I've relapsed

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Toniias
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I've relapsed

Post by Toniias »

4 days off a year's sobriety..been on one for 3 months..woke up being sick..been in hospital twice..a cell..fell down my stairs..fell asleep in the bath..took drugs..so yeah I've hit the drink big time. I decided today when I woke up wetting myself and being sick to start again. I prayed to my higher power. I called my sponsor who lives hundreds of miles away after 2 months of ignorance..she said..I've been waiting for you..I cried and cried..spoke to a local aa woman as I've just moved here..shes meeting me for coffee Monday before the meeting. I've not ate in days..I've somehow managed to feed my cat..poor thing..shes OK thank god. I've no idea who I've been messaging or what my neighbours think..I'm just a F*** mess..I've dug out my big book..read the doctors opinion..not sure I'm ready for much else..I'm on my sofa and all I can do is sip tea..any kind words or whatever else. I'm seeking comfort really. My daughter died 4 years ago and my 8 year old is with her dad who I'm fighting to stay alive for. This isn't a pity post. Just my truth. Please pray for my soul. I've not drank since yesterday 7pm. Thank you ♡♡♡

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ebear
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by ebear »

Dear Toniias,

I have been there (also having hung on at times for my children), as have many others. We know what you have gone through, and I can identify with how fragile you feel.

Remember that as long as alcohol stays out of your system, you are healing. Perhaps you don't have many phone numbers yet, but it sounds like you could use some visits as you recover. Tea, then tea with crackers, then stepping out for a little fresh air with a bottle of cool water. Be gentle with yourself, and look ahead, not backward.
If you don't change direction, you'll end up where you're headed.

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PaigeB
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by PaigeB »

Toniias wrote:
Sat Oct 05, 2019 10:50 am
4 days off a year's sobriety..been on one for 3 months..woke up being sick..been in hospital twice..a cell..fell down my stairs..fell asleep in the bath..took drugs..so yeah I've hit the drink big time. I decided today when I woke up wetting myself and being sick to start again. I prayed to my higher power. I called my sponsor who lives hundreds of miles away after 2 months of ignorance..she said..I've been waiting for you..I cried and cried..spoke to a local aa woman as I've just moved here..shes meeting me for coffee Monday before the meeting. I've not ate in days..I've somehow managed to feed my cat..poor thing..shes OK thank god. I've no idea who I've been messaging or what my neighbours think..I'm just a F*** mess..I've dug out my big book..read the doctors opinion..not sure I'm ready for much else..I'm on my sofa and all I can do is sip tea..any kind words or whatever else. I'm seeking comfort really. My daughter died 4 years ago and my 8 year old is with her dad who I'm fighting to stay alive for. This isn't a pity post. Just my truth. Please pray for my soul. I've not drank since yesterday 7pm. Thank you ♡♡♡
Welcome Toniias. We do not shoot our wounded. Be at peace and heal. Please watch for severe symptoms and do not hesitate to call a medical professional or ambulance if you have withdrawal symptoms beyond a hangover - these effects may come now or days later. You can watch some romance and then some comedy... sounds like you Soul needs a bit of both. Read some stories in the Big Book too - they are healing... even if you just read the last few pages of each one. Read the last page of the last story in the Big Book. "... how did we do it?" :wink:

Most of all ~ know that you are loved. Everyday, every hour an AA meeting is bowing their heads for the prayer and the time between those prayers is sacred. You can join them in prayer and in spirit anytime - day or night! On a more practical note you can hit a few ONLINE live chat/text (or other medium) meetings by checking out this link: http://aa-intergroup.org/directory.php

Keep coming back - we will be here... Hugs and carry on.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Brock
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by Brock »

Welcome here Toniias, as one who has also relapsed I appreciate how bad it feels, my heart and prayers are with you, as they say ‘this to will pass.’

I got a lot out of listening to AA speakers on you tube in my early years, just type in AA speakers and there is a wide choice, it helped when I was feeling down.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

Toniias
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Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2019 10:37 am

Re: I've relapsed

Post by Toniias »

Thank all for the kindness in those words..I'm just grateful for aa and for my higher power. I'm alive. Don't know how but I am. Can't wait to start the work again next week. It's going to be hard but beautiful. I know what I need to do..thought I had it in the bag..couple of wines turned into 3 months of drinking. Everything happens for a reason I guess..I'm now onto my 5th cup of tea..bloody hell..even in that cell I walked straight out of it and into an off licence..it was pure self destruction. Anyway...I'm shaky and craving escape but just going to sit with it..this too shall pass. Thank you for listening to me ♡♡

Toniias
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by Toniias »

I'm happy to say ive engaged again with the fellowship and starting work again next week. Still not a drop past my lips ☺ one day at a time ♡

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Jojo2
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by Jojo2 »

Toniias wrote:
Sun Oct 06, 2019 10:33 am
I'm happy to say ive engaged again with the fellowship and starting work again next week. Still not a drop past my lips ☺ one day at a time ♡
Good to hear that and that you are meeting someone before the meeting tomorrow.

Keep coming back !

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PaigeB
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by PaigeB »

Such Good News! Blessed Be!

Now you need to maintain your sobriety. Ask for Help - then help your HP!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

MyNameIsBetsy
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Re: I've relapsed

Post by MyNameIsBetsy »

How are you doing, Toniias? It's been a couple of days since you posted. I hope you are back to feeling better. You asked for prayer; I am praying that your Higher Power blesses you with another day of sobriety and the willingness to do your part. We all have a part to play and my part is willingness. I hope that is your part too . . . being willing today to do what is needed today to not drink today.

My very favorite AA slogan is One Day At A Time. We don't drag yesterday's hurts into this day, and we don't project tomorrow's fears into this day. (At least, we try not to do that!!) We live this day, today, sober.

Welcome back to AA. It's a good way to live.

- Betsy
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

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