loneliness in early sobriety

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loneliness in early sobriety

Postby keith-d » Tue Dec 26, 2017 7:48 pm

I have completely thrown myself back into AA since I got my DWI last week. I hit my 15th meeting since last Thursday (not bragging, just wanting sobriety very badly). I have hooked up with 2 guys who are both early in sobriety. Went to meeting this morning at 730, another one at noon, but not another one until 730 tonight. I found myself very lonely in the hours between my last 2 meetings. I haven't felt loneliness in a long time because I was always drinking and not caring if I was alone. I am job searching so had something to do, but really hated being alone. When I was younger before I started drinking heavily, it never really bothered me. This is a new feeling for me, and am not sure how to deal with it. I am going to bring it up in a meeting tomorrow but like to get as much feedback as I can. Thanks
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby clouds » Wed Dec 27, 2017 4:54 am

I'm sure others will be along to post some of their experiences and share on this good topic. For myself I was more lonely before AA in that I drank alone most of the time. As I found a sponsor and other people in my group to talk to they became the best friends I have ever had. I think that will happen to you also, keep phoning members you feel an affinity with, it does get better, for sure.
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby Spirit Flower » Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:11 am

My first sponser had me make plans whenever I knew I'd have time on my hands. Either calling someone and arranging coffee, helping someone that needed help, walking, painting the rooms of my house.... make plans. don't just sit by the TV and let your mind circle around the thought of a drink.
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby avaneesh912 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:24 am

There are some great workshops on Youtube and other web-sites. Free of cost. Those saved my life. I learned more from them. They kept company for major part of my initial journey.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby Brock » Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:43 am

I also found the speaker tapes at you tube very helpful, and still listen now and then. Apart from the workshops avaneesh mentioned, if you just type in ‘AA speakers,’ you get a wide choice to listen to. Everyone ends up having their favorites, speakers like Sandy B and Bob D are ones I enjoyed and learned from, but the firebrand Chris R was the one who really got me on track. By typing in AA followed by the name of the speaker, you get a choice of their tapes, for workshops type in ‘AA workshops,’ ones like Joe and Charlie have a wide following.
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby PaigeB » Wed Dec 27, 2017 11:59 am

Spirit Flower wrote:My first sponser had me make plans whenever I knew I'd have time on my hands. Either calling someone and arranging coffee, helping someone that needed help, walking, painting the rooms of my house.... make plans. don't just sit by the TV and let your mind circle around the thought of a drink.

I got an appointment book and made sure that I had something scheduled for everyday - ON TOP OF a meeting everyday. I was still working part time and was encouraged to go to a lot of meeting so that I would know where they were and what time ~ which helped me a lot when it came time that I had a mental emergency at noon! Also I wanted to find one I really liked to call my Home Group.

This helped me a lot, but it also helped others because I knew I could tell other new comers where all the meetings were. I don't have to have years of sobriety to "pass it on". In fact, I started almost right away to drive people from the halfway houses and treatment centers to meetings. So the 1 hour meeting became 2 or 3 hours of time every day, counting calls, scheduling & drive time. It kept me very busy!

And I had a new purpose. I sort of had to insinuate myself into service. This thing takes some effort on my part, it isn't handed to me. Like my parents used to say, "It means more to me if I have to work for it." So go get yourself a job washing coffee cups after the meeting!
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby KathyAnne » Wed Dec 27, 2017 1:56 pm

I got hold of the living sober book I found in the meetings it was full of practical advice, keep busy it said.
I had a very clean house for the first 6 months! I had a busy mind always going over old resentments and old hurts but as I did the steps it eventually quitetend down. Some days I still feel lonely and just sit it out, it’s an illusion my disease having a go at me I’m not lonely life is just quieter these days no drama or chaos thanks to this program.
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby Blue Moon » Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:06 am

Just keep busy. Recovery happens outside AA meetings.
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Re: loneliness in early sobriety

Postby BrendaChenowyth » Mon Jan 01, 2018 2:37 pm

Be careful about overdoing things, lest they become a a replacement addiction. It's almost effortless for us.

We are addicted to immediate gratification. When we find something other than alcohol that makes us feel better, we want to do it to excess.

Being away from people for a mere two hours should not produce feelings of loneliness. I think those are feelings of withdrawal because you have adopted the belief that AA meetings make you feel better.. You feel safe there. You NEED them.

The danger of putting too much emphasis on any one thing in early recovery (just meetings, just your sponsor, just staying busy, etc) is that when that one thing either becomes unavailable to you or no longer yields the same results, you experience withdrawal from the feelings it used to give you, and you resent it, blame it, and maybe even relapse just to spite it.

That's what I did last March. Took me 9 months to get my head back above water and keep it there.
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