FEELINGS OF REMORSE AND GUILT

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FEELINGS OF REMORSE AND GUILT

Postby CATHY B » Sun Feb 25, 2007 1:20 pm

Hi all i am Cathy an alcoholic. For me recovery has not been easy .always
have these feelings of remorse and guilt, that i have wasted all my time
drinking, missed opportunities,that recovering now may be a waste of time.I am 51 years old.Does or did any body feel like this?
I here about people enjoying sobriety.But what do you do when feelings of remorse creep in?

Thanks for hearing me out


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Postby Blue Moon » Sun Feb 25, 2007 2:34 pm

Recovery wasn't easy, and I know from explerience that feeling miserable in the middle of an AA meeting of people laughing and having a good time just makes it worse.

I don't subscribe to the "my best day drunk is worse than my worst day sober". I had some good days before (before alcohol really kicked me into a state of reasonableness), and had some real lousy days since I quit.

With feelings of remorse, it's self-centred thinking. Instead, it's useful to work the program, talk with someone, get other-centred.
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Postby Jimbo_D » Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:03 am

I have had loads of guilt....sober guilt, I can deal with. I change. I make amends. I try to clear the wreckage that I have caused. I become productive.

Guilt while drinking only breeds more guilt.

To me guilt is just another form of self asorbtion. Just another way for me to be overly concerned with myself. And very destructive thinking. I have never be able to think my way out of this disease. The reason being is my thinking is the problem. It's like trying to fight fire with fire. I cannot think myself into better acting, but I can act myself into better thinking.

So what do I do when remorse and guilt overwhelm me. first I go to a face2face meeting, or call my sponsor. Then usually I get the advice to do some service work, and start looking for ways I can be of service to others. This usually does the trick. I find during these times that I am better off than a lot of people, have loads to be grateful for. I also forget about myself.

Your Okay....as long as you do not drink. I can say form experience the best way to relieve to guilt for this Alkie. Is to not drink, go to meetings, clean house, and help others.....and pray!
We are all dead, safe, and in heaven-
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Postby Hullabaloo » Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:42 pm

Hi Cathy.

Without-a-doubt, I was so filled with guilt and remorse that I couldn't see straight! And then I found this program. Even in sober-life we all have our days where we get stuck on the people we hurt or our poor decisions and their negative impact on others.

I think it's human nature to think back and remember the good times as better than they actually were and make the bad times even worse. But what good does it really do anyone? Does my ex feel better knowing I'm terribly sorry that I had an affair? No. Does my ex-employer care that I'm remorseful about taking advantage of my position? Not at all. It only spins me out, and then I have to work to realize that I'm not that important. Life really isn't about me.

I have a thinking problem. Because of this, I'm an alcoholic. What I do about it, like others have said, is to let go of "me". What can I do elsewhere? How can I show interest in my fellows and learn from them? Blow up my ego.

I try my hardest to look to others that have a lot more sobriety than I do and get myself "right sized". We ain't perfect, but in my opinion, the impoirtant part of this program is to be a little better today than I was yesterday. We don't necessarily have to be guilt-ridden to accomplish that.

Thanks for letting me share.

Deck
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Postby whitmore_fan » Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:52 am

Hi Cathy, I too have had feelings of guilt and remorse but that is inevitable I feel. It's part of the recovery process but, it it helps, I like to think that all those things that happened to me when I was drinking (good and bad) needed to happen for me to be where I am today. It's as simple as that for me. Yes I could look at all the wasted years but I am happy in my own skin today and perhaps all those things needed to happen to lead me to that position. So I accept that and look forward.

Ian
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Postby Jimbo_D » Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:34 am

Cathy....How are you doing? feeling any better? Any worse? hit any meetings?
We are all dead, safe, and in heaven-
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Guilt/Overactive Minds

Postby molineangie » Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:41 am

Cathy, and others,
I don't let myself feel any guilt because it is a "wasted" emotion, like jealousy or fear. Being an alcoholic means addiction to something, and I think the same mental trap for alcohol can be taken over by guilt or self-pity. We can't let our minds dwell there, as we are just addicting ourselves to feeling bad. Another thing to remember is that Alcoholism is a primary disease and there are chemical reasons our judgement and actions changed. What is important is how we are from this day forward.
One thing that keeps calling me to drink is the fact that my mind is so busy. Drinking caused me to loose my footing in life and now I can't drive, and have no money left, so that really makes me want to run and hide, but I remind myself that all the little things I have to get done are do-able if I don't stress out, and they will done faster and with more RESPECT to myself and others if I do them without drinking.
Feeling more peaceful,
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Postby bikebuilderus » Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:54 am

I'd like to thank everyone who has posted on this topic. I am struggling with this also at this time. I just got off the phone with my sponsor and have been talking to others about this too. I am going to my meetings. I am on my knee's and asking for help constantly. I have begun writing and belong to a BB step study. It does me good to express my feelings and look for ways to help myself. I have recently relapsed and have been paying a price for it. It was 3 yrs sobriety and I feel from a ladder and fractured my skull and back. bleeding on the brain and brain injury. I took my pain medication and eventually didn't take it as prescribed. So I changed my sobriety date. I hsve stuggled in AA for years and thought I really had it this time. I am stuggling now and trying to keep the faith that all will get better. thanks again JD
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Postby CATHY B » Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:38 am

Thank you all for your replies .I have also discovered that prayer works.I
was a very religious person when I was young.Daily meditation.I start each day with total surrender.HP I HAND MY LIFE OVER TO YOU TODAY.
My biggest problem now is living in the MOMENT, THE PAST KEEPS UP PROPPING IN.
Thank you all and have another sober 24 hrs.

Catherine
I am a spiritual being having a human experience
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Postby luc » Thu Mar 08, 2007 10:10 am

My name is LuC and I'm an alcoholic. Cathy, I try to use the remorse and guilt to propel me into positive actions. Forgive myself for mistakes and move on with a lesson learned and a desire to never go back there. We have to have the thorns to appreciate the beauty of the roses. Don't beat yourself up over past mistakes and time wasted...doing so will only waste more precious time. Hang in there. LuC
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Guilt & Remorse

Postby AlohaJune » Fri Mar 09, 2007 7:23 pm

It took me a long time to rid myself of guilt and remorse, but once I had,
what a Relief!!! Negative talk is wasted talk, IMHO, and does my spirit absolutely no good.

There are few of us in the rooms of recovery that have been so "bad" that we need to stew in the pot of guilt & remorse. And even those of us who have been very very naughty......forgiveness is there from our Higher Powers, and self-forgiveness is there also.

What I do today, and how I act and speak today are the amends I make to my family, myself and society. I'm in pretty good standing on a daily basis.

Prayer is an answer, so hang in there.
Aloha, June
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Postby tasp » Sun Mar 25, 2007 5:29 pm

I h
Last edited by tasp on Sat Sep 08, 2007 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby magenta_07 » Wed Apr 04, 2007 6:00 pm

Cathy, prayer works for sure. Just keep on sailing and leave all your guilt right where you dropped your liquor bottles.

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Postby alana27 » Tue Apr 24, 2007 1:15 am

I have to get my feelings out. Usually the best way of doing it is by writing, writing, writing. I never think it will help and it always does. I start with "I feel" and I don't censor myself in any way. What I am finding when i am willing to do this is that the feelings are finite. They seem endless only because we are stuffing them down so far. When I start letting them out little by little I see that they really are not so large, and they have an end. I clear them out by writing and by stepwork (4th, 5th, 8th, 9th, and 10th) so they don't overwhelm me. Feelings can lead us right back out the door unless we deal with them, but sometimes I don't even know for sure what it is I am feeling until I start writing or talking about it.
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Postby jevonne » Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:15 am

Hi Cathi,

I certainly understand how you feel regarding guilt and feelings of remorse. All's we can do is move one day at a time. It's hard especially when we re-visit the past and realize all the pain we have caused our loved ones and as you mentioned lost opportunities. Try to stay focus on the good. It's hard. Trust me, you have alot of good to offer, no time better than the present. Keep up the AA classes and keep :lol:

Debra
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