Missing Out

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Missing Out

Postby highcostofliving » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:40 am

Hit my first real 'temptation' last night.... on a 'date night' with my wife, we went to an Italian Restaurant.. should have been no big deal, but watching everyone try new wines.. .my mind went instantly to a place of longing and desire... followed by being sad I'm missing out.... followed by a night of telling myself one more night of drinking wouldn't be a big deal... for me, this is a new experience.

I did my first AA 'walk through' 4 years ago, to show my wife and marriage counselor that I was 'willing to try anything', and set out to prove to them that I wasn't an alcoholic.... so rather than drinking every other day, my alcoholism just adapted to fit my new schedule so that nobody would care... so for 4 years, I've just planned drinking nights - which since it would be the only night I could drink for a while I'd go hard... So with the 'plan' in place, I had no problem not drinking at a restaurant.. I even could moderate to one or two.... as long as I knew in just one or two more days I could paint the town..

Last night, however, was the first time I can remember that it was HARD not to drink.... I missed 80% of our conversation sitting in my own head, trying to come up with some insane reason why one or two glasses wouldn't be a big deal... or why I could just put off meetings again for another month... I am telling myself now, this is simply the program working? It knows it has to adapt a new strategy (just like it did when my daughter was born)... I think for the first time this morning I'm actually glad to have a meeting to go to...

Quick note, when I think about it, I isolated ALL of my drinking for YEARS.... I literally would drink alone so nobody could see me obliterated and I wouldn't have to drive.... so why I keep telling myself I'm missing out by not drinking at a ball game or restaurant or bar... no idea.... no real point to this post, but needed to put a few thoughts down here... thanks for reading!
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Re: Missing Out

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:28 am

I had to read More About alcoholism chapter several times before the truth sunk in. We have a warped mind. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. So this realization is very key to stage a recovery. They add those stories for a reason to help us look at our past and see how our drinking progressed and how much ever determination we had we always went back out. So for a permanent solution we have to live a selfless life. And thats where the reminder of the steps comes to help us.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Missing Out

Postby PaigeB » Sun Oct 01, 2017 10:43 am

avaneesh912 wrote:... for a permanent solution we have to live a selfless life. And thats where the reminder of the steps comes to help us.

YES! "a selfless life..."
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Missing Out

Postby positrac » Sun Oct 01, 2017 3:08 pm

I have been at this lifestyle for a long time and red wine is one of my weaker points as I liked wine when I drank. I don't think you are missing out because you are still married and have sobriety. I am reading just the basis of the post as you know the power of desire and though it could kill you it would drive you mad.

Stay safe and this too shall pass.
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Re: Missing Out

Postby desypete » Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:15 am

i can relate to that feeling of missing out
it lasted in me for 15 sober years until one xmas i decided to take a drink
xmas was always the worse time for me, i had been to aa at age 23 and hung around for 3 years then got bored of the meetings and hearing the same boring old share or hearing people moaning about there cat or whatever
so i cut back on the meetings until i just stopped going altogether, i was sober now and not ending up in drunken hell holes. but inside of me i knew i still felt robbed that i couldnt drink

so 15 years later i took a drink and nothing bad happen to me or my family. so i tried my experiement again and had 2 drinks and again nothing bad happend to me or my family
on and on this trial went and it was about a year or maybe 2 later that i started getting arrested again for drunkeness, by now i was into the drink and i should of known right away history was repeating itself with me when i take a drink but i made excuses for it or seen it as a one off and it will not happen again, until of course it did happen again and again

8 years later i ended up a drunken bum, no money left, no business, no work, no wife, and sadly no kids as my 2 youngest were removed from our care as my ex wife was also a drunk and we ended up battling like loonys with police being called time and time again

how on earth did my life and her life end up in such a shameful state ?

its simple i took that first drink
the drinking progressed to the point i was totally dependant on it 24 / 7 i was drunk day in day out as its the only way i knew how to live,

so today i know full well what drink does to me and what it can cost me and i certainly dont feel like i am missing out anymore, i am happy to be sober and wake up knowing what i did last night
i am happy to see the love my kids have for me instead of the fear they once had to live with

i wouldnt ever want to go back again to that sorry mess i was in just 12 years ago

but my story is just one of many thousands in aa who had to find out the hard way. i wish with all my heart i had never let go of aa and that i had done the steps etc before i caused so much hurt and pain for my loved ones

but nothing i can do about the past other than use it for my own good
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Re: Missing Out

Postby highcostofliving » Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:45 pm

Thanks for the replies..... helps put things in perspective. It's easy to understand, it's hard to practice - for me... I know I"m an alcoholic and need to get on top of this before I end up down a really dark path... but I still keep thinking I'm somehow limiting myself and not allowing myself to enjoy life to it's fullest.... again, I know that's not the case, that I'm not actually happy when drinking and it is generally never as fun as when I don't drink, but that's just not what my mind is telling me right now.... one day at a time right. Trying to remember, just don't drink today.
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