Do we give ourselves time?

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Do we give ourselves time?

Postby Aimee » Fri Jun 22, 2018 2:01 am

After being made redundant, moving house and obviously facing financial issues I slipped back to my old ways of drowning my sorrows up to 2 bottles of wine a day. I’ve been sober in the past but relapsed, seems to be my coping mechanism! I’m only 5 days sober and starting to realise we aren’t going to recover overnight (a nice as that would be) after what our bodies have been through. Each day I have felt brighter, less anxious and able to put things in place I couldn’t do hung over or dazed. Day one I never thought I would survive. The shakes have subsided, sweats are only during the night but easing, anxiety lifting. I’m very guilty of googling every symptom which hightend my fear, I’m making a conscious effort to stop! What I’m trying to say is, maybe we all are too quick to think recovery is over night. Now I’m able to try to rationalise I can see a future. Of course all our bodies and consumption vary. I have found drinking gallons of water and eating loads of vitamin b foods has helped considerably. Hang in there! Thanks newbie
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Re: Do we give ourselves time?

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Jun 22, 2018 3:43 am

Welcome to the forums Aimee. Emotional sobriety is something we have to work on diligently. But we could overcome those mental blind spots once the realization creeps in. We are caught in that vicious cycle. The 12 steps keeps us in a state of neutrality. We lose interest in booze.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Do we give ourselves time?

Postby Brock » Fri Jun 22, 2018 4:01 am

Welcome here Aimee.

Reading your post reminded me of sayings I have heard in the rooms of AA meetings, like ‘time takes time’ and ‘we didn't get this sick overnight.’

Nice to see that the shakes have subsided and you are starting to feel ‘normal’ again, perhaps you have plans to visit local meetings, and look for the long term solution to alcoholism by doing the steps. It’s such a baffling thing alcoholism, without the strength of a spiritual solution via the steps, we will slip time and time again.

We have a good group of folks here, and it’s nice to hear from a new person. Also many come here to read and don’t post, and the words from someone with five days, seems to encourage those thinking about giving AA a try, often more than the stories of old timers.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Do we give ourselves time?

Postby Jojo2 » Fri Jun 22, 2018 4:38 am

Welcome Aimee

Well done on 5 days. Forget the 'only'. 5 days is tremendous.

Alcohol is packed with sugar so do try to have sweetened cordials as well as water and boiled sweets to suck.

The good news is you only have to go through this once.

This too shall pass.

Glad you are here.
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Re: Do we give ourselves time?

Postby PaigeB » Fri Jun 22, 2018 10:43 am

Thanks for your post.
...maybe we all are too quick to think recovery is over night.

I can really identify... I came to AA a "firm atheist" - meaning I had no argument with believers, unless they had a problem with me. But I "Knew" there was no god and therefore this program was going to require me to take Action. If others believed they were "saved" or "gifted" this thing, I had no problem with that, but I could not have such a blind faith.

Fast forward 7 years or so, sober & productive. There was no particular event or dilemma that caused me to seek any sort of faith. I was uncomfortable again and all the things I could DO previously were not working. Not even service to other alcoholics. One day my meditation changed. I had been a practitioner or meditation in AA, rather than prayer. But my meditation turned me back to my beginning in AA - where I sought my inner-most self to admit alcoholism (page 30 BB). Obviously that 1st Step had worked ~ I did have some good sobriety after all. So I went there - to that place deep within where I had tapped an unsuspected resource (Appendix II, pg 567 BB) all those years ago. I figured it was time for another "chat" with my Deeper Self. I had been listening to prayers all along, as long as they were not exclusively Christian prayers... prayers like the Thomas Merton Prayer and the "Set Aside" prayer & the 3rd, 7th & 11th Step Prayers from the Big Book. I had made their words parts of my meditative intentions, but to no avail. So I went to have a "chat" with my Higher Self and I found myself saying words from those prayers: "I know nothing. Guide my feet. I Know there is Help for me."

I had again found a new Surrender. A place of Desperation & a real need for a Higher Power than myself. I came to a new understanding of the AA Phrase "Surrender to Win." And I was like: Oooohhhhhh... I get it! It was NOT always "fight or flight"... It was OK to believe I am fine and safe and protected - right here in this moment.

This old bar brawler could not fight my way out of a wet paper bag when it comes to Spirit! And I DID have a sudden experience... IF I had this experience early on it surely would have driven me to a mental hospital or to the bottle! But a dim Light did go on. Surrender was ~ again ~ the answer. It has become (Step 2) an answer that I am practicing more often AND I am growing again! I still do not believe in a conventional god, but I do believe what the Big Book says - God is everything or he is nothing. For a while, 7 years he was nothing and I still got sober. Now god is Everything... every atom in the Universe and I can "tap in" anytime via my own inner most self.

I still have to do the work. I WANT to do the work. After all, DOing the Work is what saved my life. AA was the last house on the block. Believe me!!! I tried everything - page 31 BB and More! I was a black out drinker for 20+ years - trust me, if I could find another way I would, but unfortunately I have to work it... It works if I work it. And I have to Surrender as part of a Daily Practice.

Thanks for letting me share.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Do we give ourselves time?

Postby Aimee » Mon Jun 25, 2018 2:36 pm

Thanks all for the lovely responses, big weekend for me, sunny friends drinking at the pub. I attended very anxious but stuck to my sparking water and soft drinks and ended the weekend really positively. I’m functioning now like I’ve not done in so long. It’s opened my eyes quite literally. Long may it continue!
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Re: Do we give ourselves time?

Postby PaigeB » Tue Jun 26, 2018 9:49 am

I’m functioning now like I’ve not done in so long.

Great! But it changes. It gets better and it gets worse... just like life. There is no graduation until we take that Long Sleep. :D :| =surprised

Keep doing what you're doing and a little more. Add some new tools along the way. BB Bill's Story, p.15 says:
It [AA] is a design for living that works in rough going.
But I have found I have to practice with my tools, like calling AA friends, during the good times and some of the small bumps in the road so that when the crap hits the fan I can pick up that phone like an extension of my arm! Or drive to the local AA club and waltz into the TV room and talk to anybody.

When I was new in AA I heard people talking about "90 meetings in 90 days". It is a treatment slogan, but I heard that a lot people who didn't go to treatment (like me) were doing that. When I asked the lady who was sort of my temporary sponsor about it she said it was not a bad idea - I would get to know where all the meetings were and get to know a lot of people. She said at the end of the 90 days I should be able to pick a Home Group and Get a Sponsor. So I did it. I went at all times of the day and to meetings all over the city. But I ended up choosing a sponsor from my new Home Group that is 2 blocks from my house! I still have the same home group! The ONLY Monday night that I have missed has been when I was on vacation out of state. I still go to 3 or 4 meetings week.

Anyway - one time I needed that tool. At about 5 years sober, my son had court where he was supposed to get out of jail. His lawyer made a few big mistakes and now he would not get out for another 30 days! To add to my distress I worked in the law all my life, so I knew enough to be enraged by this mistake and I was boiling over. I got home and I was frozen by my emotion, I really wanted to get even and my brain was running through some scenarios that were quite evil. For some reason I looked at the clock - my brain said, "You can still make it to the noon meeting!" Well, I was NOT thinking of sobriety or going to a meeting, but that Voice of Conscience shocked me. I grabbed my things and drove straight there. I don't remember the drive at all. I walked in and I must have looked funny ~ or angry LOL, the conversation stopped. Lots of people know me and I don't usually go to that meeting soo... But I saw a gal who used to be in my Home Group and there was a chair open next to her. She hugged my shoulders. I do not remember the meeting or if I spoke when my turn came or what all occurred. I was still freaked out though calmer. A post I made on Face Book got a gal to CALL ME. Next thing I knew, she was in my driveway! We waited together until the next meeting! She made sure that I was "safe" before she went home for the night. I stayed Sober. But not alone. I needed these people to help me and I needed to know where they were and they needed to know me so that I could not BS them... had they not helped me - I would have surely had to medicate that homicidal rage I felt. Of course that is not the end of that story - but the emergency had passed.

I hope that you find what I have found.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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