I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I stop

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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:02 am

She is pushing me to attend AA every day of the week.


Hope she also helps you understand the 12 steps and work them so you can experience the power of the program.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby Brock » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:16 am

If you have got to the stage where you are comfortable enough with the hugging and rubbing, that it doesn't put you off like it did at first, then that’s fine and it may just be your sponsors way. “My sponsor has me using a series of worksheets that I feel make long and complicated work out of a simple thing, but I did agree to do it her way.” Yes as you say her way, and probably she was shown the same way as well, but at least it seems like these sheets have to do with the steps, and as others have said that is what AA is all about.
She is pushing me to attend AA every day of the week.

Frequent meetings are good at the start, another reason to get the steps done, after that you probably will not feel the need for them as often. There are people, and your sponsor may be one, that even after doing the steps attend meetings every day, perhaps they have nothing more exciting to do, and going to meetings will put them in a good place to help others as well. But for the average person as we have discussed here before, meetings are not the solution the steps are, and once these are done you can decide for yourself how often you attend.

You seem to be making progress, which is really nice to see, best of luck.
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby Spirit Flower » Fri Dec 29, 2017 12:05 pm

There is a thing known as co-dependency. Some one "needs" their sponsor should realize their dependency is on the sponsor. Some day, this sponsor will pull away. It will hurt like hell. Then where is the God dependency the steps are supposed to give us?
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby BrendaChenowyth » Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:35 pm

We are not responsible for other people's feelings, EXCEPT that often times our emotions rub off on other people.

Sometimes when we are struggling to find the right way of putting things, that discomfort comes across as irritability, which the person we're speaking to naturally thinks is about them. You're probably afraid of coming across as a Expletive if you're honest with this woman because in the past people have thought you were a Expletive in similar situations. The tension in your voice and body language was perceived as animosity. If you are relaxed and mention something in an offhand way and then move on, it wouldn't sound Expletive.

Edit: Please sub out expletive with catty or mean lol
Last edited by BrendaChenowyth on Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby BrendaChenowyth » Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:47 pm

Your post goes on quite a bit about your appearance and what you perceive others think of you. I relate to you a lot.

In fact, the women who judge you are probably new to AA and still spend an awful lot of time judging themselves. They probably spend very little time thinking about you, they're self-absorbed, we all are in earlier sobriety. If they act as if they dislike you, that's probably how they treat everyone, and like I said, that's a reflection of low self-esteem. It's not about you. In most cases, it's in your head.

I understand not being comfortable with physical contact with people you don't know, especially if you grew up in a family that didn't hug.

Know that the women in these rooms, especially the home group members, want to give you a hug because they love you and are happy to see you.

I know you don't believe me yet, but AA women share such a deep bond, it's the one place I can walk in to and feel at home and totally loved.
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby stella1976 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 5:09 pm

BrendaChenowyth wrote:Your post goes on quite a bit about your appearance and what you perceive others think of you. I relate to you a lot.

In fact, the women who judge you are probably new to AA and still spend an awful lot of time judging themselves. They probably spend very little time thinking about you, they're self-absorbed, we all are in earlier sobriety. If they act as if they dislike you, that's probably how they treat everyone, and like I said, that's a reflection of low self-esteem. It's not about you. In most cases, it's in your head.

I understand not being comfortable with physical contact with people you don't know, especially if you grew up in a family that didn't hug.

Know that the women in these rooms, especially the home group members, want to give you a hug because they love you and are happy to see you.

I know you don't believe me yet, but AA women share such a deep bond, it's the one place I can walk in to and feel at home and totally loved.

I feel like I'm doing so much to try and enjoy recovery and I'm just not...I feel so depressed and basically am feeling all the feelings that drove me to drink in the first place. I feel like I have no reason to be unhappy. I have every reason to smile and be happy. But yet...I'm so miserable.I am working the steps with my sponsor.When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my AA all female group), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps!I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way.I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby Brock » Wed Jan 03, 2018 7:29 pm

I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.

There is nothing wrong with dressing up to feel better, keep working on those steps, the main purpose of the program is a spiritual awakening. When you have that, you will look in the mirror and see something you like and love, even as you get out of bed in the morning, with hair all over the place and no makeup. Very good that you are working on the steps, keep it up.
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby Dee487 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 7:44 am

I know this is an old topic but it has caught my eye, as a woman who is sexy and sober I don't allow anyone to steal my joy. I am not a touchy feely kinda chick, so I have told men and women that, and hugs are not requirement, only the desire not to drink, please don't allow anyone in or out of AA to keep you from getting sober and staying sober. We need you in the drenches, to stand next to each other on the path... Our path is huge....
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby BrendaChenowyth » Sat Jan 06, 2018 9:06 am

stella1976 wrote:
BrendaChenowyth wrote:Your post goes on quite a bit about your appearance and what you perceive others think of you. I relate to you a lot.

In fact, the women who judge you are probably new to AA and still spend an awful lot of time judging themselves. They probably spend very little time thinking about you, they're self-absorbed, we all are in earlier sobriety. If they act as if they dislike you, that's probably how they treat everyone, and like I said, that's a reflection of low self-esteem. It's not about you. In most cases, it's in your head.

I understand not being comfortable with physical contact with people you don't know, especially if you grew up in a family that didn't hug.

Know that the women in these rooms, especially the home group members, want to give you a hug because they love you and are happy to see you.

I know you don't believe me yet, but AA women share such a deep bond, it's the one place I can walk in to and feel at home and totally loved.

I feel like I'm doing so much to try and enjoy recovery and I'm just not...I feel so depressed and basically am feeling all the feelings that drove me to drink in the first place. I feel like I have no reason to be unhappy. I have every reason to smile and be happy. But yet...I'm so miserable.I am working the steps with my sponsor.When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my AA all female group), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps!I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way.I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.

I notice throughout that paragraph.. you don't say as much as it would seem like you're saying. You just repeat one idea over and over and over and over.. Instead of just saying it once. "I feel better if I look nice". Who are you trying to convince?
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Re: I need advice.I would hate for this to be the reason I s

Postby Chelle » Sat Jan 06, 2018 12:11 pm

Hi Stella,
I understand wanting to look and feel pretty. I have personally never been able to fix my internal condition by polishing up the external. (and I'm a girly girl who takes pride in my appearance). =wink It might have helped me feel better for a short period, but at the end of the day/night when my clothes need laundered and the make up removed, there I am. An alcoholic in need of a solution.

Everything in AA is an inside job. Keep working the steps and talking to your sponsor. My ego tells me I need to be the prettiest girl in the room. It's all b.s. I am here to be of maximum service and help others to recover from alcoholism. If I'm having a good hair day, that's a bonus!

When I first started going to meetings, I felt like I needed to be perfect. Hair, outfit, the works. I needed everyone to like me, and tell me I'm lovely and think I had it all together. The truth is my life was a mess or I wouldn't be at an AA meeting and everybody knows it.

I hope you feel better soon.
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