alkie, I am saying I will relapse. It is not a moral failing, not an error in my program, nothing like that. It is a symptom that I am subject to. No way around it.
Armed with this how am I going to spend my day?
1)I am going to enjoy my life, today is perfect.
2)I am going to do all I can to stay away from my next drink, cuz that life sucked.
I get one day at a time now.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Tom S » Thu May 08, 2014 11:48 am

Just my take, humbly submitted.
I have received an undeserved gift through AA- my life has been recovered.
I have been shown I can keep this gift, contingent upon maintaining fit spiritual condition.
A condition of this maintenance is practising a code of love and tolerance of others.
An element of love and tolerance is compassion, and I have pledged to help ensure that the "hand of AA is there" for the alcoholic who still suffers.
So when the relapser enters the rooms, again, I must become aware of the courage, or desperation or frustration or hope or lack of alternatives evident in their action. That person is my brother or sister. They may be disheveled, smelly and off putting. They probably make me feel uncomfortable or frustrated or judgemental or bored. But it's not about me- it's about them- what can I do to help? Many times, I am not inspired...but at the very least I pray that I can fill my heart with love for my suffering fellow human being and that another member may be sufficiently inspired to render overt help. I can help protect the safety of this sanctuary for the hopeless. I can pray for compassion to be in the air. I can practice acceptance, gratitude, and humility. I can stay spiritually sober and ask for forgiveness for my errant thoughts.
What a gift, may the doors always swing both ways with warmth for the overly sensitive, fearful, desperate, self-centred sick child of god entering into our care- who will become tomorrow's miracle.
Grateful for the gift
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby kenyal » Fri May 09, 2014 7:40 am

To me, the most important part of the man's story is not how he postured or what he did when he was sober. Those are only minor variables in this too-common story among our crowd. A member comes in, does some stuff to get along well for a while and then drinks and unpleasantness ensues.

Some familiar aspects of alcoholism come into play fairly immediately that most often lock the individual on a doomed course. Ego, hypersensitivity and fears block the individual from getting help (I was really someone once in AA...people who are unaware they are my inferiors may talk down to me and that would hurt a lot...it's going to be hard to look good for a long time...no one will be amazed at my BB insights anymore) as they do for any alcoholic considering doing something about what's killing them. That a few overcome that and act to their benefit is a major event. I don't believe the drunk that had time is in a different position from the one that is fresh to AA. The lines and excuses they supply themselves for continuing to stay sick differ but do not differ in ultimate effect.

It's exceptional when any alcoholic overcomes alcoholism's many and varied redirects toward continued drinking.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Mary » Sat May 10, 2014 11:20 pm

Kenyal, i agree mostly but at the same time how the guy postured - that's the killer EGO. Posturing is a big deal. Am i really the only one who cant stand big posturers? What's the difference between posturing and ego? I guess to speak plainly...i dont agree.

I sometimes laugh out loud when people introduce themselves by way of saying they are humble. I would not laugh out loud in a meeting. That would be rude.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Lali » Sun May 11, 2014 10:12 am

Mary wrote:Kenyal, i agree mostly but at the same time how the guy postured - that's the killer EGO. Posturing is a big deal. Am i really the only one who cant stand big posturers? What's the difference between posturing and ego? I guess to speak plainly...i dont agree.

I sometimes laugh out loud when people introduce themselves by way of saying they are humble. I would not laugh out loud in a meeting. That would be rude.


IMO, this is one of those types of situations where patience and tolerance come into play (some compassion as well!). Someone else's posturing and ego problems should not affect us much. It's not our business, is it? Unless they ask for help, of course...
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Hanna » Sun May 11, 2014 10:15 am

"There, but for the Grace of God, go I" That is what I think each time I see someone come back. I treat them as I would want to be treated, with kindness. What's done is done, the past can't be changed so we must move on and try again, there is no shame in failing, it's in not getting back up. One day at a time we can begin again.
God Bless the fellowship of AA~
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Jaywalker Steve » Sun May 11, 2014 2:42 pm

Layla wrote:...the times I spoke with him, he derided me for the times I drank again.


I am sorry for his passing and the pain felt by those he left behind...including you. I hope we all remember that derision is not one of our principles.
Every group has men and women who put too much thought and effort into their daily sobriety and not enough of themselves into their daily living. - Ed B., Akron, OH
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Brock » Sun May 11, 2014 5:24 pm

Mary wrote: I would not laugh out loud in a meeting. That would be rude.



I know that the topic is about a sad story, but a lot has also been said about people who posture, and try to tell everyone else how things should be done. Unlike Mary I love laughing out loud at meetings, where I live it is a feature of our meetings which often attracts newcomers, they marvel at how happy we are. It may also be the best thing to put ego driven people in their place, just laugh at them. From the 12 & 12 p.173.

Who is more unpopular than the oldtime A.A., full of wisdom, who moves to another area and tries to tell the group there how to run its business? He and all like him who “view with alarm for the good of A.A." meet the most stubborn resistance or, worse still, laughter.


Brock.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Jessica » Wed May 14, 2014 11:33 am

Thanks for posting this. The last few weeks have been pretty stressful for me. definitely feeling the need for an escape. At 6.5 months sober thoughts of having a drink are starting to come to mind more and more. More than a few times i've thought about "just one" and then i thought that would never work for me and i couldn't return to AA, would be too embarrassed to tell my sponsor and actually say I relapsed. I would never come back from that I think. So that stays my hand to think the next thing i need to do in my program. it feels more rough now than it did in the beginning since im working on step 4 that makes sense somewhat. In any case i just wanted to thank you for sharing this story. it helps me.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby hecramsey » Wed May 14, 2014 12:13 pm

Brock wrote:
Who is more unpopular than the oldtime A.A., full of wisdom, who moves to another area and tries to tell the group there how to run its business? He and all like him who “view with alarm for the good of A.A." meet the most stubborn resistance or, worse still, laughter.
Brock.
It's the rose tinted glasses of age, also known as euphoric recall. We tend to remember the good stuff, so our past starts to look better and better as time goes on. Hence the common pining for the "the good old days", when things were probably more less the same, but I was stoked with the exuberance of youth and clueless. Cluelesser. Human nature, can't avoid it.
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby ann2 » Wed May 14, 2014 10:06 pm

Jessica, great to read you, thanks for posting. I just wanted to let you know I along with many are here for you -- if you're embarrassed to share with your sponsor, choose one of us :) You are not alone!

Hugs,

Ann
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Mary » Thu May 15, 2014 2:57 am

Lali said:
Someone else's posturing and ego problems should not affect us much. It's not our business, is it?

I love that...thank you so much for making me laugh out loud :D

xx
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Re: A tragic, cautionary, true story

Postby Doddering Moron » Tue Mar 28, 2017 3:44 am

Page 31 'We do not like to label anyone an alcoholic.' Then why the chips? The sobriety date? The membership? "There are no dues or fees'. Then why the 7th tradition at the newly hungover street junkies?
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