Walking out of a meeting

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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Chelle » Wed Jan 24, 2018 2:49 pm

Hi Ross,

Whatever you are doing, it's working. You haven't had a drink in 8 months! The steps are a suggestion and are encouraged. We have many old timers around that talk about working the steps but never say how they apply them to their lives. It's ok with me, if it's ok with them. They just aren't qualified to sponsor anyone. Kinda hard to take somebody through something that they haven't been through themselves. It's ok if you don't want to sponsor anyone too. There are no rules.

If you came here looking for an excuse to stop attending meetings, you didn't need to do that. It's totally up to you. But why would you stop doing something that works?
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Roberth » Wed Jan 24, 2018 3:55 pm

Hello Ross and welcome to AA. my name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. You didn't get anything out of doing the right thing? I can heard my sponsor's voice, He would said "what do you means you didn't get anything out of it.....if you didn't have to take a drink. then got something out of it."

all those things that happen to you would of happened anyways. it's how you will react to them is what sobriety has to offer..........and some days just not drinking that day has to be enough........
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Db1105 » Wed Jan 24, 2018 4:14 pm

DesignatedDriver wrote:Hi, i’m Ross, I’m an alcoholic.

I’ve been one of the lucky ones, I went to my first meeting in May 2017, kept going back, haven’t picked up a drink since and never want to again. I’ve never done any steps, I’ve never read the Big Book, I’ve managed to stay sober simply by attending meetings, sharing and listening.

I had a pretty rough day today. Found out that my employer is going to buy new software that does my job so there is a possibility I might be made redundant. Girlfriend is ill and not really talking to me. My washing machine broke down and flooded my kitchen. Now these are all first world problems, nobody is going to die. But I could sense that I was starting to feel a bit hard done by and I know that can lead to anger and resentment which is dangerous territory for my recovery. So I decided to go to a meeting (I never normally go to meetings on a Tuesday evening).

The meeting wasn’t advertised as a Big Book meeting but it was explained to me on arrival that that’s what it was. I just kind of went along with it but after about 20 minutes of sitting there listening to people talking about things that are completely alien to me I eventually just stood up, said “sorry, this isn’t for me”, and walked out.

Now, it was absolutely the right thing to do because I didn’t know what people were talking about, I was getting nothing out of it, and me sitting there totally confused was contributing nothing to the meeting, so walking out was the only sensible course of action in that instance for everybody’s sake. I’ve got my home meeting on Wednesday evening and I know I can stay sober until then.

But I guess it does leave a lingering sense of frustration. Does anybody else have any experience of walking out of a meeting? And what were your feelings about it afterwards?



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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby D'oh » Wed Jan 24, 2018 7:41 pm

DesignatedDriver wrote:
Layne wrote:
Cool. I'll stop going then. I don't want to be responsible for screwing up somebody else's recovery. Thanks for letting me know :D

I am hoping this is said in jest. Each individual's recovery is up to the choices that they make. The responsibility cannot be laid at the feet of other people. Make wise choices for yourself.


No, if I go to a meeting and tell people that I got sober without the steps then that could endanger their recovery. I can’t have that on my conscience. It’s time for me and AA to go our separate ways.

A "Death by Cop" kind of thing?

AA, will survive without Me, the problem is the Hell I had to go through to prove that I cannot survive without AA.
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby positrac » Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:51 pm

Ross,
Wow you are at a crossroads in your life and I guess you have to make a choice of "will power" or trusting the steps and surrendering to being totally powerless. Alcohol is a mere symptom of our disease.

I've walked out of meetings over the years and normally it is about me and my resistance to the issues at hand and or personalities over principles <------- tradition principles over personalities.

Ross I believe if we don't want to repeat our past then we may want what they have in the rooms and honestly try to surrender.

Life on Life's terms whether I understand it or not is all I know.

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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby DesignatedDriver » Fri Jan 26, 2018 6:34 am

Brock wrote:Nobody can keep you out of AA, you are a member if you say you are. In two long posts, the second being approximately eight hundred words, it’s a pity if you latch on to the last few words as a reason to stay away.

I hoped to get you thinking more about doing the AA program, which is the reason AA groups exist, and yes those last words were rough, but not intended to discourage attendance. I did however intend to discourage you saying in front of newcomers, that you have been sober eight months, and see no need for the big book or the steps.


No worries chief. You just came across as a sociopathic maniac, that’s all. Maybe it was me that got the wrong end of the stick though! :D

The last few days have been a real eye-opener for me. I think I’ll always be grateful to the people in AA who helped me get sober but in places like this site I’ve been exposed to a darker more sinister manipulative side of AA that is unpalatable to me. I also appreciate that a lot of people in AA get a lot of positive experience out of it and I don’t want my new-found disdain for what I perceive to be the more malign influences within AA to derail that.

Thank you all, but I’m escaping :D
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Brock » Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:26 am

I suppose I've been called worse than “sociopathic maniac” in the past. And if trying to ensure that newcomers reading sites like this, or those at AA meetings, do not get the impression that they don’t need the Big Book or steps, then it’s a small price to pay.

Apart from my own negative comments, ten others responded to your posts in a kindhearted way, some more than once. If from the actions of one person in ten, you can decide that AA has “a darker more sinister manipulative side,” that is unfortunate and unfair.

In retrospect, I realize I could have chosen kinder words, and for the harshness of my comments I apologize. But please understand, I owe my life to AA, something I almost lost by trying the easier softer way our literature warns against, and have seen others die, who thought the steps and book unnecessary. Therefore when we have an opening statement like this, from someone eight months sober -
I’ve been one of the lucky ones, I went to my first meeting in May 2017, kept going back, haven’t picked up a drink since and never want to again. I’ve never done any steps, I’ve never read the Big Book, I’ve managed to stay sober simply by attending meetings, sharing and listening.

I felt and will likely always feel, that whether live or online, AA members have a right and a duty, to clearly state that this approach is not what AA recommends. How the book suggests we work with newcomers is this -   “Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the Twelve steps of the program of recovery.” - That’s before he even attends a meeting, and I don’t think we need to return to that strict approach, but also don’t think others should get upset, when we point out that their own approach is the opposite.
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Layne » Fri Jan 26, 2018 9:55 am

Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. On your first visit tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book.Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he likes. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once. And you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.

If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more.

If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.

If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that.
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun Jan 28, 2018 7:42 am

The meeting wasn’t advertised as a Big Book meeting but it was explained to me on arrival that that’s what it was. I just kind of went along with it but after about 20 minutes of sitting there listening to people talking about things that are completely alien to me I eventually just stood up, said “sorry, this isn’t for me”, and walked out.


I have thought about this several times and find it astonishing. Why wouldn't the response to confusion be: maybe I will read the book so I know what these people are talking about. See, AA meetings are good because the people there have done the work of the steps, read the books, talk about the information. Otherwise, it is just a group discussion with no substance. And group discussions are not what keeps us sober. Yes, some people only go to meetings and never do the steps and do stay sober on fellowship. But if most of the people did that, the meetings would have no substance.


so, the OP maybe doesn't want what we have and is not willing to go to any lengths to get it. His chances are less than average.
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:28 am

His chances are less than average.


No thats not the case. There are several who swear that AA helped them. For them, listening and sharing is therapeutic. They have not progressed into a full blown alcoholics like others. You could see that happening every where. The real alcoholics have to find it the hard way. Have to relapse few more times before they realize, if they are lucky, that the real recovery lies in working the 12 steps.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby clouds » Sun Jan 28, 2018 8:50 am

The idea of someone progressing into a real alcoholic seems strange to me probably because I was unable to control my drinking from the very start and I began to drink almost every day from the start. Black outs and benders were also what I experinced from the start and I started young, 16 years old. Its not that I doubt someone could be a 'not yet real alcoholic' and be in a stage of progression toward 'real alcoholism' but its just that I can't see a progressing 'but not yet real alcohoholic' would be at all interested in taking time and effort to attend AA meetings, much less take the time and effort to do the 12 steps of recovery as suggested in the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous'. I absolutely could not have recovered without beginning to do the steps within the first weeks of staying dry and going to lots of AA meetings. I wonder if OP has not got some ground on steps one and two and perhaps doesn't realize it because no one is talking about sobriety as it relates to using the steps in living a sober life at the meetings they attended.
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Service » Sat Feb 03, 2018 11:50 am

Ross,
There is one quality which is pre-eminently necessary to spiritual development, the quality of discrimination.

A man’s spiritual progress will be painfully slow and uncertain until there opens with him the eye of discrimination, for without this testing, proving, searching quality, he will but grope in the dark, will be unable to distinguish the real from the unreal, the shadow from the substance, and will so confuse the false with the true as to mistake the inward promptings of his animal nature for those of the spirit of Truth.
You are showing me simply A.A is really an inside job ! =biggrin
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby tblue818 » Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:14 pm

Service wrote:Ross,
There is one quality which is pre-eminently necessary to spiritual development, the quality of discrimination.

A man’s spiritual progress will be painfully slow and uncertain until there opens with him the eye of discrimination, for without this testing, proving, searching quality, he will but grope in the dark, will be unable to distinguish the real from the unreal, the shadow from the substance, and will so confuse the false with the true as to mistake the inward promptings of his animal nature for those of the spirit of Truth.
You are showing me simply A.A is really an inside job ! =biggrin


Hi, Service ~

Would you happen to have some personal experience with the material you quoted? :)

The whole article is 'Discrimination' - from James Allen's book, Above Life's Turmoil, 1910. Can't post the link to the article, but the first line brings up just that article on Google.

Also found this site of interest:

A.A. Big Book and 12 Step Sources
Identifying the Roots and the References

Dick B.

Summary of the Identifiable Sources

My materials which have covered in much detail the six major Bible sources will be referenced in this article. Those which cover the other sources will refer to my own limited writings, to other studies, and to the areas where further research and writing are appropriate and very much needed.

The identifiable sources, in substantial totality, are:

(6) • Religious literature widely circulated among and read by Pioneer AAs — books, pamphlets, and articles, primarily Christian and Protestant, by such popular authors as Henry Drummond, Oswald Chambers, Glenn Clark, E. Stanley Jones, Charles Sheldon, Harry Emerson Fosdick, Emmet Fox, James Allen, Harold Begbie, Samuel Shoemaker, Victor Kitchen, Stephen Foot, and A. J. Russell. Also, daily devotionals such as The Upper Room, My Utmost for His Highest, The Runner’s Bible, The Meaning of Prayer, Victorious Living, Practicing the Presence of God, and the Imitation of Christ.
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Service » Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:57 am

ROSS - Back at ya, Carefully reread the statement discrimination has to do with self discrimination it's not about YOU - Where in the 164 pages of the big book is the word sponsor? please give page number and word not opinion or excuse ? the forums demigods needs to grow skin for A.A is not about agreeing or disagreeing with anyone , it's about sharing - We know only a little see to it your relationship with him (God) is right As him (GOD) in your morning mediation - Thank God I was sick enough to ask him for help rather than tell him what everyone needs as the outside cultured injected -There is only ONE that ONE IS GOD may you find him know
sponsorship system has done -- Have you found the word yet or just your opinion ? - I know this is not in the big book but God is not lost -WE are ! Can tell you been bitten but if we come to give and not get it's a lot harder to get hurt - 38 YEARS OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
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Re: Walking out of a meeting

Postby Brock » Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:28 am

Hello ‘Service.’

I am not sure you understand that it was not Ross who asked the question, because you say - “ROSS - Back at ya, Carefully reread the statement...” It was in fact ‘tblue’ who asked a good question, and mentioned results of a search she had made, with very interesting information.

It is a long time since you last posted on these forums, and you are well remembered for your views critical of sponsorship. I never had a sponsor myself, and actually agree that things like co-dependence is a possible problem to watch for in ‘today’s system.’ What I don’t agree with is the use of words like - “the forums demigods needs to grow skin for A.A is not about agreeing or disagreeing with anyone...”

No moderator here has said a thing against your recent posts, if you attack those here who give of their time so all might enjoy a fruitful discussion, or verbally attack anyone else who posts here, your posting privileges may be negatively affected.
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