Christmas Party Help

[highcostofliving]

Ok... so I just found out - not kidding 15 minutes ago, my boss told me... we are doing a company christmas 'lunch' today. Which he and I both know that means, lots of beer (we're in construction... so the laborers getting free beer on the company... well, we know what's happening).... a few problems here... mainly, the only place to hold this is in my office (it's not REALLY an office, mainly just a huge room that I thew my desk in as it's the only spot).... second, most of our employees are family and I used to drink and get rowdy with all of them at one time or another..... third, I'm absolutely buried at work... so while I could probably just bail, I have a few hundred k on the line today (and we're a small company so that's HUGE)....

So I'm irritated as all heck right now, first, that I wasn't told so I could plan accordingly... then at my boss because he knows I'm in AA, so it's frustrating that he'd not warn me at least... and scariest of all I'm irritated that I put myself in AA, cause I know I'm missing out on what would probably be a really fun time..... I am 72 days in today, I still want to drink. I wish I didn't want to, but I still do, it's there every day.... I'm tired...

My mind is going to all the reasons trying to quit is too hard and not worth it... I had a quiet moment where I attempted to pray and 'turn it over' to my Higher Power, but I'm still massively agitated about all this....

Anyways, thanks for allowing me a place to rant, and thanks for reading.

[Mike O]

Hi.
It is indeed annoying that this should be suddenly thrust upon you.
Just a thought...can you do the work you need to do from home?

[Brock]

I wish I had a more reassuring answer, but my feeling in this case is sometimes we just have to tough it out, keeping in mind this too will pass. In early sobriety my will was tested on a few occasions, I remember the wedding of my favorite niece where I had a part to play, making a speech and so on. My wife got drunk stuff spilled from her handbag, and the car keys got lost, came very close to the F-it point. But as in all things a few hours later I was asleep, and woke up happy I toughed it out. For yourself getting the much needed work done would be an added bonus, so make an excuse to the guys if they ask why you aren’t sticking around, and try to believe, (because it’s worked for millions), that in the not too distant future when the steps are complete, and we live in the solution, the feeling to drink will disappear.

[highcostofliving]

Thanks guys.... Mike - home is a possible option, I wouldn't be able to get it all done, but I might be able to do enough to keep people happy until after the break....

And thanks for the look into the future Brock! I find it interesting that my sponsor and I just started doing a step on control/unmanagability.... a LOT of my current agitation is due to control (i think)... like if he'd told me about this, I would have set up my schedule different. I knew i'd be here all day today, so I promised customers I would get their work done... had I known I might only be here half a day, I would have told them a different time frame... I take pride in coming through for our customers when I tell them I will...

I plan on 'toughing' it out... I do get my own break, so maybe when it gets a little tough, I can walk away on my break and at least get out of there for an hour or so... maybe they'll be out of there upon my return...

One of my larger issues right now too, is simply the desire, right? I WANT to drink with these guys... so it's very hard right now to find that 'silver lining' so to speak about why I don't want to drink, when reality is that I do.... I know why I shouldn't, I know I'll be hung over, embarassed at my meeting, I have service work tonight, etc... but none of that makes me not WANT to drink, right? It just makes me feel more irritated like I 'can't' drink... if that makes sense......

Anyways, it was an early morning ambush, so hopefully after I get a little time in today and settle down, I'll have a bit of a mindset shift.... but man it sounds fun to be drinking with the boys....

Thanks guys!

[Mike O]

So...how did it go?

[highcostofliving]

Haven't been on here....

I got lucky, what I was working on got delayed, so I was able to bail and just go home.

Thanks for following up though