Complicating Quiting Again

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Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 03sonicstang » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:21 am

Good morning everyone.

Hard to start this story again, but just need some advice and/or reassurance that my thought process is correct. I know this ultimately is my decision, but its always really nice to hear from others that have gone through, or going through the same thing!

I'm an addict, better yet, a functioning alcoholic. I'm 42, happily married with 3 beautiful daughters. Approximately 3 years ago, I took my first major dry spell after drinking for 20 plus years, some years heavier than others. I made that decision based on a snowmobile accident that almost took my life. After that accident i kept drinking for about 1-2 weeks VERY Heavily then just up a quit. Was one of the hardiest things I ever done. Stayed sober for about 7 months. Felt like a complete outcast in every aspect of my life. Family and friend tiptoed around me and my drinking. Now looking back, that was my fault as I declared to the world, "I'm an alcoholic and I'm quitting." Should have just stayed quiet and worked the steps. Went to a couple of meetings, hated going and being there, again just felt like an outcast. When to therapy (still going btw), exercised, ate well, etc

Fast forward, 7 months in to my sobriety, I was at a neighborhood block party and just felt completely out of place. Wanted a drink more than anything in the world that day. Sun was shining and the beer was flowing for everyone, but me. So I said, I can have a couple and that's when I fell back off the wagon. Ended up drinking about 12 beers that day and night and stayed up to about 2ish! ALL I wish is, I would have left that party and drove my Mustang instead of drinking. Want to take that day back a lot lately. So now, I'm right back to where I started.... depressed, anxious, drinking and wishing I could be different

What's killing me is I'm sneaking booze again. Drinking inappropriately (day-drinking, pre drinking before parties, drinking slightly buzzed, etc) . Never had a DUI, but feel i'm on borrowed time. I spend days thinking about alcohol, should I quit, what happened last weekend, why I'm I so depressed, is life always going to be this way, should I just end it, ......all thoughts racing through my head. Especially on Mondays/Tuesdays. I've been having benders typically starting Thursday and would span to Sunday. I workout 5-6 days a week to counteract my alcohol filled weekends. I'm known in my group of friends to be the heavy drinking and love to party. I don't like me anymore. I don't like the way I'm probably seen though the eyes of my children. I've tried just quitting the Hard stuff, went when for like a week. Superbowl Sunday hit and so did I with Beer, Vodka and Whiskey, maybe some wine thrown in there....don't remember.

Whats funny, friends and family pretty much always say I was good the night before; not out of place and controlled. Sometimes I get a little crap from my wife, but as a norm, others don't see me as a problem drinker. Which just reaffirms, I'm good, keep drinking. But I feel terrible about me and myself.... just hate the idea of quitting again and feeling like an outcast! Not to mention, I've not hit rock bottom again,....really don't want to do that either! This is why I'm writing here right now. I hoping someone, anyone, can share their thoughts. Need others that have gone through it and opinions on sobriety for my again

Thanks for reading
Tom
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:47 am

Hi Tom, all I can tell you for sure is how it worked for me.

You write things like "this ultimately is my decision,"
and
"I spend days thinking about alcohol, should I quit,"
and
"I feel terrible about me and myself.... just hate the idea of quitting again."

Those ideas are completely foreign to whatI had to go through. Your post makes it sound like you csn quit if you just want to badly enough,
like, you can quit now, fail and quit again later.

In my case, admit powerless meant admit pomwerless. I could not simply choose to quit, unquit and quit again knowing I would finally 'get it' sooner or later.

If you find yourself where I was, really really knowing that you are powerless and you will never stop on your own, THEN the steps provide a way out.

That's how it worked for me.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby Brock » Tue Feb 06, 2018 11:35 am

Hi Tom and welcome here, forgive me if in replying I pick out words from your post and quote them, it’s just to cover areas I relate to. I see this fellow 1Peter did something similar, I don’t entirely agree with his points, but respect all opinions here.
Should have just stayed quiet and worked the steps. Went to a couple of meetings, hated going and being there, again just felt like an outcast.

I have been in and out of AA I think three times over the last thirty or so years, my wife would say it’s more times than that. Never fit in, those people aren’t like me etc etc, hated the meetings. Finally flat on my backside went back again a bit over eight years ago, and did what you say you should have done -”worked the steps.” A new world opened and meetings became optional, although I have come to enjoy a couple of them. I think the main change I made was trying to listen to the similarities in the stories they gave, rather than the differences I was concentrating on previously. Another thing is the lucky ones who live in areas with several meetings can pick and choose, because they tend to vary a fair bit one to the other, find where you are most comfortable sort of thing. Some meetings as well I am afraid, seem little more than group therapy where folks spill out their problems, avoid those like the plague. A fellow partly responsible for putting me on the right track in that regard is an AA speaker Chris R, if you go to you tube and enter his name, you will hear a no nonsense account of how this program should be done, and how meetings are unfortunately often off track.
I don't like me anymore.

That was the major motivator for me as well, I went pretty far down with the ‘last rock bottom.’ I took a keen interest when I heard someone say that stopping drinking was just a small part of what we do the program for, that we treat the reasons that had us reaching for a drink, the uncomfortable feeling which could be relieved so easily with a few drinks. It’s come true for me, I feel comfortable in most situations which would previously have had me dying for a drink, maybe not in a rowdy block party, I may go to such things but soon get bored when others get drunk, although I laugh at remembering I acted like they are. You will come to not just like, but love yourself, some say comfortable in your own skin.

Also on you tube if you enter ‘big book study,’ some interesting stuff is there, you can get a book and follow along, most meetings sell the various literature or sometimes give it away. I will put links to some because it’s all available online as well. Please feel at home here, we enjoy this type of ‘meeting,’ and it helps us in a way as well.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 03sonicstang » Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:06 pm

Thank you for both of your replies and I love you guys quoting me, I do appreciate it. Ive read about half of the big black book. Coincidentally, I was given the book at my first AA meeting. Might go back and repay the favor a drop 20 bucks into the jar! I'm going to pull it of my night stand and go through the step again, as I cannot currently remember all them all.

man, what I would give right now to be comfortable in my own skin. Trying to get back there, but seems to be an endless search. Whats got me thinking is how would I function with alcohol in my life. Going to Chicago this weekend, spring break, etc? How am I going to bowl, LOL? Last time I quit, just wanted to seclude myself, which wasn't health either.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 03sonicstang » Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:13 pm

Answered 9 out of the 12 "yes". Feel like quitting might be the best choice for me.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby PaigeB » Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:58 pm

The Fact that I have a disease (or dis-ease) is not a choice. I don't get to chose if I am alcoholic.

I DO get to chose how I treat it. From page 25 of our book:
If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.

Half measures are still hopeless. Don't let your brain fool you. There IS help at a meeting near you.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 03sonicstang » Tue Feb 06, 2018 5:14 pm

Thanks everyone. My Brain has been tricking me for years and I’ve alwya thought it was under control. Again funny thing is no one really notices I’m drunk or drinking too much. In fact at school pick up today I had a conversation with a mom that was at my super bowl party and I was saying how hungover i was the next day. Now keep in mind she doesn’t drink at all, stne sober, not because a she’s an alcoholic, just because she chooses to. She said, what really? You didn’t drink that much at all and weren’t even drunk. I laughed and they left pretty late and I was well on my way.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 1Peter5:10 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:46 pm

The book begins with some words by Dr. Silkworth, a man who successfully treated many alcoholics.
    Without God.
    Without the steps.
    Without the Book.
    Without sponsors, meetings, moral inventories etc. etc.
But some of his patients were unreachable by medical means. He called them "hopeless cases," and found they needed a "spiritual awakening," such as AA helps us find.

Those hopeless cases, myself included, cannot be cured and cannot be successfully treated by medical means.

A few pages later we learn that Psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung had ALSO successfully treated numerous alcolohics, using psychiatry, without God, without the steps, without meetings and sponsors and inventories and amends etc. etc..

He also found some people were untreatable.
He too named them "hopeless cases" and found their alcoholism could successfully be treated ONLY if they had a "Psychic Change," such as AA helps us find.

Those hopeless cases, myself included, cannot be cured and cannot be successfully treated by psychological means.

But those methods could not help me. (I tried them,) and those methods could not help Bill Wilson, (he tried them.)

Our literature does not shy away from mentioning such "lesser" cases (my term). It does not deny that such cases exist. We do not call Dr. Silkworth a "crack," and we do not call Dr. Jung a "fraud."

The Big Book repeatedly uses phrases such as "If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were," and "alcoholics of our type."

I am going to make a suggestion.
I want you to read Chapter 3 (it's only 14 pages) today, and I want you to read it again tomorrow.
Note on page 30, "alcoholics of our type," and similar discussion throughout the chapter.

Aftet reading that and considering it, if you decide that you are an alcoholic of our type, really really as seriously alcoholic as we were, (and only you can decide that), then I BEG OF YOU to stop with the "one day I'm gonna" ideas and treat this as seriously as if there were a gunman plotting to kidnap your family.

IF you are as seriously alcoholic as I am, pull out all the stops. No delay, no excuses, no "I'll go in and out and eventually do it for good."

I put my family at risk, to pursue my pleasure and my comfort and do things according to my comfortable timeline. I am a selfish bastard. It turned out badly for them and today they don't speak to me.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 03sonicstang » Wed Feb 07, 2018 3:06 pm

THank you for your kind words and I'll re-read that chapter tonight. That's the problem for me, just don't know if I'm that kind of alcoholic. I've been down a deep path, but got out and feel kind of OK with my drinking.....I dont really know.

I have my normal therapy tomorrow so that's always a good thing.

Again thanks for your response!
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 3:24 pm

I think the key is to realize the insanity that precedes the first drink. You don't want to yet you pick up.

Looking at Jim the car salesman story, you will see how the thought just suddenly hits him that "if only he could mix whiskey with milk and take it on a full stomach it wont hurt". And then there was no excuse for Jeff at all. The story says he had a successful day, not a cloud on the horizon. Then again his mind said "he will just have a couple".
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby 03sonicstang » Wed Feb 07, 2018 3:35 pm

Interesting. I need to go out with customers tonight for dinner thus will have a couple of beers. My mind is saying to start drinking now, but I'm refraining. We'll see how this goes

Thanks again for the words and suggestions to help aid me in this process.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby Spirit Flower » Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:21 pm

When I was new, and didn't think I was exactly like the "real alcoholic" discussed in the book. I was able to use one of the stories in the back of the book to realize I was "an alcoholic of sorts." Also, the other members told me that I was an alcoholic if I said I was. Thats all.
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby avaneesh912 » Thu Feb 08, 2018 6:56 am

Alcoholics no matter what, whatever reasons not to drink, will be pushed aside and will take a drink. Then setting in motion of more drinks and terrible consequences. But prior to that, they will be blind-sighted. Consequences will never come to the forefront. All they will be focused on is that temporary relief they get by drinking one or two drinks. It takes several attempts to moderate, and then to stay stopped to come to this realization. Until then no good alcoholic would ever believe that he/she is an alcoholic. Thats the tragedy.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby Roberth » Thu Feb 08, 2018 12:12 pm

Hello Tom and welcome to E-AA. Name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Personally I like being simple. We are not here to convince you whether or not you should drink, that is up to you. So here it is Do you want to stop drinking? There is nothing complicated about it, it's a simple yes or no. If the answer is yes we can help, if it no we will be here if you change your mind. Plain and simple…..
Our third tradition states “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.”
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Re: Complicating Quiting Again

Postby PaigeB » Thu Feb 08, 2018 2:24 pm

03sonicstang wrote:... the problem for me, just don't know if I'm that kind of alcoholic. I've been down a deep path, but got out and feel kind of OK with my drinking.....I dont really know.

ok... ask deep in your inner-most self about this, from BB The Doctor's Opinion, p.xxviii
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker.

Never is a pretty strong word. The good Doctor uses it a few times in that paragraph.
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigb ... pinion.pdf
Look it up and ponder on it a bit. Remember - we are talking about the fact that it NEVER has occurred...

I hope you don't have to suffer losing it all (including your life or the lives of others) to come to a fuller understanding of the condition of alcoholism.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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