I need advice..pls read my story :/

[cat129]

I'm new to trying to get help. I'm not even sure that I can quit drinking. I really want to be able to limit myself so that I can drink socially as I am in college right now. My drinking really doesn't affect my classes or my jobs but I feel like this is just an excuse to justify it to myself. If I don't have something to study for, I get home from work and immediately start drinking. I dont usually get to the point of blacking out, it has only happened a couple of times. I usually like to avoid this, just try to toe the line of being as drunk as possible that everything is fuzzy but not actually blacking out. For a woman, I have a high alcohol tolerance. I think some of this comes from the fact that literally every adult in my family is an alcoholic and Ive been drinking since I was 14. When I drink, I tend to not throw up and I don't get hangovers so I tend to go crazy because I dont even have to deal with the consequences in the morning. I'm at a point where I'm drinking at least 7 drinks every night, usually close to 13 when I go out.
I actually came on here because last weekend I drank one bottle of wine (myself) and a couple shots in the span of like 1.5 hours. I proceeded to fall 3 times in the yard, then I fell off the bed and hit my head so hard I have a black eye. I was completely blacked out. I don't know how I'm alive rn, like I didn't throw up at all. Ive been drinking more regularly this entire year, but I've been on approximately a two month bender of day drinking when I dont have class, going out, drinking every night. Its getting harder to stop when I normally would. I dont know if I think I can handle it, but I know that its bad. tonight is my first night sober in about two months. I kind of like it, but Ive considered going out to buy some vodka at least 5 times. I'm scared because (and this is stupid) I feel like I can control my normal drinking and this is just one instance of me going off the rails in this bender.

If you read all of that, thank you so much. Any comments or advice are appreciated

[avaneesh912]

Sincerely advice you to read the book alcoholics anonymous. You have many traits that resemble an alcoholic. You will never be able to control your drinking and the worst part is, alcoholics without that recognition wont stay on the wagon. Their mind will always trick them into drinking and the craving kicks in once we start drinking.

[clouds]

Hi cat, welcome to e-aa.

I hope you can control your drinking and you could be right in feeling that you can.

If you find that you can't stop if you want to and admit you're powerless to just drink as much as you think is the right amount then contact an AA group near you and find another person to talk to about it. There are a lot of young people in AA and so there will be someone who can hear your story and give some advice.

My best and worst drinking was at uni and I thought things would get better after I got married, but they didn't. I contacted AA, started meetings, and been sober ever since thanks to AA.

Keep coming back here and let us know how its going.
Sorry its not so active on e-aa today. I think others around will start coming on and give you more info about how they would approach your situation.

All the best in future!

[ODAAT]

I dont know if I think I can handle it, but I know that its bad. ... I feel like I can control my normal drinking and this is just one instance of me going off the rails in this bender.

Seems like you are increasingly losing control....

Welcome to the forum, cat129. Stick around. We all used to drink like you do now.

[Jojo2]

I'm new to trying to get help. I'm not even sure that I can quit drinking. I really want to be able to limit myself so that I can drink socially as I am in college right now. My drinking really doesn't affect my classes or my jobs but I feel like this is just an excuse to justify it to myself.

Welcome to e-AA.

Thank you for reaching out, Cat. That takes courage and I am glad you are here.

I think many of us can relate to the numerous attempts to control and the endless excuses to justify.

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.


The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous ~ online link is
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline

Perhaps start with
Chap 3
More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

The Doctor's Opinion
There is a Solution
and
How it Works
are all valuable chapters we recommend reading.

See if you can identify with any of the stories at the back.

You may also find this quiz informative

Is AA For You ?

Twelve Questions Only You Can Answer

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

To request a temporary sponsor to get you started with the AA programme, please complete our form here:

http://www.e-aa.org/form_sponsors.php

A temporary sponsor is a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous who is willing to share their experience, strength, and hope with another alcoholic as a way of service to help insure their own sobriety.

Their main function is to help guide the new person towards the 12 Steps, and also, where appropriate, to help guide the new person to face to face meetings and a f2f sponsor in their local AA community.

An excellent introduction on sponsorship, permanent or temporary, with questions and answers, is this pamphlet
from GSO :

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship:
http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

[JeffS.]

Welcome cat, this is a great place for help. Have you ever read from the big book?

[Jojo2]

Alcoholics Anonymous - Fourth Edition Stories

ME AN ALCOHOLIC ?

Alcohol's wringer squeezed this author, but he escaped quite whole.

After talking with him for a time, I heard myself saying, "Doc, I think I'm an alcoholic".
"Yes," he said, surprisingly, "you are".
"Then why in God's name haven't you told me so during all these years?"
"Two reasons," he said. "First, I couldn't be sure. The line between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic is not always clear.
It wasn't until just lately that, in your case, I could draw it. Second, you wouldn't have believed me even if I had told you".

p. 385

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous ~ online link is
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline

[Brock]

The links which have been provided to our literature, is where the answers are to be found. It’s a good use of forums like these to ask questions about whether we are alcoholics, it says this in chapter 3 ‘More About Alcoholism’ -

 We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it.

Where it says be honest with yourself, I think the point is, alcoholics when they stop after a few drinks feel pretty crappy, because the addiction has them craving more. Most of us didn’t want to be alcoholics, so for a long time weren't honest about it, but if you can drink a few like ‘normal’ people do, then stop and still feel OK, you probably are not one.

I think some of this comes from the fact that literally every adult in my family is an alcoholic and Ive been drinking since I was 14.

Many people who drink a lot are branded alcoholic, but our literature shows in chapter 2 ‘There Is A Solution,’ what we call hard drinkers, it says -

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

Yes, may even have to go to the doctor for help, and maybe your family is like that. But the alcoholic to whom AA applies, might be told by the doctor, ‘take these pills and stop drinking, or else it will kill you,’ and it won’t work with them. They have to have help, by way of a spiritual experience, provided by doing the steps of AA. And a strange thing happens after that, the same person who was scared of finding out they really were an alcoholic, is now happy about it, because they find an unexpected benefit of doing the AA steps, they feel at peace and happier than ever before. If you ever hear a person say they are happy to be alcoholic, don’t doubt it, they have found the key to a life that rocks.

[Db1105]

I think that you are reaching out here for help in trying to control your drinking is a pretty good indicator that you have a problem with alcohol. My attempts at control (just beer, only vodka, just smoking weed, Etc.,) was a complete failure.

[Surrender]

Hope Today your on the Wagon.
If Alcohol costs you more than Money, you know you have a Problem.
Black eye already?..... and one thing is Guaranteed if you continue drinking,
there is many negative YETS waiting to happen
as a consequence of Drinking. We are left vulnerable to many impacts from the Booze.
Obviously your Uni Study is to, eventually enter a well Paid Job thust be the Foundation for the rest of your Life.
A good friend of mine with a extremely high iQ could of been any thing she wanted to be in life, started the Uni drinking and thought
she would postpone her study's untill the party had stopped, though
now the Melancholy and Circumstances that has followed her, as a result of Alcohol Abuse, has negatively Impacted Her life.
Well Hope you can Look after No1 and learn from others mistakes, and have a fruit full and happy life, because EtOH is a Depressant
and not only a stain remover, but removes much of what you could of gained in Life.
Blessings Dear Friend.

[Alexendra Berehnova]

I would say ,attend an AA meeting. Surely they will help you to recover from this.

[ebear]

Hi, Cat.

A great step would be to go to a meeting open to everyone, alcoholics and non-alcoholics who want to learn about the program. In my area, they are called Open meetings. If you are invited to share, you can just pass. Remember, too, that if you relate to what you hear and want to try other “closed” meetings, “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.” You do not have to say you are alcoholic to be there. Google "AA Intergroup" to find meetings in your area.

Toward the end of my drinking, I, like you, had built up a tolerance to alcohol. I wouldn’t throw up and wouldn’t have hangovers the next morning no matter how much I had drunk. Of course, the living room would be mess with beer cans, an empty pint bottle on the couch (Jeez, did I really finish that and 10 beers?), empty bowls (try to figure out what had been in them), and maybe an empty bag of chips (Family Size). I could not remember the night or what I had eaten the day before. Then I would swear off drinking again, which lasted for the first half of the day. This is no way to live, I would think—especially for a diabetic.

Still, I thought I could get this under control by myself. Things got even worse before I FINALLY walked into AA and found a solution that works. I got a copy of the Big Book and a sponsor and began working on the Steps. The feeling of relief was almost immediate, and the desire to drink vanished soon after.

I hope you can relate to some of what you read in these posts and find freedom soon!

[ebear]

By the way, Cat:

I'm not even sure that I can quit drinking.

YES you CAN!

I really want to be able to limit myself so that I can drink socially.

I "drink socially," but with diet cola or seltzer!

My drinking really doesn't affect my classes or my jobs.

We don't have to fail courses or show up hungover in class to accept that our drinking affects us there. We don't have to get fired or miss days of work. I could have had far better grades if I had spent more time studying and less time drinking or daydreaming in class about my next drink. The same applies to work. I never got fired, but I worked drunk sometimes and hid it. I shortchanged my employers by drinking or thinking about it instead of focusing on my work.

That was my experience, anyway.

[innermost]

Welcome Cat129

AA has one requirement for membership.

1. The desire to stop drinking.

Your statement:

I really want to be able to limit myself so that I can drink socially as I am in college right now.

Because of your statement, I can NOT help.
If your alcoholic, I do NOT know how you can drink socially.
If you want to find out if your alcoholic you can get the book Alcoholics Anonymous and see.
Or you can go to AA meetings and talk with people that are alcoholic.
Also there are AA speakers on Youtube/internet that you can hear and see if you might be an alky.

However this site may NOT have such a requirement, so I can only say welcome and while reading, try and find out if your alcoholic.

If you find you can NOT drink socially and when or if you do desire to stop drink, I can share my experience, strength and hope with you.
Until then my hat is off to you.

[ebear]

Cat,

I have to second what innermost said. AA is not the place to learn about controlling drinking. It's for people who have tried that, failed, and became willing to enjoy a new and rewarding life without drinking at all.

We'll keep the lights on for you, if and when you're ready.