Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

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Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

Postby katiea044 » Tue Apr 17, 2018 4:53 pm

Hi, my uncle is an alcoholic, he got taken into hospital 7 moths ago with pancreaitis . The doctors told him if he had another drink it would kill him, So he stopped drinking for a good 6 months.

He went through a divorce about 6 years ago where she took everything from him forcing him to move in with his parents, which he hates and is the reason he goes out to the pub all the time, he would waste all of his money, get paralysed drunk every night and has nothing to show for his life. He is a shy self-contained person and has no friends, our family tries to support him as much as they can but he gets angry and shuts people out as he hates opening up and admitting he has a problem.

The past 6 months were great for him, although he was still going to the pub he was drinking J2O's as the doctors scared him saying he would die. His personality changed, he looked well and was happy. He had money to take his son out and buy christmas presents for the family making him feel like a man again taking responsibility in his life.

However, this past month he has started drinking heavily again and I'm fearful he is going to die. With him living with my grandparents and not having a partner or any friends he feels there is nothing else to do in life and escapes by going to work alone all day and the pub all night. He refuses to go to AA meetings or counselling because he is "too proud" and he is a shy person. He won't join a gym because he's not fit, he doesn't like doing social activates unless he is drunk. Its such a shame because he is such a loving and caring man with good intentions and all he needs is a friend or a woman to give his love to.

I was just wondering if there are any other kinds of support in which he can meet other people that will understand and help him because he is such a lost soul, without being in such an awkward environment.

Any help or advice would be hugely appreciated as i fear things are going downhill and fast.
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Re: Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

Postby Brock » Tue Apr 17, 2018 7:39 pm

He is lucky to have a loving niece like yourself.

I am afraid there really is not much you can do in a situation like this, many of us here were in a similar position to your uncle, doctors warnings and we manage to stop for a while but always go back to it, our literature describes alcoholism as ‘cunning baffling and powerful,’ we found the solution in AA mainly because it introduced us to a power greater than ourselves, which gave us the strength and restored us to sanity. But only after deciding for ourselves that we wanted to recover, did we seek the help.

The thing is AA meetings really aren’t something even a shy person would mind going to, there is no sort of social pressure or anything embarrassing, but people who haven’t been don’t know or believe that, and we get quite a few alcoholics here that we need to encourage before they will try a meeting.

Often family members like yourself benefit by attending a meeting of Al-Anon, it’s like AA for family, and you may get better ideas on a possible way forward through them. It can be found by Googling Al-Anon followed by your cities name.

I don’t think you will find anything less ‘scary’ than AA for him to attend, unless he was willing to check into a rehab and his job could give him the time off, which most companies are very willing to do. I am afraid the bottom line, is basically that until the person decides for themselves that they need help, well meaning friends and family usually have little influence in helping them.

I wish both yourself and your uncle the very best.
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Re: Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

Postby Blue Moon » Wed Apr 18, 2018 3:06 am

If he won't go to AA or take any other actions, there's nothing that AA can offer. Perhaps you could talk to someone in your area about an intervention. An internet search for that might reveal some options. Sounds like he needs that, then detox treatment, then AA can help if he wants to live a sober life after that point.

Meanwhile, you may benefit from Alanon in your area.
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Re: Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

Postby Spirit Flower » Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:04 am

I was just wondering if there are any other kinds of support in which he can meet other people that will understand and help him because he is such a lost soul, without being in such an awkward environment.


We get this all the time from people "too proud" for AA. AA is freaking wonderful and filled with people who understand. It is heaven, especially if you live in a city where there are many meetings. But any way, Blue Moon and Brock are right. AA is for people that want it. The way someone like your uncle could be attracted is by an individual 12 step call from an AA member who he could relate too. That is how it was originally done. One guy talked to another guy and the second guy wanted what the first guy had. You can set up such a situation by contacting the local AA Intergroup office (hope they call it that in UK).
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Re: Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

Postby JungianRecovery » Sun Apr 22, 2018 9:23 am

You're a good person for wanting to help your uncle. But I would humbly suggest you attend an Al-Anon meeting if you truly want to help someone.
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Re: Friend or support for alcoholic uncle

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Tue Apr 24, 2018 6:51 am

For a lot of people the bottom comes when they mess up at home or at work, and are given an ultimatum, typically "go to treatment," 30 days) treatment then prescribes 90 days in a sober living house whil attending work AND intensive outpatient therapy.

AA takes no position on any specific treatment program nor on treatment programs in general. But I can tell you some of them work and none of them would have worked for me until I admitted
1a I am a real alcoholic and
1b I will never be able to get sober doing things my way.

I could make neither admission until I hit a terrible bottom and was already in treatment to avoid homelessness.

Sadly, people with health problems and/or with enablers turning the other cheek when the alcholic becomes a burden, will sometimes die before getting help.

The path I have described is a difficult one. We alcoholics have an endless capacity to say "this is not the right way for ME to get sober. I KNOW what will work for me," or "I'm not really an alcoholic. Everyone around me is just a prude," and then reach lower and lower bottoms.

I wish you and your family well.
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