Changing perception

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Changing perception

Postby highcostofliving » Sun Nov 05, 2017 7:50 am

So last week, I found myself constantly tested in my sobriety... out of town friends were drinking, and I was wanting to join them, wondering why I was trying to stay sober when they were having so much fun. Went to a football game, watched everyone in my group drinking and high-fiving, I hardly watched the game cause I was staring at beer cups unable to get my mind out of the why not just drink mode. My car needed 4k in repairs.... I thought sobriety sucks. I possibly broke a bone in my foot... sobriety sucks. Fighting with my wife all week, sobriety sucks..... then I went to a concert, and we passed so many people enjoying their beers, as I stood in my seat, watching groups of people all having fun and laughing with beers in hand... man I was ready to throw my chips in and join the fun... shitty week, I've been obsessed with this non drinking thing, man, I was ready.... and somewhere as I struggled with how to tell my wife we should go get some beers... I started to see things differently... the girl behind me was so drunk, she sat on her 13 dollar beer and spilled it over everyone. A group of 5 near us was yelling so loudly at each other, people were asking them to be quiet. A drunk guy and a girl below were getting a little too close.. the guys wife was right there getting super pissed and that went on all concert... someone fell coming down the steps... the guys to my left missed half the show (Garth Brooks) just going for more beer.. etc... it seemed like everywhere around us was a sea of chaos.. and we actually had fun (I did say Garth Brooks), while the others around us seemed to disband in to drama and anger.... we were just loving the show.

Next morning, I woke up with my 4 year old daughter and her friend climbing on top of me.... I laid there quiet, before suddenly exploding from the covers to tackle them and enjoy the ensuing pillow fight..... we played with some toys for about half hour before my morning meeting.... at which, the very first speaker talked about gratitude... and I spent the next hour thinking... why the hell did I just spend an entire week pissed off at being sober. I was with some friends I only get to see once a year...and the next morning, I felt good. I was at one of the greatest regular season NFL games in a long time, my team won (Go Hawks), and at work the next morning... I felt great and got stuff done. My wife and I started Financial Peace University a few years ago... we had an emergency fund in place... so I paid for my car repair in cash, with no affect on my budget.... we talked through our fight and resolved it. I saw Garth Brooks.....and I woke up the next morning wrestling with my daughter instead of telling her dad needs a few more minutes (which was generally all day).....

Anyways... it was a nice change in perception... I woke up super early this morning to get to work, our power was out, no heat.... I wasn't hung over today, so rather than stumbling my way through the dark for the aspirin and trying to hold it together until I got to the work toilet... I started a fire, and stacked enough wood next to it, so my wife and daughter will wake up to a warm house and won't have to go out in the rain/cold to keep it going.... it may be the first time I actually understand why people at meetings always say "I'm thankful for my sobriety"...... thanks for reading.
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Re: Changing perception

Postby PaigeB » Sun Nov 05, 2017 2:16 pm

Thanks for the warm share highcostofliving!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Changing perception

Postby desypete » Mon Nov 06, 2017 1:22 am

nice post
they say the hardest part of this new way of living is practising it at home with our loved ones
took me a long time to really start to do things for others in my home where is matters most in aa i would always be the first one ready to show myself off as a good soul but not so keen when it comes to making my family a cup of tea at home

i can still be like it at times but not so much these days mainly as its me who has to do it all anyway. as i have very lazy grown up kids to run a home for =biggrin as well as go to work to pay the bills blah blah moan moan

but i am just so lucky really that i am in this postion and grateful from where i have come from to how it is now there is no contest i love this way i life far more than the old way just wish i could do with with ease at times when i dont want to =biggrin
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Re: Changing perception

Postby Roberth » Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:49 pm

Hello highcostofliving, my name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Did you know November is Gratitude Month…… Friends told me I should write down something that happens every day that I am grateful for. Everyday things, on my list entry for today is:

Day 6 grateful for the carpool and the naps I get to and from work.

I started doing this for Gratitude Month a few years ago and last year I was wondering why I don’t do it every day of the year. You would be surprised what a few moments of my time does to my day.
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Re: Changing perception

Postby highcostofliving » Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:15 pm

I did not know that, thanks Roberth... Paige I believe in one of my 'whiny' posts mentioned doing a list, which I did a small part of, but the idea of doing one a day is not too bad either...

Today, I'm grateful for my wife. We aren't always on the same page, but 4 years ago when we found out she was pregnant, she fought my drinking tooth and nail... and allthough I was too stubborn to admit I was an alcoholic, she got me to promise I'd never drink when I was alone with our daughter (not even one beer) - to which Im' so grateful as my daughter has never been in my presence when I was really drunk... she also got me to go to my first AA meeting - even though I quit going after 2-3 meetings, it planted the seed that maybe I was alcoholic... and even though I still drank, I quit drinking at family functions, didn't drink when I was responsible for my daughter and didn't even drink around my wife or kid, she didn't pressure me to quit drinking or nag when I drank alone with nobody around.... and soon I had enough trial and errors, that here I am, on my own making the decision to be sober..... and when I think back to how I was... I can honestly say she literally saved my life, I would have just kept on drinking had she not been so tough on me about our daughter... so thank you to her!

thanks for reading.
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Re: Changing perception

Postby positrac » Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:20 pm

I can see a change in your post and it is a testament that if you work it you will be given some glimpses of the newer life. But you have a ways to go and many more challenges until that attitude of gratitude is really heartfelt and you can say it in relief.

You are doing better and you just focus on today and the rest will answer itself.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
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