Relationship

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Relationship

Postby sisirsaon » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:54 am

I have a gut telling me he's having a crush on somebody what do I do?
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Re: Relationship

Postby Brock » Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:15 am

I guess you are talking about your boyfriend who is in AA, and I believe there is nothing you can do since it’s just a hunch. But please keep in mind that people’s personalities can change a little in recovery, we even recommend no new relationships in the first year.

Thanks for the question, and I hope things work out well for you both.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Relationship

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:16 pm

I've got about 18 months and am most familiar with low bottom drunks and addicts who get estranged from their families, and friends shipped off to treatment, and spend 6 mos to a year living in halfways. (Tends to happen to homeless, friendless, family-less drunks.)

Of the dozen or so who started affairs in early recovery the relapsr rate was 100%.

Most relationships among sober people living normal lives don't work out.

Even if that were not so, low bottom drunks, like those I have described, who are so self-willed, self-seeking, and egotistical that they are above taking suggestion and above staying on the tried-and-true path, simply don't have tge desperation or humility to turn their will over to anyone but themselves.

Kiss your friend good-bye and pray for him.
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Re: Relationship

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Feb 18, 2018 10:35 am

Without more info, I couldn't even speculate on an answer, except in a very general sense.

If you're newly-sober, it may be your insecurities overwhelming you. It took me a while to learn which fears were right or wrong.

If he's newly-sober, perhaps he's figuring out that the first relationship we need to work on is with self.

Either way, there certainly is a trust issue to be worked beyond.
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Re: Relationship

Postby sisirsaon » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:33 am

Tell me Few Things He Subconsciously Does In A Relationship That Prove His Worth.
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Re: Relationship

Postby Brock » Fri Mar 02, 2018 12:11 pm

Tell me Few Things He Subconsciously Does In A Relationship That Prove His Worth.

This is not an easy question, it depends partly on what you are looking for in a relationship. What I can say is that the AA program, encourages us to look out for certain behaviors we had while drinking, and to try to correct these. Probably the main ones are selfishness and self contentedness, things like honesty come up as well.

I also like to keep in mind that nobody’s perfect, there’s a book called “The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough,” I like to recommend that to ladies, since it worked well for a lady in AA who spoke about it.
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Re: Relationship

Postby kaosxtech » Fri Mar 02, 2018 12:56 pm

I am sorry you are having troubling thoughts. (stinking thinking)
I wish the program said we would never get hurt again. Relationships mean putting yourself out there. I know first I would pray to have the character defect of jealousy removed. Then I would talk to my sponsor about how I feel. I am not a relationship expert by any means (I have been single and not dated for 8 years because I dont trust myself to be good for another person), but I think you should maybe talk to your sponsor about expressing your honest feelings towards your partner. Maybe words like, " We are in a relationship and so I trust you(dont lie if this is not how you feel then say I am having trouble with trust right now), however, I want to change having these feelings. What can I do to help myself to not have these feelings."
Like I said I am not a relationship expert so I dont know if this is good advice. Finding someone who has had a long term relationship that is in AA to talk to would be my better advice.
Hope it works out for you
Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 62)
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Re: Relationship

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Mar 04, 2018 8:04 pm

I don't normally like quoting AA circuit-speakers, but ....

R - Really
E- Exciting
L- Love
A- Affair
T - Turns
I - Into
O - Outrageous
N - Nightmare;
S - Sobriety
H - Hangs
I - In
P - Peril

Maybe it's time for you to work on you :)
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Re: Relationship

Postby LivingInTheTruth » Mon Mar 05, 2018 7:56 am

Always trust your gut, darlin.
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