I don't know what to do!

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I don't know what to do!

Postby LucasM » Wed Jul 04, 2007 6:18 pm

I've tried everything I can think of to quit. I've been to meetings and had a sponser and tried to do the steps. I've been to rehab and counseling and jail and it doesn't work. I've lived in areas where it's many miles from getting beer and I have no car but I just walk there anyway. It's got to the point where I have no friends and people don't visit me much. Many of my teeth have rotted out, my liver's trashed, my stomach's trashed, I have diabetes, and the doctor says I'll never see 30 if I keep doing this. I've lost everything time and time again but I can't get it to sink in I can't hit rock bottom. I don't want rock bottom to be death but I can't quit. It's so stupid and I don't know what to do next! :(
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Postby stef » Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:15 pm

Just a thought--what about trying treatment again? I have friends that had to do it more than once (and for the whole 28-30 days) but it finally stuck. Maybe that's an option. It sounds as if you're really wanting to kick this but just need some extra support. Hang in there! Meetings are definitely a good thing, especially if you can go every day at the beginning. I'll be thinking of you.
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Postby Bill F » Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:57 am

My sponsor likes to say - it was never the drinking, it is the thinking.

There is hope - when I finally surrendered to my HP by admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable. Which means to me that I cannot do this on my own and I cannot hold out any hope that I ever will be able to drink successfully.

I had to replace my drinking with AA - which meant getting involved, working the steps, and going to a lot of meetings.

Find a sponsor who has a lot of sobriety and will help you work the steps. And then really do it! The promises do come true, IF we work fro them.

Love and Peace,
Bill
Knowing you don't know is wholeness
Thinking you know is a disease.
Only by recognizing that you have an illness
can you move to seek a cure. - Lao-Tzu
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Postby keithd » Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:49 am

Someone told me to think through the drink not to it. A few months sober i pulled into the gas station to fill up and started to think about the beer cooler in side. It was a payday friday and this was the station i always went to to buy my beer. At frist i thought about getting just a beer and then it was "well i might as well get a tall one" before i was done pumping i thought if your going to get a tall one then just get a 12 pack because you know your going to have to come back anyway. S*** just get the 12 and 2 six packs take one six in the house and hide the rest. Before it was done i thought of the fights,cops.hangovers and jail i said to myslef i might as well go to a meeting and pass all this other crazy S***. Call someone before i pick up, breack it up from one day down to one minute without a drink. And i read the Doctors opinon bottom of page xxviii over and over. It sucks to be drunk and alone but you don't have to be. AA has worked for a lot of others why not you?
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Postby jevonne » Wed Jul 11, 2007 7:18 am

I've learned that when I isolate myself from others the boredom and the feeling of being alone encourages me to drink. It is important to surround yourself around others and form a support chain. Your not alone and there are truly caring individuals out there to help and to lean on. Good luck.....

Debra
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Postby LucasM » Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:07 pm

I've been to rehab twice and they told me I can't ever come back. I've thought about going to a place like that but I know I'd lose everything to go there. When I got out I'd have no money and no place to live so I don't know if it's worth it. The reason I don't like AA is because of the Higher Power thing. I think it's more healthy to think of yourself as the highest power and basically God of your world. I've managed to not drink alcohol most of the days since this post. I drank about 2 days. I still feel in bad shape though. :?
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Postby stef » Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:27 pm

I had a hard time with the Higher Power thing too. I didn't even like to read the Big Book because of all of the references to Higher Power and God. However, I eventually found a higher power that works for me. That's all I needed to do. A friend of mine (who's also in recovery) always says "find a higher power as long as it's not human and not YOU". I believe that. As alcoholics I think we always think we know it all, but we don't. We're sick! There's options out there for all of us. There are many places to go for treatment and after treatment. And many ways to get sober. I wish you the best.
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Postby Holly96 » Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:40 am

Lucas....go to meeting ............or three, and tell them "I have a problem with the Higher Power thing in AA. ". I promise you.......plenty of people have had that problem.

there are people in the program that dont believe in God....and stay sober!!!

If you keep using that as an excuse....you will never get past it. Have you tried different meetings.......working steps with a sponsor.......

This program does work.....please really give it a try.
don't leave before the miracle...you will be amazed.

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Postby Bill F » Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:57 am

I think it's more healthy to think of yourself as the highest power and basically God of your world


I have to ask - so how has this worked for you?

It wasn't until I took step one 'I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable', that I was able to surrender to the idea that I was not going to get sober and stay sober with out the support of others. And that means that even if you have to make AA your HP, at least you are acknowledging that you cannot do it on your own.

Don't worry about the rest of it. Today it is just about doing what you have to do to stay sober. And step one is realizing that I have a disease that is defined by an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. The first ensures I will drink again without help and the second ensures that I can't stop.

Love and Peace,
Bill
Knowing you don't know is wholeness
Thinking you know is a disease.
Only by recognizing that you have an illness
can you move to seek a cure. - Lao-Tzu
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Postby LucasM » Fri Jul 13, 2007 4:21 pm

You people make a lot of sense. I've tried for years to do it on my own and this last time I realized that I'm a mess. I can make it 4 or 5 days tops and then I go right back to drinking. I need to get help or I'll be doing the same exact thing 20 years from now and I'll be wasting my life. :evil:
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Postby Holly96 » Fri Jul 13, 2007 6:15 pm

dont get focused on what ISNT working. I found that my way....was not working. Thats when I really knew....I was powerles. It sounds like you were trying to do it your way....and then when it did not work....you said "see!!"....

Please try ....really try...be willing to go to any lengths.......

hell, my Higher Power was a tree for the longest time.....I didnt believe in anything.......
don't leave before the miracle...you will be amazed.

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Postby jevonne » Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:42 am

LM - One thing I have noticed throughout your entire chain of emails is your mind set. You must change the way you view yourself. You are NOT a bad person, you are NOT a weak person and you are NOT alone! My first step to recovery was to realize I am special. To realize the problem I have is an actual diease. Put it into context, if a person has diabetes, they have to have insulin to control it. We as alcoholics need help to control our diease of alcohol ADDICTION. Through support and talking to others, we peel back the layers of reasons that has drove us to drinking helping us to realize what the true triggers are that encourage us to drink. It's not an over night remedy. AA can and will help you if you are serious about stopping. Go to some meetings, sit back and observe, don't overwhelm yourself with all the steps and the HP at first. Just keep an open mind.... :wink:

Debra
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Postby LucasM » Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:43 pm

Thanks for your replies. I've decided I need to go to rehab. I have to go to 2 interviews and I'm sure they'll accept me. Then I have to wait for a bed to be open and I'll be in rehab for 3 months. It's not really a hard decision to make. I definately need to get away from drinking. I feel like I'm dieing all the time and who in their right mind wants to feel like that all the time.
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Postby stef » Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:57 pm

Good luck! I can tell you really want to get a hold of this. Maybe the next three months will be just what you need. Hope to hear from you soon!
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Postby Jim 725 » Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:09 am

I've been to meetings and had a sponser and tried to do the steps.

I'm puzzled by the "tried to do the steps" part. Did you use the Big Book as a guide, or someone else's version of them? We have a very simple (not easy) program of recovery which we insist on complicating with a lot of trendy psychobabble.
The fact that you look to AA for help tells me that you have admitted you are powerless over alcohol.
That same action of coming to AA tells me that you know you can't do it yourself, and believe that AA can help you. That sound like Step Two to me. (The Step says we came to believe THAT a Power..., not IN a Power..,
If you believe AA can help you, why not let us, and do what our Big Book says to do, without a big discussion on why you should? Get on with your housecleaning with a Fourth Step.
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