Step 3 & handing over my problems

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Seva
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Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by Seva » Mon Feb 18, 2019 8:25 am

I was listening to a Step 3 share yesterday & something clicked. She was talking about handing over our will & lives to our higher power. I have been going through a difficult patch & I have an habit of worrying when negative things happen. This would always lead me to drinking to try & block them out. Step 3 got me thinking when I hear the share. I am now thinking that step 3 & working the steps will allows me to hand over these worries to my higher power to deal with & relieve me of the suffering.

For my entire life I have been trying to fix things & problems but could never handle the pressure. The serenity prayer has helped me a little by understanding what I can & cant change but I am still left with this worry all the time when things happen. I guess the underlying defect to this worry is fear. Will I get to a point where I no longer worry because my higher power is in charge?

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Brock
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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by Brock » Mon Feb 18, 2019 10:27 am

Seva wrote: I guess the underlying defect to this worry is fear. Will I get to a point where I no longer worry because my higher power is in charge?
I think you hit the nail on the head right there, fear and worry to me is one of the alcoholics biggest enemy’s. In ‘How it Works’ they say this -
Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.
It takes time and doing the rest of the steps for this to start going away, but it does go away. I often hear members say things like ‘whatever happens I know it will be OK,’ that is faith and turning things over working. The literature talks so much about ‘one day at a time,’ and unfortunately many seem to think it’s about staying sober one day at a time, when in fact most of it is referring to living one day at a time, and fear is always about what might happen in the future, or about something we did in the past. Learning to live one day at a time is great, some of us as suggested in step eleven, expand our spiritual reading and practice, to the point of being able to live in the present moment most of the time, not just day to day but moment to moment.

Thanks for this topic, it’s an important one for newer members, discussing step 3 at the bottom of page 39 in the 12 &12 it says - “More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is just where the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in.” That word contented is the real goal, and I have found more contentment and peace than I ever believed possible, keep going you will find it.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by Layne » Mon Feb 18, 2019 10:55 am

I find worry to be counterproductive and a stumbling block to my recovery. Worry will probably always pop it's ugly head up on my path, but I can do something about the degree and length of time that I engage with worry when it does present itself. Faith, trust, and the serenity prayer help guide me away from worry.
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” – Dalai Lama

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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by tomsteve » Mon Feb 18, 2019 12:09 pm

Seva wrote: For my entire life I have been trying to fix things & problems but could never handle the pressure. The serenity prayer has helped me a little by understanding what I can & cant change but I am still left with this worry all the time when things happen. I guess the underlying defect to this worry is fear. Will I get to a point where I no longer worry because my higher power is in charge?
IF you work the rest of the steps its possible. notice something in the BB very important after step 3:
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning,which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless AT ONCE followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

something to remember about the 3rd step:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the CARE of God as we understood Him.
our will is our thoughts and our lives is our actions that are only in the CARE of God.

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avaneesh912
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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by avaneesh912 » Tue Feb 19, 2019 4:26 am

Will I get to a point where I no longer worry because my higher power is in charge?

Its possible. But our mind will always run wild. When something un-expected (of course according to your own mind), it immediately wants to revolt. Those are the times, we will have to bring into practice these principles. At my current job, its a perpetual un-certainty, and the mind is in-secure, but I can't let the situation derail my life. I have to accept the situation and be prepared.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by Seva » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:24 am

Brock wrote:
Seva wrote: I guess the underlying defect to this worry is fear. Will I get to a point where I no longer worry because my higher power is in charge?
I think you hit the nail on the head right there, fear and worry to me is one of the alcoholics biggest enemy’s. In ‘How it Works’ they say this -
Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.
It takes time and doing the rest of the steps for this to start going away, but it does go away. I often hear members say things like ‘whatever happens I know it will be OK,’ that is faith and turning things over working. The literature talks so much about ‘one day at a time,’ and unfortunately many seem to think it’s about staying sober one day at a time, when in fact most of it is referring to living one day at a time, and fear is always about what might happen in the future, or about something we did in the past. Learning to live one day at a time is great, some of us as suggested in step eleven, expand our spiritual reading and practice, to the point of being able to live in the present moment most of the time, not just day to day but moment to moment.

Thanks for this topic, it’s an important one for newer members, discussing step 3 at the bottom of page 39 in the 12 &12 it says - “More sobriety brought about by the admission of alcoholism and by attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from permanent sobriety and a contented, useful life. That is just where the remaining Steps of the A.A. program come in.” That word contented is the real goal, and I have found more contentment and peace than I ever believed possible, keep going you will find it.
Yeah I am currently waiting for some test results & I mentioned it to a lovely lady at my home group & her reply was "what ever the outcome we will be ok, we will manage" I didn't really understand this as if the results come back bad then how will it be ok but thinking about it I could see that she was right & it was comforting.

In my opinion fear / anxiety is about the future & depression is about the past. If we can live in the present moment then we get rid of anxiety & depression. So, yeah if i can get to the stage that i live moment to moment I would be content.

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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by Seva » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:26 am

Layne wrote:I find worry to be counterproductive and a stumbling block to my recovery. Worry will probably always pop it's ugly head up on my path, but I can do something about the degree and length of time that I engage with worry when it does present itself. Faith, trust, and the serenity prayer help guide me away from worry.
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” – Dalai Lama
Worry is a massive problem to me. I have always turned to drink whenever I have started to worry. So basically a drank to mask my anxiety amongst other things.

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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by PaigeB » Tue Feb 19, 2019 12:53 pm

Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65
Worry... argh ~ we will never be wholly rid of it. Or even Holy rid of it I don't think. Worry is pretty essential to keeping on our toes about danger and surviving. However, like with mose alkies ...
Step 4 12&12 pg 42 "Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities. Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been, and are."
So maybe Step 3 is but a beginning ~ an introduction to the proper type of prayer that will serve us for a lifetime, through worry and anger and the death of loved one we will inevitably face. Whatever life brings us. Like this weekend, I spent two days trying to figure a connectivity problem between my PC and my scanner. At one point we thought we had it and then found that the documents scanned in as jpg instead of pdf... finally I gave in and decided to try something new - a program that gave converted one to the other. Took like 5 minutes to finish the problem from there. Crikey! Maybe had I given up earlier I would not have had that horrifying flash through my mind that said, "Dang! I need a drink!" It scared me for a second, but I realized that it was just an old impulse - an old solution that I no longer practiced. I said a quick prayer and went right back to struggling with the problem. I might have surrendered fully right there - but I didn't. It took everything I had to get through to where I am and I do not know what part of that Experience my HP needs me to have for passing on. Maybe I just needed to tell the Clerk of Court to have a great day when she suggested the pdf conversion program.
God, I offer myself to Thee - To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Relieve me (momentary compared to release for good?) ... not so I feel better but so that I can bear witness. This Life is no longer ALL ABOUT ME... we have to try to be more altruist, but it will just be part of a lifetime Journey. We shall have to learn something about ourselves and learn something about how to balance things in life and how to continually put our feelings on the back burner while we DO the next right thing. Step 12 brings it all together then we turn around and do it all over again.

A lifetime of Practicing. SO why not be Content in the meantime? "Content with patient improvement" that is.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

JackW
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Re: Step 3 & handing over my problems

Post by JackW » Wed Feb 20, 2019 1:45 pm

You can tell when I let go of something, because it has claw marks all over it.

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