Ok... so I just found out - not kidding 15 minutes ago, my boss told me... we are doing a company christmas 'lunch' today. Which he and I both know that means, lots of beer (we're in construction... so the laborers getting free beer on the company... well, we know what's happening).... a few problems here... mainly, the only place to hold this is in my office (it's not REALLY an office, mainly just a huge room that I thew my desk in as it's the only spot).... second, most of our employees are family and I used to drink and get rowdy with all of them at one time or another..... third, I'm absolutely buried at work... so while I could probably just bail, I have a few hundred k on the line today (and we're a small company so that's HUGE)....
So I'm irritated as all heck right now, first, that I wasn't told so I could plan accordingly... then at my boss because he knows I'm in AA, so it's frustrating that he'd not warn me at least... and scariest of all I'm irritated that I put myself in AA, cause I know I'm missing out on what would probably be a really fun time..... I am 72 days in today, I still want to drink. I wish I didn't want to, but I still do, it's there every day.... I'm tired...
My mind is going to all the reasons trying to quit is too hard and not worth it... I had a quiet moment where I attempted to pray and 'turn it over' to my Higher Power, but I'm still massively agitated about all this....
Anyways, thanks for allowing me a place to rant, and thanks for reading.