hello my name steven-1st timer to this sight

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hello my name steven-1st timer to this sight

Postby steven » Sat Jan 27, 2007 7:29 pm

i have 3yr. and 7 mos. sober and clean. i attend meetings 3-4 times a month. i am afraid of making new friends, i believe that is why i dont attend more meetings. never had problems making friends bfore,i dont understand.????????????????
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Postby Holly96 » Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:00 pm

Hi Steven, welcome!!

My name is Holly, and I am an alcoholic. Conrats on your time clean and sober!

I was pretty scared when I got sober. The steps really helped me learn how to deal with people.....with nothing numbing me. That was so scary....i had to learn how to do EVERYthing again.....
talk to people
have relationships,
talk on the phone
work....
and yes...meet people. I was sure everyone was going to laugh at me...or worse yet, think I was stupid or not like me. Again, time , and working with other alcoholics on the steps really helped. Are you working the steps??

Glad your here!
don't leave before the miracle...you will be amazed.

Holly
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Postby WIL M. » Sun Jan 28, 2007 11:56 pm

8) WELCOME STEVEN ! Wil, alcoholic : For me, alcohol was (at least for a time) the "social lubericant" that allowed me to get out of my shell and meet new people. The people I did make aquaintance with were 'fellow users and abusers,people I could relate to, (after a few drinks). I was never hip, slick, and smooth enough to fit in without -inducements- and thought that was just the way it was. Thought that everybody was like that. Since I have been sober and had to look at me, I see that was just a shield aganist rejection, and that real people are far more accepting and open than I ever gave them credit for. Just because you meet people does not mean that you are going to become- friends- but, if you do not open up and at least meet people, life can be very lonely. Lonely is not what an alcoholic/addict needs (at least not this one). I could isolate well with just my bottle, TV, and me, but, I do not believe that that is the way to recovery and a full life being a member of society, not just a bystander.
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Postby Hullabaloo » Tue Feb 06, 2007 5:58 pm

Thanks for sharing Steven.
Personally, I'm an extrovert. However, the "soial lubricant" that Wil references was SO true for me. I felt like I needed a few to loosen up enough to go out to dinner or a party. I thought it would make me smarter and more interesting. It was a vicious cycle. If I could have stopped there, that would have been great. But obviously, I couldn't, hence the alcoholic! Now that I'm sober, I too feared meeting new people. I do go to a lot of meetings but I have to make myself join in conversations before and after the meetings. I want to make friends of these fellows, it's just hard sometimes. But I find the more I go, the more we share about life and what-not, We already have a TOn in common due to our alergy, the easier it becomes. I was searching for something by sitting at the end of the bar, what truly surprised me was that I found what I was looking for in these meetings. I encourage you to address those fears. I have confidence in you that before long, new aquaintences will become great friends. (As an aside: has anyone ever listened to the lyrics to the "Cheers" theme? Thanks for letting me share.
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Re: hello my name steven-1st timer to this sight

Postby whitmore_fan » Fri Feb 09, 2007 1:19 am

steven wrote:i have 3yr. and 7 mos. sober and clean. i attend meetings 3-4 times a month. i am afraid of making new friends, i believe that is why i dont attend more meetings. never had problems making friends bfore,i dont understand.????????????????


Hi Steven, "making new friends at meetings is only a small part of what the meetings are about. Personally I don't really care whether I make friends or not, that is not my primary intention when attending. I am there to recover and help other recover.

Try to forget about making friends and concentrate on yourself. You will be surprised at the unconscious relationships that build over time.

Ian
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Postby jennybee » Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:21 pm

steve..i understand you have 3 years...congrats.
i dont think three or four times a month is really enough to make new friends.....are you doing any fellowship?

jb :idea:
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