Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

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Surrender
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Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Surrender » Fri Mar 29, 2019 10:55 pm

Hi Just a Question :?:
I must Admit I have never completed the Steps.
A while ago a friend in AA with trust issues asked me to sponsor him.
I politely declined and told him i may not be the best person to ask, for i had not completed the steps, and i felt this may not serve him well.
My Ego wanted to say yes to him, but something stirred within me, that this would be self serving, selfish act.
He seemed agitated at me declining his cry for help, and stopped coming to meetings for a while.
Though I knew of a terrific Sponsor in a adjacent town, that would not sugar coat the steps, and that may have been well suited for this young man searching,
so I called and left a message on the young mans phone of this idea. I never heard back verbally of his willingness.

So having said that, I know of another young fellow that has a Sponsor
though his Older Sponsor has not done the steps with a Sponsor,only on his own, just out of the Big Book.
What worries me with this Young fellow, he seems to be white Knuckling it, for so long now
and more times than not at meetings, he seems like the world is heavy on his shoulder's hardly laughs from the belly, and seems Melancholy.
Maybe it's family life, etc, but it seems Odd. He doesn't take tranquilizers or smoke, or do drugs, doesn't even drink coffee. He exercises physically .
Whereas his sponsor has excelled in leaps and bounds and often remarks how taking someone through the steps has helped his own recovery and is so much happier these days, and grateful for the program.
I can't help thinking is it right for a non-sponsored sponsor to take some one through the steps?
Am sure many can benefit from your feed back.
Thanks.

Greywolf
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Greywolf » Sat Mar 30, 2019 12:07 am

You haven't completed the steps and he won't do them without you. Consider doing them together. You both would benefit greatly.

There are many superstitions regarding how to do the steps. There are no hard and fast rules. Do what works.

And good luck.
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.

Sleddog75
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Sleddog75 » Sat Mar 30, 2019 5:58 am

Good stuff! I always say the instructions for sponsorship are in the 12th step hanging on the walls...."having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps..." I have a sponsee who is six months sober sponsoring a new guy. He asked me if he might be to new in the program to do that. I said...have you done the steps? Yes. Have you had a spiritual awakening? How do I know? Lots of ways but the main one is your desire to drink is gone. Oh then yes. And did this guy ask you to sponsor him? Yes. Looks good to me! And it's so neat seeing a guy with six months sober working with a guy with one week in the big book. Can't go wrong. I sit in sometimes but mainly let them just know I'm there if needed. It's their journey.
I was at a meeting and this guy was on his 4th sponsor in three years ...he said he was just going to let God sponsor him. Taking a problem straight to god and taking a problem to your sponsor are two totally different things. Best of luck but it's hard to work with someone and expect them to do things in the program you havent experienced yourself. Just my experience. Love this program !!

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avaneesh912
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by avaneesh912 » Sat Mar 30, 2019 6:03 am

I politely declined and told him i may not be the best person to ask, for i had not completed the steps, and i felt this may not serve him well.
That was very nice of you. I come from eastern philosophy where you could hurt somebody by doing this and this could come back and haunt you several lifetimes.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Greywolf » Sat Mar 30, 2019 11:32 am

Your friend saw something he wanted and was willing to go to any length to get it. Since I read your post the first time, I have thought, what an opportunity for the both of you. There is no down side to this. In my 55 years in AA I have seen no harm can come from being sober and having a spiritual awakening.

Here's how it worked in the early beginning. Alcoholics would go back to their homes after getting sober while on business in Akron and later Cleveland and New York. These true pioneers carried the message to alkies in their own home towns. The message was and still is there is hope for the "hopeless" alcoholic who wants to get sober.

In those early days the BB had not been written and there was no 12 step program. These sober alcoholics shared their experiences in Akron and passed on what few steps they had taken.

They banded together in support of one another and helped newbies stay sober. What started in Akron expanded to Cleveland and New York and to unknown communities across America.

From the git-go these pioneers supported one another stop drinking and used whatever spiritual means were available. What was available were the 6 steps of the Oxford Group and other sources of spiritual inspiration.

The BB and the 12 steps would come much latter.

People were getting sober and recovering. I can see no harm caused by taking the steps, only good.
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.

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PaigeB
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by PaigeB » Sat Mar 30, 2019 12:35 pm

None of us KNOW what the Will of God is. Sometimes it shows up in odd forms. IF it is done with Love and by persons seeking a Spiritual awakening, I would do it. Somebody in your community needs to start getting Speakers who bring in Step workshops and the like. We are very Steps/Sponsor oriented in my community.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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PaigeB
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by PaigeB » Sat Mar 30, 2019 12:38 pm

“. . . sometimes the good is the enemy of the best.”

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 101
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Brock
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Brock » Sat Mar 30, 2019 2:45 pm

Surrender wrote:I can't help thinking is it right for a non-sponsored sponsor to take some one through the steps?
Am sure many can benefit from your feed back.
I think it depends very much on the person who is doing the sponsoring, people like me who don’t have a sponsor, tend to keep that to ourselves, because it stirs up comments and little sayings like ‘a ship with no rudder.’ When we have discussed this in the past, the majority has come down heavily on the side, which says the sponsor must have a sponsor of their own. I have also seen this suggested in an AA pamphlet, but can’t remember which one.

AA is a great program but it’s not perfect, and there are inconsistencies in the ‘official literature’ about sponsorship. First the Big Book doesn't mention sponsor, but does speak a lot about working with others, so the 12 & 12 published in 53 makes up for that and mentions it many times, (18 times we can see, using a free app like concordance of the 12 & 12, also available for Big Book).

Then in 75 they publish ‘Living Sober,’ and basically say we don’t use a sponsor after we do the steps, they say this -
And the best sponsors are really delighted when the newcomer is able to step out past the stage of being sponsored. Not that we ever have to go it altogether alone. But the time does come when even a young bird must use its own wings and start its own family. Happy flying!
So start your own family, sponsor others, and you no longer have a sponsor yourself. But you can like I and every common sense gifted person knows, ask any more experienced person, for assistance on any question on which you might be stumped, forums like this are good for that as well.

Now most seem to think it’s good to have a sponsor more or less for life, and you hear proud talk of a long sponsorship line. I have heard things like ‘my grand sponsor was sponsored by X or Y,’ and wouldn’t be surprised if someone said proudly, his grand sponsor used the same bathroom as Bill.

I believe non sponsored members are first class in sponsoring others, because we are more likely to look around for answers when we are unsure, rather than just trusting our own sponsor to have them.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Layne » Sat Mar 30, 2019 5:53 pm

I can't help thinking is it right for a non-sponsored sponsor to take some one through the steps?
I basically think of the concept of a sponsor, as a synonym for a guide. It seems logical that a guide would benefit from personal experience with working the steps but that doesn't say it can't be done. Just maybe not the best choice. A sponsor doesn't need to have had a sponsor in order to be a sponsor. I don't know who the very first sponsor was, but they obviously didn't have a sponsor before they became one. I imagine they had personal experience with working the steps, but that is only a guess on my part.

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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by ODAAT » Sun Mar 31, 2019 6:35 am

Layne wrote:
I don't know who the very first sponsor was, but they obviously didn't have a sponsor before they became one. I imagine they had personal experience with working the steps, but that is only a guess on my part.

Ebby Thatcher.

He didn't really have much experience even after he become a sponsor...

Layne
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Re: Question? Non Sponsored, Sponsoring

Post by Layne » Sun Mar 31, 2019 9:12 am

ODAAT wrote:
Layne wrote:
I don't know who the very first sponsor was, but they obviously didn't have a sponsor before they became one. I imagine they had personal experience with working the steps, but that is only a guess on my part.

Ebby Thatcher.

He didn't really have much experience even after he become a sponsor...
The steps have taught me the importance of assuming personal responsibility in the choices I make. Choosing a sponsor is a good example. Caveat emptor. Due to the nature of the lesson and the steps, I didn't get it right at the get go. It took many, many times of putting the cart before the horse before the light came on.

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