Jumping Right In

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Jumping Right In

Postby justcoffee » Mon Jan 01, 2007 5:32 pm

Heres the deal. Im a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Ive been sober for getting pretty close to 4 yrs now.
I just quit one day. Well not exactly like that, it was a culmination of wanting to quit for the 5 previous yrs but not actually doing it. I was sick and I knew it but I couldnt let go. I made a move across country making the claim it would be my fresh start. And it was for a few months, then I started drinking again for a yr or so.
Then one day I just stopped cold. I did it on my own because I felt like Id dedicated enough of my life already to the bottle. I was going to cut out the middle man so to speak.
In my mind it seemed the bottom line was either I drank...or I didnt. Thats true enough right ?
Heres my question though, why I came here. What did I miss ? I know I missed something by going it alone. Tools, or some beneficial guidance, methods of dealing with the world and life in general, something. Im not sure what though.
Its been kind of a nagging thing with me and si Ive decided to throw it out there and see what people have to say.
Thanks.
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Postby Layne » Tue Jan 02, 2007 7:14 am

What did I miss ?

Who can say? We all have our own unique perspectives and experiences, so it is impossible to answer. If you go check out meetings, then you would be better equiped to answer the question than anyone else ever could. Congrats on the 3+ years of sobriety, that is awesome. Layne
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Postby Paul N » Tue Jan 02, 2007 8:22 am

Can't tell you what you may have missed to this point either. All I do know is that I wouldn't have stayed sober this long without AA.

I'd suggest reading the book titled Alcoholics Anonymous. There are many ways to get your hands on one. A good web search engine will give you many links to an electronic version.

For me, the best place was buying a hard copy at an AA meeting. For about an $8.00 investment, I found suggestions to a the type of life that I only use to dream about ... today it's a reality.
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Re: Jumping Right In

Postby Blue Moon » Wed Jan 03, 2007 2:16 pm

justcoffee wrote:Heres my question though, why I came here. What did I miss ? I know I missed something by going it alone. Tools, or some beneficial guidance, methods of dealing with the world and life in general, something. Im not sure what though.
Its been kind of a nagging thing with me and si Ive decided to throw it out there and see what people have to say.
Thanks.


You "feel" you missed out on something? Maybe you did. There's more to recovery than simply existing without alcohol, recovery offers a more meaningful existence than I felt I had before I ever drank.
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Postby justcoffee » Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:51 pm

Thanks for the replies.

You "feel" you missed out on something? Maybe you did. There's more to recovery than simply existing without alcohol, recovery offers a more meaningful existence than I felt I had before I ever drank.

This is what Im after. I expected more. I want more. Ive done a lot of soul searching and I understand my life. To say Im content with it would be a lie. I get what happened along the way. I know what the issues were/are. Stopping the abuse opened up some doors and thankfully closed others. I know who I want to be, and Ive made strides, but Im stalled. Im lost to be honest. I dont know how to get where I need to be. Im sorry if this is vague, its been a long day.
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Postby Blue Moon » Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:48 am

I'd suggest a read of chapter 11 in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous".

Us alcoholics tend to be loners, we tend to isolate. I know I do. But that can become a lonely existence. "Isn't there more to life than this?" We can only whistle in the dark to keep up flagging spirits for so long, sooner or later the tune gets monotonous. I can get fed up with my own company.

I often didn't want to get to AA meetings, do service etc. etc. Still don't, at times. I take enjoyment from staying home alone, "chilling out". But when a good job is done, even something as simple as putting out a literature rack, a certain inner satisfaction comes that I don't get from any TV program. And working with newcomers is a real bonus, I get to avoid my issues by sharing my sober experiences with someone who wants to hear them and learn. Curiously, as a result, my issues then tend to take on their "right size" and cease to appear so enormously impossible to resolve.

The downside is that too many newcomers are in AA for the wrong reasons, so don't want to even quit drinking. But nothing's perfect.
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Postby Wayne C. » Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:35 am

Justcoffee,

At some meetings, if you can not afford a big book, you can obtain one for free or as I did pay for it when you can.
Wayne

"Half measures availed us nothing"
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what u might be missing

Postby mstone449 » Thu Jan 04, 2007 8:38 pm

the people that i know that are alchoholics suffer from problems other than alchohol. alchohol is the symptom and the problem is shame, remorse, sexual molestation, bad things they have done to others etc. So to simply take away the alchohol and treat the reasons why they drank would be useless. Although there are lots of these kinds of people in AA unfortunately....these r the ones that regurgitate AA slogans and wouldnt know a step if they tripped over one. The bottom line is that there is a big difference between physical sobriety and emotional sobriety. The mere fact that u think u may have missed something suggest that you undestand this at your core.
Rarely have we seen a person who has thoroughly followed our path
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I Missed something

Postby Tomki » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:56 pm

I seached the external world for the root of my problem and found none - was it because I was sexually abused - my father dying and leaving us in poverty - was it because I didn't fit - was it because because because because hell no

29 stories later and a whole lot of experience later showed me the common denominator - be it rich man poor man begger man thief male female straight gay capitalist or communist - black white or chinese even met a few aliens - vampires and ghosts and dogs - all had one thing in common they couldn't control the mental obsession that took them back to the drink - couldn't control the physical allergy once they had taken the first drink and they were all suffering from the bedevilments

I work with every kind of personal tragedy that could befall a human being every day and guess what, the vast majority are not alcoholics, hell I even recommend they take a bottle to stop them going mad but they say strange things like 'that doen't solve your problems Tom it makes them worst' I DIDN'T KNOW THAT externals don't matter because for every person with my kind of external issues there are another twenty outside AA, none alcoholics with the same issues - That is what the BB is trying to get across in the first 42 pages Alcoholism is a disease an internal condition

As to what I am missing - My mate tells a story that I like and also applies to me -

He asked his sponsor for the secret of the enlightenment in the programme as he had been searching for it in all kinds of members, meetings, books and churches after a year of repeatedly searching and asking and not feeling enlightened he returned to his sponsor again - the sponsor said have you found your enlightenment yet -

my mate replied O' I gave up on that rubbish months ago I went out, found a drunk and helped him get the programme - The sponsor said you are now enlightened!

My Mates Life is now complete as is mine! the promises can't reach those people who have can't won't or not ready in there vocabulary it only happens for those who have (ABC) probably could & would as there guides 8)
Tolerance is the no mans land that lies between Resentment and Acceptance!
Best Regards Tom Kirtley
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Postby fishguy417 » Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:43 am

Heck, I drank because I felt that there was something missing. Discontentment (read the Doctor's Opinion" in the BB) was one main way that my disease manifested itself. Drinking brought a "sense" of contentment, although be it temporary and illusional. You see, alcohol is treatment for alcoholism, at least it was for mine. My problem was that my treatment regiment had drastic side effects!

So, I had to find another treatment for my alcoholism. I had to if I was to live happy, joyous, and free without alcohol. That's wher the steps came in. THey did for me what the alcohol seemed to do for me. And the side effects are much more appreciated and permanent!
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Postby Tomki » Wed Jan 24, 2007 4:25 pm

Hi Fish Guy I wish I'd said that - Cool
Tolerance is the no mans land that lies between Resentment and Acceptance!
Best Regards Tom Kirtley
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Postby Walker318 » Thu Jan 25, 2007 7:23 am

justcoffee,
I can not say what you missed but I can tell you what I missed by doing it by myself. Peace of mind.
I was sober for about 6 month before going to an AA meeting. My life had not really changed. (other then saving money and not worring about a DUI :oops: ). Emotionally though I did not feel better. Even the first month or so at AA did not do anything for me.
Then I started the steps. The first 2 were easy, 3rd was a little difficult (imagine an alky not want to give up control :lol:) but the 4th step really made a difference. When I completed it I felt a weight was off my shoulders. I felt better about myself and the people around me. That is what I missed by going it alone.
Will it be the same for you, I do not know. Only time will tell.

God speed my friend.
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Postby Yvon P. » Sun Jan 28, 2007 6:27 pm

"Jumping Right In" Hmmm? Interesting to note that in Chapter 6 - Into Action, we find the word "Newcomers". This Chapter begins a description of Step 5 and already, we are talking about newcomers.

Remember that in "How It Works" which we read at almost every meeting in the world, there is no set amount of sobriety required before we jump right in. It simply says; "If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it---------------------THEN you ARE ready to take certain steps.

I believe that "pain" is the prime motivating factor in every human life. When it hurts enough, we do something about it! Remember that the authors of the Big Book dealt with alcoholics who faced a life or death problem which required a life or death solution. These individuals were hurting bad enough to be willing to go to any lengths from the very begining. Some alcoholics will spend 10, 20 or even 30 years in the Fellowship without ever becoming willing to go to any lengths to get the Program. Happily, some will be willing to be fearless and thourough from the very start.

Nowhere in the Big Book does it state that Recovery from alcoholism is a lifelong process but it does state that those who do not Recover are people who can not or will not completely give themselves to this simple Program.

Of course! I invite you all to "Jump Right In" !!!!
Recovered Alcoholic
"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program".
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Postby howards » Wed Feb 07, 2007 9:12 am

Why not just go to a meeting and find out for yourself?
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Postby FrenchToast » Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:04 pm

Justcoffee,
I'm really taken by your poignant questions. Not sure which is the best although tough to top howard saying "Why not just go to a meeting and find out for yourself?"

I hope that your post illicits thoughts inside of those that DO know what they wldnt have had they done it on their own.

I had similar feelings to you before I went to a meeting. I lasted all of 6 weeks dry on my own. I was scared so much in so many ways but I wanted more. I wanted the things that people want but I wanted meaning and purpose and others in my life.

People throw out the cliche "I did it my way". I used to say "make the world go away" literally! And when I got sober I realized I acheived both and was not satisfied w/the results. I needed to learn to be teachable and learn stuff (I needed to learn how to do lifes daily tasks w/out being drunk) but I needed to be a teamplayer and to be others centered; not self-centered.

I have rambled. I'll end w/this. It is wonderous to hear your exact story or feelings come out of a strangers mouth. It is strengthening to see those w/resolve stay sober despite the struggles of life. Its powerful to join in w/those who have a common goal. And its great to be part of something positive and to help others.

And to know that you are loved, I mean really and truly loved by God and by others.....my words can not describe.

"Why not just go to a meeting and find out for yourself?"

FT
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