Worry and Fear.

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Worry and Fear.

Postby Brock » Sat May 12, 2018 8:00 am

Very often I hear members ‘complaining’ in meetings, that worrying is the major thing affecting their happiness. The only advise given seems to be improve your spiritual life, trust more in God. Is there anything more that we might say to help someone suffering from worry?
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby Layne » Sat May 12, 2018 9:11 am

Worry reminds me in a lot of ways about my drinking with a lot of striking similarities. Both are unproductive and non-solution based. When I wake up in the morning after a day of worrying, what happened, either did happen or it didn't. My worrying didn't change anything about the outcome and didn't make anything go away.

For me, time spent worrying, takes time away from looking for solutions to true concerns that I might have. I find that acceptance abates worry. It helps me to realize that things are going to be alright...even when they are not alright!
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby PaigeB » Sat May 12, 2018 9:55 am

I believe in the practical aspects of this program. If I am fearful & worrying, I am spending too much time in my brain and in the future. Time to get busy with my hands and feet. I have to find a way to literally "change my mind" and the only way I Know how to do that is to meditate. It is not enough to just think about it - you actually have to DO. It really is practical to meditate. Set aside a time for practice and DO it... and remember - no expectations. Just kindness to self. Like teaching a child piano or handwriting. Gentle progress is my Hope, nothing more.

I am no expert. I have studied a few meditation genres. I still sorta stick with my practical self-taught way. Whatever works for a person is good enough. Seriously this is where we humans are more like ants - so so busy in the mind.

Mediation is the actual practice of changing one's mind from chaos to calm. Start with 2 minutes... that feels like it is a long time. Set a gong type timer for 2 or 3 minutes and focus on one word like "Love" or one scene like sitting on the beach looking out at the water. Yes, your mind will wander, but do not get upset, that is counter productive. Just go back to your word or scene. When the timer goes off you are done and that is good enough. Do it twice a day. Do it once a day! You cannot get better if you do not practice. No one has suggested to me to go more than 40 minutes of meditation at a sitting. I just "set-aside" everything you think and focus on prayer and meditation. I have to find my "Center" and hang out there for whatever amount of time I allot. If I cannot do a full ten minutes practicing bringing my mind back to the beach and one word (calm), then I can fill the 10 minutes with a Spiritual reading from the Big Book or any number of meditation books one can choose from. A good mix of education and practice seem to be a foundation for all of the genres I have tried out.

I have only done 20 minutes one time - I went to the local Zen Center for an introductory session. I do not think that is the genre for me though. My current meditation training is once a month a women's circle thing at a local energy healing center. We learn some stuff and have a guided meditation and tea and snacks. My daily practice is coming here - doing some reading and writing. I like the Daily Reflections here and have been reading and writing there for more than 5 years. It is actual DOing and it is Spirit focused. I have to gently bring my mind back from my list of things to do (Set aside Worry & Fear) and be where my eyes and hands are. I also believe that it is Spiritual work to go to a meeting or a study - use my feet and actually GO. Internet search meditation>your city. Search for guided meditation apps... anything you feel will get you started. Then start to practice.

"Conscious Contact" to me means I have to consciously make the effort to contact my HP.

I cannot fix a broken tool with a broken tool. I need help to learn and initiative to practice meditation. With some practice I have been able to grasp the Pause the Big Book Talks about on page 87... I like to say that the "The Peace is in the Pause". If I practice changing my mind while mediating, I can practice the Pause more easily when I am "agitated or doubtful". You do not have to wait until you get to Step 11 to start practicing meditation. In AA we focus a lot on prayer - but meditation is in there for a reason. Prayer is talking and mediation is listening. One cannot Hear if one's brain and soul are busy as a bee hive. Any slowness you can get during practice WILL reap results. But you have to DO it.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby tomsteve » Sat May 12, 2018 11:39 am

most definately more can be said.
worry is a form of fear.
we have steps to address that. :)
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby Greywolf » Sat May 12, 2018 6:48 pm

Brock wrote:Very often I hear members ‘complaining’ in meetings, that worrying is the major thing affecting their happiness. The only advise given seems to be improve your spiritual life, trust more in God. Is there anything more that we might say to help someone suffering from worry?

Thanks for a great topic for discussion.

The question, "What step are you on?" is a great place to get the "complainer" on the right track. Focuses the mind on something besides the complaint or worry and onto the path to recovery.

Complaints about worry by folks who have been around are usually preceded by some story about the current worry along with some version of a complaint about it costing them happiness. Worriers haven't learned how to dissipate worry because they haven't tried. Too much info on handling worry to have missed it. Paige puts it this way, "A good mix of education and practice seem to be a foundation for all of the genres I have tried out."
I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun May 13, 2018 4:57 am

Letting go and relying on our HP is one way of doing it and the other is being observant of the mind and disassociating from it as Eckhart Tolle puts it is another way. Fear, for me will be there as long as I live, I have to find a tool that works for me. Identification with the mind the other way he puts it made sense. Like the other gentleman who posted "committee in the head", Tolle talks about stepping away from the drama, like we watch a movie and after that we just walk away from the theaters. Our mind is the worst critic, we don't need anybody else. Thats why the book also says resentment the number one killer and fear too.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Mon May 14, 2018 4:00 am

In earliest recovery a certain amount of worry, oftenna great amount, is a necessary symptom. At least it was for me. I had been wrong about so many things how could I trust my instincts and judgement now?

I had lost a great many people, things dignity and position. Would I ever get them back?

Then I helped another alcoholic. Really and truly helped, not just deigned to spend an hour a week as sponsor or coffee shop friend, but really a truly helped in a deep meaningful way. I made a sort of emergency 12th step call, not to a bar but to an ally helpfing a relapsed alcoholic who had been evicted from halfway a few nights before.

Long story, but she was young pretty and very very vulnerable and a few more nights on the street might have led to decades of nightmare.

Yes
I was (had been) worried alright. Worried about me. Would I ever get this? Will I ever get that? Am I making the right decisions to get more stuff and more people? Will God send me a soul mate?

Me me me me me. I was worried alright, worried about me. 72 hours pulling out all the stops to help that woman and suddenly it was all different.

The pink cloud is beautiful. 72.hours of worrying about her, and what she gets instead of me and what I get and suddenly everything had changed.

That was a year ago. Now I don't worry am I getting enough, tho sometimes I worry if I am doing enough.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Mon May 14, 2018 4:20 am

No longer am I the end all be all reason for God's existence. He does not exist to help me and serve me and cater to my wants and wishes.

He did not make me because He needs someones else to be the recipient of His aid so I should stop worrying if He is going to give me enough, if He is going to do enough for me.

Isaiah 58:10 et seq.
If you bestow your bread on the hungry
and satisfy the afflicted;
Then light shall rise for you in the darkness, and the gloom shall become for you like midday;


In Mel Gibson's 2000 film "The Patriot" two armed black men are marching down a road as part of a column of American troops on the way to fight the British.

One says to the other "My massa says if I fight this fight, and we win, then he's gonna set me free!"

The other man responds "Boy? What you gonna do with your freedom?"
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby Brock » Mon May 14, 2018 11:01 am

I like 1Peter’s reminder that thinking about and helping others takes our mind off our own troubles, Paige spoke of meditation and avaneesh about Eckhart Tolle’s teaching, something which I depend on and keeps my mind in the present, all good stuff. Trouble I find in meetings when someone speaks about a problem like this, is that they are not always receptive to these sorts of solutions, maybe looking for an easier way.

One very nice lady in particular, thinks about others to the point of that’s her main cause of worry, although most of it seems to be about her kids. Says they are doing well but still worries about them, maybe that’s just what parents do. For me there’s a lot of wisdom in simply learning to trust my higher power more each passing day, if we are helping others that’s Gods work, meditating on love as Paige says, well God is love, Tolle’s teaching assists greatly in controlling the ego, also an instruction written in every spiritual tradition. It all boils down to spiritual progress, and perhaps worry is a sign that we need work in that direction.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Tue May 15, 2018 4:23 am

Brock wrote:.
.
.
One very nice lady in particular, thinks about others to the point of that’s her main cause of worry, although most of it seems to be about her kids. . . . . It all boils down to spiritual progress, and perhaps worry is a sign that we need work in that direction.

The pet rescue people have some slogan like "who rescued who? (pawprint)."
That was certainly what happened in my case. Seventy-two hours of drop everything and help another out of a burning building was an absolute Godsend in my early recovery.

A person such as you describe above might be a garden variety worry wort (read story of "Jim" page 34), or might, on some level, have control issues and worry about everything she does not completely control.

I have not yet read the part of the Big Book where I am supposed to tell someone what her character flaws are, but there is nothing wrong with gently suggesting "well you might want to consider these things and decide for yourself," (through prayer and meditation of course.)

I tend to cram too much into a single post, so I'll leave it there for now.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby Blue Moon » Tue May 15, 2018 7:10 am

Brock wrote:Very often I hear members ‘complaining’ in meetings, that worrying is the major thing affecting their happiness. The only advise given seems to be improve your spiritual life, trust more in God. Is there anything more that we might say to help someone suffering from worry?


Go do something else.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby Spirit Flower » Tue May 15, 2018 9:39 am

False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR).
...a score card reading zero...
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby positrac » Thu May 17, 2018 4:14 am

Spirit Flower wrote:False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR).

Indeed!^^^^^^
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby PaigeB » Thu May 17, 2018 2:23 pm

Page 84 BB: Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.
When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
Love and tolerance of others is our code.
A couple of things here...

We ask God at once... pray immediately - not get removal immediately. People like me get this backwards, lol.
and
Turn our thoughts... not go out now and help - think of someone who needs help. I am a late night person and cannot just go find someone, or even call someone, to help at 3am! But I can turn my thoughts to them.
and
Love and tolerance of others is our code... Define code: It is a "law" for our new way of living. A Law like gravity is a Law. Like "Thou shalt not kill" is a Law in more ways than one.

When I am worried or in fear I can practice Step 10.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Worry and Fear.

Postby Tosh » Sun May 20, 2018 1:37 pm

Spirit Flower wrote:False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR).


I like the F+++ Everything And Run acronym better. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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