For those of you who don’t tell people

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For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby TracyM » Wed May 16, 2018 1:18 pm

For those of you who choose to only share that you’re an alcoholic with family or AA, why do you limit who you tell? My father (whom I am not close with) has been in recovery for 25+ years and he tells everyone. He thinks I should do the same. I DO NOT want to do that. So, I’m just curious how many keep this private and why you find this beneficial for you?
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed May 16, 2018 1:32 pm

Its all your preference. I dont go about broadcasting that I am in recovery. But circumstances warrants I will. There are some rude hosts who insist the guests have a drink or two when they don't know that if we start drinking we will wipe out their inventory =geek
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby PaigeB » Wed May 16, 2018 2:02 pm

if we start drinking we will wipe out their inventory

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Too true. In social settings I tend to say I am allergic. If they persist I say "If I drink, I break out in Handcuffs!" :shock:

If it is a serious matter I consider it a 12 Step call and treat it with all the gravity of a death sentence. Tell or don't tell, I have to follow my Inner-Most Self ~ with the help of Faith in HP of course.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby JungianRecovery » Wed May 16, 2018 2:30 pm

Agreed, it's a preference. Either way is good.

I've seen solid recovery that told everybody and solid recovery that told no one.

Because of my profession, I prefer to keep silent about it.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Brock » Wed May 16, 2018 4:51 pm

I’m just curious how many keep this private and why you find this beneficial for you?

I don’t think it’s beneficial to keep it private, but I do, and can’t see any benefit in speaking about it, unless it’s to assist someone who may have a similar problem, or as mentioned to occasionally shut up a fool insisting we have a drink.

They are some people who seem to like to wear these things on their sleeve, maybe ego driven I’m not sure. But one person I knew who had heart surgery, used to purposely leave his shirt unbuttoned half way down his chest, and seemed to enjoy when someone asked ‘how did you get that scar.’ It may be a way to get attention, look at me I survived being an alcoholic, or I survived heart surgery, the fact that AA so much emphasizes humility, might suggest we don’t talk about it unnecessarily.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby TracyM » Wed May 16, 2018 5:02 pm

Thank you all for sharing. I was starting to feel like if I didn’t tell people, then I was a fraud. I’m just needing to find others out there like me or understand what I’m going through. I’ve been feeling isolated and not able to connect with people.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Layne » Wed May 16, 2018 6:29 pm

I almost never mention it because for me, the line between being beneficial to the conversation or being gossip is a thin one, so i always want to be clear on my reason and motive before interjecting it into the conversation. When in doubt, I leave it out.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Greywolf » Wed May 16, 2018 8:01 pm

I respond according to who asks. These days I often say, "No, thank you."

Or "I'll have one with you if you'll drink with me until I'm ready to quit. Before you answer, let me warn you. The last time I started it lasted 12 years." No takers so far.

Or when pressed I'll say, "Drinking affects me sexually. Every time I do it I foul up." or words to that effect. :roll:

My new favorite for why don't you drink? "Good question. Why do you ask?"

Do you belong to AA. "I know what that first A stands for. What does the second A stand for?"
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Blue Moon » Wed May 16, 2018 8:13 pm

I tell about as many people that I'm alcoholic as I'm asthmatic. Both conditions are well under control, so it's simply not relevant to the vast majority of people, including close family and friends.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Greywolf » Wed May 16, 2018 8:37 pm

TracyM wrote:For those of you who choose to only share that you’re an alcoholic with family or AA, why do you limit who you tell? My father (whom I am not close with) has been in recovery for 25+ years and he tells everyone. He thinks I should do the same. I DO NOT want to do that. So, I’m just curious how many keep this private and why you find this beneficial for you?


The longer I'm sober the less I care one way or the other. It's one thing to say I've been sober a week or a month or even a year. The further away from stopping the easier it gets.

In fact as someone has said, the problem becomes keeping my ego in check. I try to remember my grandmother who never had a drink at all.

Being in meetings is a different matter although some with medium lengths of sobriety seem to have a problem with old-timers saying how long they have been sober in AA. I say to those folks, "Have a Coke and a smile and shut you pie hole."
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu May 17, 2018 2:10 am

I don't mention it. Usually it is only work dinners where drink is offered. No one asks me why. But at work, I don't need the labeling of AA.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby positrac » Thu May 17, 2018 3:59 am

Obviously blabbing about recovery and or being a drunk or addict in public can and will have consequences and it is your right to use sound judgment. In my home group we had a active judge who came to our meetings and we knew he was sober and a drunk. I am sure that his rulings on some cases would result on his experience in people who had issues with alcohol and drugs for example.

One thing I want to caution you on is ego can get your drunk! At the end of the day what does it matter that you are in recovery? See I've been at this for a long time and if I told someone I was sober and they got all funny and threatened that is their problem and not mine as I know who I am and what I stand for ethically in my life.

I suggest getting out of your way and let recovery do what it is supposed to do if you work the steps because making mountains out of mole hills doesn't do anyone any good.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby tomsteve » Thu May 17, 2018 6:02 am

TracyM wrote:. So, I’m just curious how many keep this private and why you find this beneficial for you?


i dont keep it private. but i dont run around tellin everyone . no need to let pride and ego run the show. plus theres something in traditions about anonymity.
if it comes up in conversation ill talk about it.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Soberguy27 » Mon Jun 04, 2018 8:59 pm

I have no problem telling anyone that I am in recovery. Here's why. I am over 28 years sober now, am retired so there is no employer to worry about. Today with all the social media we have, if you are still working or you are seeking a new job you might want to be picky about who you share your recovery with. Sites that are easily seen by prospective employers may look at your social media pages to learn more about you and could influence their decision on whether or not to hire you. It may not happen a lot but why take the chance. Otherwise it's your choice on who you wish to share your sobriety with.
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Re: For those of you who don’t tell people

Postby Dunca » Thu Jun 07, 2018 12:41 pm

I do not go around telling people my business of being a recovering alcoholic. But if I think someone could benefit from my story and work in A.A. then I reach out. Otherwise, no one knows but my family and a few of my friends.
I just want to say thank you to any and all that try to help me. I really want to stay sober and I have a bad track record. I keep coming back though!
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