Me, an alcoholic and drug addict!!!

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Me, an alcoholic and drug addict!!!

Postby jbbonzo72 » Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:57 pm

Im new here but not new to the program.. I havent been around these circles for a while now, but i am searching for a better life now. I am 34 years old and have been an active drinker/drug user for over 10 years. My life socially and professionally has been affected greatly, although by luck ive never had legal problems and always managed to work full time.

But still i am depressed a lot and have anxiety issues, and overwhelming fear that is irrational and frightening too!!!!! I feel like i am going to die, did something inexpicable, or something major is gonna happen to me. It makes no sense i keep telling myself. Am i insane?? Ive also had near brushes with death mixixng alcohol and cocaine together. Spent a few nights in the ER with chest pains, and high body temperatures. No fun!!

Did i listen to the doctors? Hell no!! Kept on keeping on. But now i have stomach and intestine problems cause of the amount of alcohol i consumed for so long that i need to quit for myself this time and my quality of life. Sometimes i feel like im 60 but i am only 34. I go to work with rings around my eyes and my sleep cycles are messed up too. I shake half the day and then my acid reflux kicks in around 1 pm. Not a good way to live.

So here i am talking about my life to everybody. But its OK cause i am being honest about where im at. Maybe what i said can help someone remember his/her hells too. I am planting a seed for myself cause i think about quitting all the time. I know i know... Just for today!!! Easy program right?? Well hopefully i can meet some peopelare get back in the game again living a day at a time without substances.. Take care everyone.. Jeff
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Postby LindaC » Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:38 pm

Hi, Jeff! I'm glad you came here today! Are you going to be able to get to a face-to-face meeting this weekend?
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Re: Me, an alcoholic and drug addict!!!

Postby Blue Moon » Sat Apr 14, 2007 7:29 pm

jbbonzo72 wrote:Easy program right??


Hi Jeff,

It's really not an easy program. It's a simple program, and after a while it can be easy to do, but in those early days it seems an almost impossible program. Early on, I had a real problem with the difference between "easy" and "simple" - to my thinking, "easy" and "simple" should be the same thing.

So why was a "simple" program so tough for me to do? Because this "simple" program challenged my old thinking. The psychic change is not easy, but it's certainly worthwhile.

I reckon if it was that easy, people would be doing this instead of hanging out in bars trying to find that second wind :)
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Thanks.

Postby jbbonzo72 » Sun Apr 15, 2007 5:59 pm

thanks for the replies guys. I havent been able to hit a meeting cause my car broke down but next week i plan to go. Its not an easy program. Especially for people that drank their whole life. Ill be honest i drink to feel normal the same way that a junkie uses to not get sick. Im barely functioning at times living at the animal level and barely making it through a day at work. I am tired of this living. I am gonna make new changes. Im sober a day and a half now. Thanks again
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Postby Holly96 » Mon Apr 16, 2007 7:07 am

hi JB

glad your here. Glad your getting to a meeting soon as well . You will find others there who have realized a lot of the same things you are beginning to realize.
No, this program is not easy. It requires much of us....however the rewards are great.

I can relate to your story. I started drinking when I was 8 yrs old, and stopped when I was 34. I used alcohol to numb, and cope with everything. I now have other coping skills, and a life more wonderul than I could imagine. Learning them was not easy, but I knew I needed to.....or I would die.

hang in there, and walk through that door of the meeting....do the steps, and keep coming back. :-)

if your serious....you CAN do it!
don't leave before the miracle...you will be amazed.

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Postby Greg G » Fri Apr 27, 2007 11:03 am

jb,

You said you're not new to the program, but not if you've actually worked it (those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program...).
"Our book is meant to be suggestive only." So we suggest that you...FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!!!
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