Questions Heard At Meetings.

For recovery discussion
Post Reply
User avatar
Brock
Trusted Servant
Posts: 3923
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by Brock » Wed Apr 03, 2019 8:06 am

I have heard members speak about “romancing the drink,” what does that mean?
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8232
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by PaigeB » Wed Apr 03, 2019 10:56 am

Ohhh LOL. Maybe that is just for us old bar brawlers... :lol: :lol: But seriously. I ALWAYS had the romantic dream that one day I would "control AND enjoy my drinking"... without dental work or facial lacerations.

For me it's on page 30 of the BB - More About Alcoholism.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. If I sit around like a schoolgirl making up stories (lying to myself) about "the good old days" and I do it long enough - I am pretty sure I will go get drunk. If I make up the drinking life as better than the sober life - I will soon be belly to the bar and pounding for my next drink. Surely EVERYONE is happy to see me, right?!? I don't want to believe I can never drink safely again! I stomp my mental foot like a petulant child! NO! I want to sing and dance and twirl (on top of an unsteady table).

More from MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM... All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals -- usually brief -- were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to (PAID) pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Really? ALL of us?? I mean, I know I do it - here it says "every alcoholic".

Then, on the last page of the last story of the BB, is a final warning about romancing the drink... At the top of the page is "Just how do we do it?" and then the last paragraph...
Above all, we reject fantasizing and accept reality. The more I drank, the more I fantasized everything. I imagined getting even for hurts and rejections. In my mind’s eye I played and replayed scenes in which I was plucked magically from the bar where I stood nursing a drink and was instantly exalted to some position of power and prestige. I lived in a dream world. A.A. led me gently from this fantasizing to embrace reality with open arms. And I found it beautiful! For, at last, I was at peace with myself. And with others. And with God.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

User avatar
Jojo2
Trusted Servant
Posts: 896
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:25 am

Re: Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by Jojo2 » Wed Apr 03, 2019 1:09 pm

Brock wrote:I have heard members speak about “romancing the drink,” what does that mean?

One definition of Romance is

".. to tell stories that are not true, or to describe an event in a way that makes it sound better than it was".


Anyone involved in a romantic relationship will focus on the good things. The faults of the other person will be obscured and ignored by the intensity of positive feelings.

Romancing the drink focuses on 'memories' of the 'good' things whilst ignoring the pain and suffering. Imagination will fill in the gaps and embellish when they felt in control and had 'fun', resulting in the events appearing more enjoyable than they actually were.
We tend to forget how those fleeting moments of happiness ended in disillusion, disappointment, pain and resentment.

Nostalgia leads some of us alcoholics to want to recapture that 'magic', just one more time.
Not finding that happiness at the bottom of our glass leads us to try again.

This delusion is what I understand as romancing the drink.

User avatar
Brock
Trusted Servant
Posts: 3923
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by Brock » Wed Apr 03, 2019 3:22 pm

My answer to that question when I heard it asked, was much along the lines of what Jojo mentions. We can tend to remember only the good parts, forgetting the bad, and in this way possibly justify going back to the drink.

I have found we do this in other areas of life as well, like going on holiday, then remembering it we romanticize, ‘remember that lovely sunset and beautiful beach,’ but what about the mosquitoes and the diarrhea we got, no the brain pushes those things to the side.

In my experience, this danger is mainly when we are new to AA. But when we are following this program as it’s designed, our life is so good we don’t look back on our drinking days at all, except maybe when we meet a person who is in trouble, and let them know we have been there ourselves.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

User avatar
Jojo2
Trusted Servant
Posts: 896
Joined: Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:25 am

Re: Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by Jojo2 » Sun Apr 07, 2019 12:05 am

Brock wrote:
In my experience, this danger is mainly when we are new to AA. But when we are following this program as it’s designed, our life is so good we don’t look back on our drinking days at all, except maybe when we meet a person who is in trouble, and let them know we have been there ourselves.

We start to become honest with ourselves when we start the Steps, otherwise we are continuing to live in romancing our version of the past, conveniently omitting that which we need to accept.

Following the Programme affords us the best chance to create the life we are capable of leading; a life of contented sobriety.

User avatar
avaneesh912
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 5089
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by avaneesh912 » Sun Apr 07, 2019 5:03 am

Exactly. Some shares are so ridiculous that they know how it all end. They share how they will go out. They are the ones who believe its all about not picking up. They dont know the mental twist part. We stay conscious by being spiritually fit. Some believe that an alcoholic thinks of drinking everyday. One of the meetings the discussion leader asked how many thought of a drink. And few hands went up. He had the audacity to call the rest liars.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8232
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Questions Heard At Meetings.

Post by PaigeB » Sun Apr 07, 2019 9:17 am

I don't think of drinking everyday but I DO think about AA everyday. Fist thing I do is open this site for the Daily Reflections reading.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

Post Reply